2018 in numbers

Another year gone.

2018 was a year of big changes.

Mom's rapidly deteriorated condition, and the scare. Civic, nursing home, huge expenses and financial burden. The ever changing job roles, and finally the plunge.

Things lost, things that never will be, and unwanted things that happened.

Can only hope 2019 will be a better year, but deep down I sensed that it will not be.

*Sigh...*

Anyway,

125 blog entries, no surprise there. This is the 11th year in a row. It's called consistency and discipline.

185 days of commute to ulu place recorded, which covered 18445.2 kilometres, giving an average of 99.7 kilometres per day. Guess I have found a shorter distance route compared to last year. Since I have changed department and now working in Penang island, this will change for next year.

37 (MyVi) + 9 (Civic) petrol filling recorded. My ex-good old 11.5 years MyVi was doing an average of 15.8 kilometre per litre of petrol. Good car, that MyVi, consistent performance all these years it served me. Based on limited data, the Civic is doing 16.0 km/l, will see what the mileage becomes next year, with primarily horrible city traffic.

23 days of worked till overtime-worthy late. Least for the past five years, fantastic!

16 days of leave taken.

67 badminton sessions attended, out of 73 that happened (while I was still working there). 91.8% attendance rate, one of the highest attendance rate since I started the badminton session nine years ago. I will miss the badminton sessions...

40 tabletop gaming sessions held, highest since I started TTG in 2014. A combination of 17 board and card games (including expansions) played. I will definitely miss these...

28 novels read, slightly better than last year but I have primarily been rereading Forgotten Realms novels. 13.0 days for a book, was really hoping I can get back to about 10 days for a book, oh well.

41, 14, 11, 9, for my own reference.

Happy New Year dear reader, wish you a good and healthy 2019.

Other |hyped up heads up| category entries.

The plunge (5)

So, one week at the new job.

I was thinking of posting something like "I survived my first week..." and joke about getting a "I survived" t-shirt, that sort of things.

But then I figured that would probably send a wrong message, since it's really a very quiet and uneventful week.

After all, it's a four days week with many colleagues out on year end holiday.

Even knowing that it doesn't matter what we put in it, that the management has decided beforehand and it's just about the formality of going through with the process, I still spent three days writing my annual performance review.

Oh well, I am a perfectionist and I had nothing better to do...

As usual, first thought that popped into my mind was 'I can lift 20kg' when it came to writing about my strengths, hehe. =P

Still don't know what I am suppose to do in this new role, asked the manager to plug me in and link me up with the relevant people. He did, but the colleague he linked me up with is out.

So after I was done with the write-up, I spent the day viewing and learning stuff on Wikipedia. Stuff that I hope is relevant to the new job.

And the more I read, the more I realised I need to read up on. Internet is a dangerous place! =P

I probably should put in some effort to get to know the teammates, but the antisocial trait is still winning thus far, oh well.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

叉烧

两个瓜今天做功课时犯牛劲、耍脾气。

他们的烂态度和臭脾气真的是叫我很看不过眼。

一早哭闹做作到下午三点四十五分才终于结束。

辛苦了我可怜的情人老婆仔。

我一直压制自己，不要过去赏他们几个耳光巴掌，或去拿藤条鞭几下。

除了不想打孩子，希望可以用爱的教育之外，也想到毕竟多数时候他们做功课时我都不会在家，不能靠我的惩罚，而是需要老婆仔自己就能解决的方法。

实在忍耐不住时警告了他们几次，但过一阵他们又打回原形，仿佛知道我是不想打他们的。

这两个瓜，偶尔就是要犯贱，真是的。

让我想起岳父岳母说过的那句：

“早知道生块叉烧还好，至少可以吃。”

唉…

随兴随想 |系列|

Salvaged time

Things didn't go as I wanted to.

No surprise, they seldom do.

So instead of getting two days and three nights to get myself rested and ready for the new job, I get one day and two nights.

Well, really just one day and one night since I am tired as it is now after the drive, and there's not much productive time left of tonight.

