1.5 hours

"High confidence on delivery of thermal simulation results next Thursday."

Why oh why did I said that last week?

Probably because I honestly thought I could do it. But life has other idea.

Or I simply am not as efficient or as capable as I thought.

Sigh...

So it's Thursday today, the results delivery day. And nope, I did not delivered. Failed.

Goodness knows I tried. Oh boy how I tried.

Based on my record, the latest overtime streak started on 19th of August. A two days break without working overtime on 23rd and 24th August, then another day on 28th August. Thirteen days of continuous working overtime since 29th of August.

The operative word is 'overtime', everything after the normal working hours, in weekend, public holiday, and sadly even annual leave.

So on 2nd of September, last Wednesday, when I had one week till delivery date, I worked overtime until 21:50 hours. On 3rd of September, I worked until 22:50 hours. 22:41 hours on 4th, then a heavenly 17:31 hours on 5th, until you realised it's a Saturday...

Unease set in when progress was slower than expected on Sunday the 6th, so I worked overtime until 23:11 hours. The stress started to build up, so it's 00:00 midnight on the dot on 7th, then 01:06 hours on 8th of September, Tuesday.

By Wednesday 9th of September, stress is through the roof and on the verge of a panic breakdown. I had to get the model done and set it to solve overnight, for results on Thursday.

So when I resumed work after dinner, at 20:54 hours, I thought to myself, I would probably only be able to go to bed at 04:00 hours. Again, I overestimated my capability and efficiency.

I resumed work on 20:54 hours on Wednesday, I clocked out at 08:12 hours on Thursday. Within that period of time I had a shower, a few bio breaks, and worked. I worked through the night.

Not conducive to my health and wellbeing. I am too old for this kind of shit.

Darn the sense of responsibility, and the crushing stress.

I set the alarm for a three hours rest, thinking to resume work, or start a "new day" work, however you want to see it, around 11:00 hours, and finally hit the bed.

I got out of bed and resumed work at 09:47 hours, after about 1.5 hours of shut eyes. Not sure if that was sleep, rest, or whatever. I got 1.5 hours of shut eyes, is all.

And yes, I worked overtime after dinner today as well, from 20:09 hours to 21:31 hours, and finally called it a day.

I am beyond knackered.

Can't do this anymore, maybe I am no longer suitable for this job?

Other |wretched workaholic| category entries.

Long weekend postponed

Monday today, not on leave.

Initial plan was three consecutive three days long weekends, made up from a public holiday and two annual leaves on consecutive Mondays.

Broke that streak today, because when I was on the third day of my latest working overtime streak last Thursday, I knew from the workload and progress then that I would be working straight through the weekend, and most likely into the early of this week.

So I postponed the annual leave today to this coming Friday, the last day of July, after which my annual leave would be forfeited.

Really do not want to be working when I am on leave, whenever possible. Not always possible, but I gotta try my best.

I worked overtime a total of 20 hours and 9 minutes this past weekend. Two days, twenty hours.

Coincidently, that was the total overtime hours I did in February this year, down to the minute. What are the odds?

I am beyond burned out.

Other |wretched workaholic| category entries.

没日没夜

星期天凌晨十二点半，几分钟前刚下班。

不是工作做完了，就只是太累了，无法再继续。

星期六的加时工作，应该有做了九个小时左右。几乎就是吃饭、上厕所、载送孩子以外的时间。

待会睡醒后又重复…

这是连续加时工作的第五天。

好累、好累。

这份工，唉～

心语细述 |系列|

Long weekend (2)

Another Monday. Another last day of my three days long weekend.

This is the second of the three long weekends this month. One more to come.

This three days long weekend is a solid fail. Instead of rest and relax, I have clocked 11 hours and 24 minutes of overtime work thus far. That amount will likely increase after dinner tonight...

Worked overtime from after lunch to before dinner on both Saturday and Sunday. Solid working hours. Only stopped because had to go pick up kid from tuition and to have dinner out.

And worked past midnight on Saturday. Spared myself on Sunday night, as I was simply too tired.

And too fed up. The discontentment with work has reached too high a level. Frustrated with how the project is managed, the frequent change in direction, resulting in all these overtimes, and still struggled to keep up.

This long weekend is definitely a failure, and despite all the overtime hours, I am still behind. So the pressure is still looming large.