Don't think I will get much rest time tomorrow anyway, need to deal with the aftermath of leaving the house vacated for a week, need to wash the car, go through all the emails accumulated through the week, and there is a dinner date.

Many tasks and things to do, not much time.

Basically a busy and tiring day tomorrow.

So, a break from work that leaves me more tired.

Oh well.

But I shouldn't complain, I should be grateful, since initially I don't get any time to do anything at all, just directly drive back home in time for dinner.

On a side note, I made a mistake in my previous entry, my goldfish memory failed me (no surprise there!), I thought I started the blog in an airport but it's actually just a short, unfinished story that I wrote in airport instead.

Not that anyone would notice, heh.

And I am still just dreaming about being a billionaire...

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

Random thoughts

Waiting for flight at Cam Ranh international airport, for our return trip from Nha Trang, Vietnam to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

Nothing specific in mind, just nothing to do, and figured that since I started this blog and wrote the first entry in an airport (bet nobody knew that!), let me do another entry while in an airport.

Another tiring vacation. No surprise there.

It hasn't ended yet though, still have a few more days left before the vacation is over. Will only be back to Penang a day before I resume work.

Basically, according to the plan wifey told me, I foresaw I won't get to rest and recharge in comfort for my first day in the new department.

Wonder what kind of first impression I will give looking like a zombie on the first day?

Oh well.

Guess that's just not as important in the grand scale of things.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

The plunge (4)

Received private messages from a few friends after I linked the previous entry on Facebook. Their concern and questions made me wonder if my writing skill is really that bad?

Was that entry really so confusing or unclear? Is it a composition or comprehension problem?

Basically I have changed from one department to another department in the same company. I did not quit my company. I am still working.

And I don't know how to make that clearer.

I wrote all those simply because I am a sentimental person, which probably only those who are close to me would know.

So leaving the department that I have been working all these years since I joined the company, one that I would have stayed with till I retire if all went smoothly, one that I have established the network and made friends in, makes for a heavy heart.

Also, having to start all over again is a stressful thing for me, but I will survive. I hope.

Anyway, I am fine, thank you for the concern, kind words, and well wishes. 

Other |sane side| category entries.

有感而发：感触

二零一八年十二月十三日。

明天是我在一加入公司就属于的部门的最后一天。

两年前部门第 n 次重组，断了我的前路。

不能接受就改变，不能改变就离开。

两年后，改变不了部门、改变不了自己。

心灰了，又有机缘，所以我离开。

做了十一年多，经过几次的部门重组，终究还是不能始终如一。

我是忠诚的，是真的想在同一个部门做到退休的。

但真的已经看不到前途，真的已经对管理层彻底失望。

唉…

部门九年前跨洋搬到野外，一转眼在哪工作已经一百十一个月了。

今天收拾办公位，暂且把东西搬回家，直到新部门给我一个办公位再转移。

看着那渐渐空去的办公位，心中千言万语、感触良多。

一百十一个月，我都已在哪儿结交了一群工作以外有互动的朋友，那一起玩笑娱乐、运动唱歌的朋友。

可知道对反社会、反交际的我而言，有一群不只是同事，而是朋友的人，是何等重大的事吗？

我这自荐的康乐组组长如今要离开他们了，我好不舍得。

心中酸酸苦苦的。

唉…

有感而发 |系列|

有感而发：活在当下

二零一八年十二月九日。

人生短短几十年，一转眼就过。

要活在当下，珍惜每一天。

不要过去了才遗憾，不要失去了才惋惜，因为那无济于事。

要在事物消逝前用心保护和珍惜，及时享受和表达、及时诠释和感恩。

不要只会受而不施，不要认为别人对你好是理所当然。

要有感恩的心，要懂得珍惜和感谢那些对我们好的人。

人生没有得倒带，很多事物过了就不再重来。

可以怀念过去，可以展望未来，但要及时的生活。

有感而发 |系列|

Backlogs #22: Trust

This screenshot is dated 3rd of February 2016, titled "trust".

Don't really remember what we were talking about that broached the subject of trust and promises, probably the friend broke a promise or something like that.

Just thought I should share this.

I keep my promises. Trust is earned when actions meet words.

In this series: |1| |2| |3| |4| |5| |6| |7| |8| |9| |10| |11| |12| |13| |14| |15| |16| |17| |18| |19| |20| |21|

The plunge (3)

So, I clicked the "I Acknowledge Acceptance" in the job offer letter at 08:15 hours on the 28th of November 2018, Wednesday.

This is it, no turning back.

And I haven't even discussed the transition plan with my manager. Oh well.

Then again, the disappointment with the management is one of the causes of my decision to leave the department.

To me, it all went downhill since the reorganisation in August 2016, when the management merged the local process/hardware team with the software team and all to report under the software group.

The misalignment with the group objective started since, and despite the many dialogues with the management, nothing changed.

There is this saying about when we are subjected to a significant change: first we should try to accept it, if we can accept it, then good, end of story. If not, then try to change, either change it to what we want, or change ourselves by adapting to it. If we cannot make the change happen, then as the last resort, leave.

So in short: "If cannot accept, change. If cannot change, leave."

Here I am, after two years of trying to change, choosing to leave because I just don't see a future staying.

I have more to say, but I am suddenly hit with lethargy and profound sadness, so I will write more on this topic some other day.

All I have now, is a long, heartfelt sigh.

Other |sane side| category entries.

Random behaviour for December 2018

While I had the discipline to execute October's resolution without fail, I didn't really feel good.

You see, I was hoping it rekindles my gaming passion, which it didn't. I stopped gaming as soon as October was over.

=(

November is slacker's month, so no impromptu resolution as show of respect, hehe. =P

Given that I am going to lose many of my other entertainment and hence stress relief means soon, I really ought to get back to gaming more frequently.

So, for December 2018, starting after I post this, my impromptu resolution is: to have at least three gaming sessions every week.

Because I can.

Other |flickering fling| category entries.

  

At long last... (4)

Finally received my certificate. Snail mail is... impressively slow.

So, at long last, this is the end of this long journey. All that, for a piece of paper.

Never again!

Granted, the knowledge and skills acquired in the research are probably what got me my current job, but the journey, oh boy the journey... just no, never again!

Like I said in the previous entry of the series, I don't get to say "trust me, I am a doctor", that's probably the biggest downer.

For me, that had been one big motivation to plough through the mire.

Oh well...

Two master degrees, so?

Just pieces of paper.

I am mightily glad this is finally over. Truly I am.

The long journey: | 1 | | 2 | |3 |

Other |hyped up heads up| category entries.

随想

其实，还真的以为这周末会写的文章将是这系列的句点。

但以为很直接的一个程序，竟然出现了插曲变数。

真的没预料到，蛮意外的。所以又回到懊恼纠结的阶段，真是的…

就再等一个星期吧，看看他们有什么可以改变我的想法。

其实到了这一步，我想应该是很难了。

毕竟能做的，我都做了。给了两年的时间，却不见好转，一个星期又会能有什么呢？

我是一位忠诚的人，但不会重视、不会珍惜我的，不配拥有我的忠诚。

改变不了能控制范围外的东西，我们唯有改变自己。

自己的人生自己决定。

*****

终于收到双十一时网购的电脑显示卡。

但我只有旧式接口的连接线，这显示卡上已没有这样类型的接口。

我那有点年龄的显示器也只有 VGA 和 DVI-D 接口而已，真是的。

只好又在网购了一条一头是 HDMI 另一头是 DVI-D 的连接线。

又再等啦，唉…

*****

非常抗拒就因为是有同样的星座而被列为和同事朋友同类型。

不要不要不要不要！

根本就那么不同的性格和言行举止嘛…

*****

令人费解的一句：

“你不在，我怎么办？”

随兴随想 |系列|

Nothing lasts forever

Nothing lasts forever.

So many things that are relevant, that I can associate with that statement now.