Can already foresee the endless bombardments tomorrow when I resume my online presence. Not looking forward to it. At all.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

三天半长周末

原本是上个周末要拿的假，延迟了一个礼拜，因为要被催命似的赶工出模拟数据。

当然他们又大改了设计，但要数据报告的日期却没有跟着改动，只是更加频密的催工…

嗯，不是要讲那个。言归正传。

上星期五半天假，明天星期一全天假，加上周末一共三天半的假。

今天是星期天，所以至今已过了两天半，我也已经做了两天半的加时工作…

是，就是这么贱。真的是贱到自己都看不起自己。

唉～

我是真的打算今晚不再加时工作了的，然后明天也一整天不工作。这样至少我还有一天是真的休假的。

当然，我的经理明天设了一个蛮重要的会，要谈我们小组近期报告的对应策略和方案。欸，经理，可是你批准了我的假期的哦…

又当然，他国那另一个，好像把我当成是他的下属的那个别人的经理，也设了另一个会议，要谈那每星期会大改至少一次的项目，有关散热的方案。所以需要我的模拟数据。

但我明天休假嘞，你们根本不当我休假是一回事是不是？

当然…

我是真的打算明天不工作的啦。

希望自己明天不要犯贱。

心语细述 |系列|

Of course

Finally completed the thermal model for the major change last week, but of course it cannot run properly.

Some unknown error when reading view factor, can calculate the view factor just fine but when trying to read/write to local hard drive, it just errored out.

Looked up the internet for solution and recommendation. Tried whatever I could but still no dice.

Changed to another radiation model that's more computing resource intensive and suddenly the model has no problem running...

WTF is going on? I have been using the other radiation model for ages, as recent as the previous version of the model last week and it had no problem.

I have no time to debug that, and probably is something beyond my capability anyway, so all I can do now is to use the more computing resource intensive radiation model.

The simulation ran overnight is completed, residuals are good, no divergence and all that. But the temperature is unreasonable high all round. Of course, things cannot just go well for me.

The first thing I checked is the power input. I triple checked and don't see anything wrong with the input. I post-processed the solved case and don't see anything strange with the flow field.

So WTF is wrong with the model? Spent the whole day debugging, and not really getting anywhere.

While I am still cracking my head on this, the team lead informed us there is another major change, the system dimensions are totally different now.

Of course.

Other |runaway rants| category entries.

Burning out

This is the fourth consecutive weekend that I am working overtime.

Made infinitely worse as this was supposed to be the weekend that I properly rest, a desperately needed break from work.

I got my annual leaves aligned with my manager in the beginning of the month, half day on the past Friday, and full day on coming Monday, to get myself a 3.5 days long weekend to rest and relax. Absolutely no work.

But on past Friday morning, I had to postpone the leaves by a week, because I knew I had to work overtime this weekend. No thank you to take leave just to be working overtime.

No need to add insult to injury.

So I am dead tired, and extremely fed up.

Soon, there will be nothing left to burn.

Other |wretched workaholic| category entries.

Stressed

Worked overtime every single day, including two weekends, for the simulation results shared to team today.

Before the simulation results are available, the thermal team (all two of us) already knew that the thermal performance is going to be bad, but the rest of the team would not listen, and would not make changes to improve the design.

So I had to go through the motion of building the thermal model for this badly designed system, ran the simulations, and showed the results to the team.

The bad results are no surprise to the thermal team, if only the rest of the team could have believed us, we would have made better and more efficient progress in system design.

But alas, such is the team, so such is the progress. Waste of my time and effort really, could have been put to better use.

Still the lead is not fully on board, still pushing back on improvement ideas, rejecting some without a thought.

Great, more rounds of this low value simulation just to have the data for "I told you so".

Rather not really, but oh well, such is the team...

Needless stress.

Other |runaway rants| category entries.

Three days long weekend

Took today, Monday, off to make a three days long weekend.

I desperately needed a break.

But I didn't get one.

Worked overtime on all three days, including a 02:42 to 04:51 hours bout.

Because that's when the simulations completed, and if I didn't post-process them and set subsequent cases to run, I would lose simulation time where the server and the workstation just sat idle.

And I couldn't sleep anyway.

Health is a total mess now. Constant headache. Horrible quality of sleep. Regular eye pain. Worst ever hemorrhoids. Emotionally deprived. Drained.

Besides sleep deprivation, I have been in constant ache and discomfort for days now. Could really use a lot of tender loving care.

Took annual leave to rest and relax, to release some stress. Got neither.

Only worse.

Absolute mess.

Other |runaway rants| category entries.

命贱莫思闲

三月过了，今年已经过了四分之一。

上星期整理了今年至今的加时工作记录，暂时还不错，如果继续这三个月的趋势，今年有望达到加时工作少过一百天的目标。

劳碌命的人，真的不可以这样遐想…

就因为有了那想法，马上就需要连续加时工作了三天。两天周末，和昨天做到近凌晨两点钟那种。

我知错了！求求不用再证明些什么了。

命贱的人，想都不要想。真的。

心语细述 |系列|

May there be light

This is the third consecutive weekend that I am working overtime.

I am tired of this. Really.

Will next week be the end of this streak?

One can hope.

Other |wretched workaholic| category entries.