Also there are things I like to dispute that statement with, but perhaps it's a tad too philosophical and perhaps just a matter of the definition of the 'forever' time period.

I like to think my love to wifey is forever. ^_^

But anyway, this entry is about a solid object, not some emotion, feeling, or state of affair.

Got a black screen out of the sudden when I was using my gaming machine, a.k.a. home computer, a few days ago. My rudimentary debugging led me to believe the graphics card is the culprit. I was hoping it's the driver, and definitely hoping it's not the mother board or PCIe slot. 

My other computer in the house is a NUC, so I cannot test the graphics card in it to double check. Anyone willing to plug in a Sapphire Radeon Toxic R9 270X 2GB in their rig to double check for me? =)

Is it just me, or are things nowadays don't last as long as they used to? The graphics card was brand new when I built my gaming machine in 2014, so it lasted slightly shy of five years.

Gaming machine without a discrete graphics card is just... not a gaming machine!

That said, financial situation is at all time low, with way too many big expenses recently. I am definitely feeling the pinch.

And shameful to say as a self-proclaimed avid gamer, that I simply haven't been gaming all the regularly lately. No time, and no heart. I had to set a resolution for myself to play game, what has become of me?!?

Bottom line is that I cannot justify getting an expensive replacement, so I opted for the budget entry level graphics card at the moment: Gigabyte GeForce GTX 1050Ti 4GB.

Finance minister and Purchasing Officer, a.k.a. wifey, helped me to grab the card online at midnight earlier, when the 11th of November sales started.

Until it arrives, I am using onboard graphics. Good grief!

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

Scribble Pad is eleven years old!

Happy 11th birthday, Scribble Pad!

As per custom, here's the number of viewers based on the counter. The one for 2018 is as of 16:13 hours.

2008: 4746

2009: 13300

2010: 23226

2011: 31677

2012: 37412

2013: 42469

2014: 46926

2015: 50532

2016: 53716

2017: 56798

2018: 59939

Actually, I can do better than that, here's a bit more detail:

The reduction in view seemed to have plateaued.

Out of that 8 viewers, 4 should be from various bots, 1 or 2 from myself, so I have 2 to 3 actual viewers per day, woohoo! =P

Good thing this is not a revenue generating endeavour, but simply an online diary of sort that I use to note down thoughts, events and stuff so I can refer back to in the future.

And I believe in sharing, and I also believe that some of what I wrote will be beneficial to someone somewhere. That if someone is touched, enlightened, soothed, helped, or simply smiled through reading the stuff I wrote, it would be worth the effort posting all these online instead of just keeping them offline.

Anyway, thank you for reading this blog, I hope you get something out of it.

Other |hyped up heads up| category entries.

致敬

我喜欢看小说，偏向有魔法、有龙、用刀弓剑年代那些奇幻类型的故事。

也很喜欢科幻，但对有关太空的科幻就比较没兴趣。

当然也有看其它类型的，那些犯罪、战争、侦探、律师、虚构的小说等等。

真的没兴趣是那些史实啊、爱情啊、传记啊…

从漫画转向小说应该是小学五、六年级的事吧？

一开始是看华文小说，倪匡写的《卫斯理》系列的科幻小说，我买了和看了好多本。

是很多很多那种。

上了中学后，同学介绍我《龙枪》系列的奇幻小说，把一本借给我看。

金鱼记忆的我偏偏还能记得我一生人看的第一本《龙枪》小说…

那是我开始看英文小说的起发点，从此就没有停过。

有点奇怪的是，爱看小说的我，竟然没有接触到武侠。

也许就是从来没有人推荐，一直到我开始工作了才有位同事借了几本给我看。

当然，是金庸大师写的武侠小说。

那时的我，已经看了十多年的英文小说，几乎有十年没看华文小说了。

所以看得比较吃力，虽然喜欢故事情节，但始终没有迷上武侠小说。

今天，二零一八年十月三十日，这位著名的武侠小说家在香港病逝，享年九十四岁。

虽然我只是个到今天才知道他原名叫查良镛的小小书迷，但我还是要在此献上我的敬意，感谢金庸为华人文学的贡献。

还真的祈望自己可以不烦金钱的写作，像这些著名的作家那样有流传千古的作品。

继续梦吧…

随兴随想 |系列|

Escaped (2)

Another colleague got out.