破功

还真的以为，会成功坚持一整个月都没有加时工作。

结果在一月的最后一天（星期六）破防，已经加时工作了六小时半，今晚可能还要继续。

就因为星期四那会议里，那位经理的一个热流模拟要求。报告下星期三要，不然就已经迟了。他是那样说啦…

问题是，我还在更新基准的热流模型，应该还需要一个星期才会完成。所以是等不到这新版本了，但用旧版本的模型又跟实物有很多差异，有缺精准度。进退两难的处境。

还有就是星期五我拿了假，几乎一整天在医院里耗费掉。原本以为还会有些时间可以（加时）工作，但精神也被弄得恍恍惚惚，所以就那样浪费了一天。

来着的星期一是大宝森节的补假，所以不加时工作的话，我只有星期二一天来完成那不可能的任务。

我不是神仙，也不是超人，只是个平凡无奇的普通人，所以我唯有加时工作。还是那种就算我加时工作也不一定能够及时交报告的情况。

唉～

真是命贱。

心语细述 |系列|

*Fingers crossed*

Worked overtime both Saturday and Sunday.

Not very long hours on both days, but still, long enough that cannot be swept under the carpet and pretend that it's not working overtime.

Still possible to hit the target of having less number of days working overtime than last year though.

Just have to stay strong and not give in to unrealistic deadlines. Just less than a month to go.

Really hope I can make it this year.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

三天长周末

为了不让年假超额作废，明天星期一拿一天假，凑成三天长周末。

过去两天，星期六和星期日，都有加时工作。是的，就是这么贱。

除了对项目管理失望，也对自己失望。

原本打算就只是星期六加班而已的，但今天星期天醒来后才突然想到昨天那热流模型漏了些东西没有改上。唉，所以昨天跑的模拟，原本以为已经完事，待星期二复工时才善后，变成需要修改然后再跑多一次。

所以今天又加时工作。早上修改了模型后开始跑模拟，晚餐后模拟完成了便做善后的工作，然后因为觉得结果不够好又修改了些些，然后又跑多一轮模拟。

我就是那么贱。

但我真的是打算星期二复工时才看这最新模拟的数据的，明天拿假真的打算不工作的。

希望自己可以坚强守着这信念。

随兴随想 |系列|

Threshold

Today's Sunday, just finished my overtime work about half and hour ago.

It's actually a comparatively short one today, just 1 hour 37 minutes. It was 7 hours 36 minutes yesterday (Saturday), so...

But working overtime today marks the threshold between two digits and three digits, for today's the 99th overtime for 2025.

Looks like my target of less than 100 overtime this year is not going to happen, what with one more quarter to go.

I actually did pretty well earlier in the year, by the end of June my running total was 42 overtime, still good for the less than 100 target.

Actually by the end of August it was still okay, with a running total of 69 overtime, but September broke everything. Eight months of effort destroyed in a month.

I worked overtime 25 days out of the 30 days in September, really easier to count how many days I did not worked overtime...

Today's overtime is also the 11th consecutive day of working overtime. Before this stretch was a 3 days break after a 9 days stretch of working overtime.

As of today: a running total of 99 days of working overtime, 303 hours 53 minutes clocked, which is an average of 3 hours 34 minutes and 30 seconds per day of overtime.

If I do not work anymore overtime for the rest of 2025, I can still achieve my target of less than 100 days this year.

Ya, right.

Let's hope I can at least work less overtime than previous year. *fingers crossed*

Other |wretched workaholic| category entries.

给自己

切记，工作为了生活。

不要忙到忘了生活。

已经够可悲了，不要变本加厉。

放下工作，去生活。

心语细述 |系列|

7 hours 59 minutes

Two days into my week long break, worked overtime both days, for a total of 7 hours and 59 minutes thus far.

To be working overtime is planned, but the duration is longer than I intended.

Hope it's because I need to make changes to the thermal models, for the invention ideas, and hopefully it's a one off thing.

And since it's for innovation ideas, it's not strictly work...

Fine, let's not deceive myself. It is work, and yes I am working overtime in my break, and yes it's just sad.

Hope the overtime duration will be shorter in the coming days, and that at least one of the ideas get approved for filing.

*Fingers crossed*

Other |wretched workaholic| category entries.

23 hours

Last Friday was a public holiday, so three days long weekend.

I worked overtime for a total of 23 hours in those three days.

Basically, on average, full working hours for each of those days.

Sad. Just sad.

Other |wretched workaholic| category entries.

忙与盲

忙着忙着，这歌词就突然在脑里冒起。

忙是为了自己的理想
还是为了不让别人失望

真的，究竟是为了什么？

只剩下累…

心语细述 |系列|

贱

不喜欢在没有加时工作的周末时，心里会冒出来那不安和有点愧疚的感觉。

周末就是拿来休息充电的不工作日，那是正常的。

理所当然，本来就应该是这样。周末加时工作才是不正常的。

自己可不可以不要这么犯贱？

真是的…

随兴随想 |系列|