The second this year.

The first is already well on his way in his new job, I sincerely hope he is doing well.

The second will leave us in December, all the best to him as well, hope he will be happier with the new job.

And don't be a stranger.

Will I get mine?

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

看医生天

昨天去诊疗所看医生，其实主要是那不能断根的鸡眼又给我麻烦，但也顺便复诊几周前漱口有血的事。

因为虽然不再吐出血丝，但喉咙单边疼痛一直没好。

很爱拉着病人讲话的奶奶级医生叫我为了安全起见，还是去给专科医生看一看，以防是癌症什么的。

然后她就开始跟我讲她朋友癌症的故事…

我是那种很容易可以置身其中，跟倾述者有同感的人。天赋来的。

但有时候身为一个很好的倾听者或许也不是一件好事…

还有其它病人在等啊！停车要超时了啊！我还要快点回家继续工作的啊！

最终拿了两份转诊信就快快跑人了。

今天去看耳鼻喉专科医生，等了几个小时就诊五分钟，觉得医生草草了事。

我喉咙单边痛，觉得有伤口什么的，他却只对我敏感的鼻子有兴趣。

我从小就鼻子敏感了啦！告诉我我的喉咙什么事嘛！？！

结果他也不知道我喉咙什么事，随便做了一些猜测，给了我三种鼻子敏感的药，叫我喝多点水，要我下个星期三再复诊。

真的，现在的医院纯粹为了赚钱，再也不是健康医疗为主。

勾叉零蛋三角形！

下个星期三复诊耳鼻喉专科。

后个星期三去看皮肤专科。

看来星期三是看医生天，唉…

随兴随想 |系列|

心的频道：双向经营

不要问我，为什么这么久没联络？

不要问我，为何对某某人比对你好？

不要问我，为何不点赞你面子书的讯息？（真的，有没有搞错？！？）

问问你自己，你是否有做那些你想要别人对你做的？

我常常对我孩子说，你要别人怎么对你，你就怎么对别人。

一段感情，友情也好、爱情也好，是要双向经营的。

不要那么的自我，什么公主王子病的。这世上，除了父母，没有人有必要对你好。

要别人对你好，你也得付出，也对别人好。不要只会受而不施。

理所当然的我们都会对那些也对我们好的人比较好。

友情是不平等的，有经常互动的、玩笑娱乐的、志同道合的，当然会比没有的较好。

只是见面嗨掰的朋友，又怎么能和天天互动玩笑的朋友关系平等呢？

真的，友情是要互相经营呵护的。

心的频道 |系列|

The plunge (2)

Ten days after I took the plunge.

Heard nothing thus far.

The trepidation and doubt have not reduced.

In fact, quite the contrary, because since then, another option emerged, adding to the uncertainty and apprehension.

There's a follow up on the very first option today, though it doesn't really amounted to anything concrete so far, more like a FYI.

Felt a pang of conscience when I divulged only selected bits of information, and withheld some other, for the sake of my own interest.

Self-preservation? Or have I become a duplicitous person?

Other |sane side| category entries.

Backlogs #21: Auto delete

This screenshot is dated 30th of July 2015, titled "Auto delete".

In order to somewhat control my untameable e-mail inbox, I am rather ruthless when it comes to e-mails that I deemed useless or spammy in nature, I just delete them without reading through.

Okay, some may get a quick glance through to ascertain their spammy nature before I delete them.

I also practise this in my instant messaging group, and I guess in my selective memory...

You will need to know Manglish, Mandarin and Hokkien to understand this conversation.

Auto delete and selective memory for the win! =P

In this series: |1| |2| |3| |4| |5| |6| |7| |8| |9| |10| |11| |12| |13| |14| |15| |16| |17| |18| |19| |20|