Long weekend (5)

As the blog title implied, had another three days long weekend. Took Monday off.

Again, it's neither a win nor a fail. Could have been better, could have been worse.

Pretty much the same like the previous weekend: still sick, still constant stuffiness and discomfort, didn't worked overtime (not counting the less than one hour foray), and coincidently also had visitors and went to the same place for dinner.

Actually, eerily similar to the previous weekend...

*cue spooky music*

Anyway, still a few more long weekends to come. In fact, I won't be working on any Monday in August.

If all goes as planned, that is. Since even though I have aligned with my manager to take leave on all Mondays in August, the workload has other ideas.

So yes I might be on leave, but I might also be working overtime while on leave.

Happened way too many times. Sad, I know.

Well, can still hope.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

Losing it

The following definitions are from Wiktionary, searched as of today.

Dementia, noun, (pathology) a progressive decline in cognitive function due to damage or disease in the brain beyond what might be expected rom normal aging. Areas particularly affected include memory, attention, judgement, language and problem solving.

Alzheimer's disease, noun, (neurology, pathology) a disorder involving loss of mental functions resulting from brain tissue changes.

-----

Many years ago, I took the time and effort to learn how to solve the Rubik's Cube.

Granted, I learned only the beginner's method, so it's not for speed, but just for being able to solve it.

I put in the time and effort, and for a few years after that, the skill stayed with me, so I thought it's something that will stay for life, like how to ride a bicycle. Learned once, skill gained forever.

But I was wrong, for I have lost the skill. Retained neither the muscle memory nor the brain memory.

Sad, for the lost in memory, the skill, and the effort.

Other |vibrant vocabularies| category entries.

灰

嗯，凌晨已过，所以不再是今天，而是昨天的事了。

昨天，天灰灰。下了一整天的雨。

早上一直到傍晚，长命大雨逐渐转小。究竟几点雨停，或者有没有停，我不知道，因为傍晚下班后我关了窗帘。

有阳光，但乌云全胜的密布，整个白天都没见到太阳。

就只有阴天，一片灰。

下雨也好，可以缓解邻国每年都要制造的烟霾。有些人就是可以这么自私，不在乎对环境的污染。

这个雨天，没有浪漫，就只是阴暗，和凉。

天灰气凉，心也灰凉。

最近常常想退休的事。我真的累了。

现实是，最少也还得挨多六年。那是如果孩子们一切顺利，大学毕业就可以自立自供的话。

我还真的怀疑过，自己是不是还能撑多六年？

健康太糟糕了。整个人废了的感觉。

已经病了十五天，还是不能痊愈。

灰，很灰。

心语细述 |系列|

Long weekend (4)

Another Monday. Another last day of three days long weekend.

Neither a win nor a fail this time. On the fence.

Still sick, at around 50% to 60% these few days. That stuffy feeling. Phlegm that couldn't be coughed or blew out, yet enough to cause discomfort. Nose and throat annoyingly partially unclear, just enough to be irritable.

Didn't worked overtime. No, that less than one hour wasn't counted. That's just how it is.

Managed to get some real progress on my Diablo IV season journey, albeit it's by giving up on the previous character and restarted a new one to do the boring rushed playstyle.

So ya, it's a neither good nor bad long weekend. Could have been better, also could have been worse.

Hope the next one is better.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

病夫

终于熬到星期五。还活着。感恩。

八月至今，七天。病足七天。

八月一日开始生病，第二天全日死尸般在床上度过。

第三天开始渐渐比较像活人，但就是不能完全痊愈。

如果老天是要告诉我，这八月也将会是个烂透的月份，我收到、明白了。

真的，毋庸置疑，我完全理解了。不必再让我病下去。

我都没有期望八月会比七月好…

贱命一条。

随兴随想 |系列|

Long weekend (3)

Another Monday. Another last day of my long weekend.

But this time, it's a four days long weekend. Took Friday and Monday off.

Would have added a "yay!" at the end of the last paragraph, if it had gone as planned. You know, the rest and relax, chill long weekend.

But alas, it's a big fail.

Not the usual worked overtime through weekend that kind of fail. But the sick throughout the long weekend that kind of fail.

Friday at half hit point, deteriorating. Saturday was half dead. Sunday was bedridden the whole day, fully dead to the world. And today, Monday, was quarter dead.

No, this is not rest and relax, this is recovering. They are different.

So ya, failed long weekend. Hope the next will be better.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

有感而发：离

今天是 My FM DJ 颜薇恩在电台工作的最后一天，告别她二十二年的广播生涯。

我开始工作至今，早上上班路上总有她的声音陪伴。

想到以后上班途上不会再听到她的声音了，还真的有点感伤。

那习惯了的声音，常常让我微笑，甚至笑出来的声音。

唉～

曲终人散。

有感而发 |系列|

雨

大雨，不停的下。

气温凉到，关了风扇好一阵。

天气冷，心里也只有残喘微弱的火苗。

蜡烛两头烧，耗尽了对任何事物的热忱和动力。

多日累积的疲惫，搞得精神很散漫、效率很低。

没有温度的世界，反映我愤世嫉俗的心境。

随兴随想 |系列|

Long weekend postponed

Monday today, not on leave.

Initial plan was three consecutive three days long weekends, made up from a public holiday and two annual leaves on consecutive Mondays.

Broke that streak today, because when I was on the third day of my latest working overtime streak last Thursday, I knew from the workload and progress then that I would be working straight through the weekend, and most likely into the early of this week.

So I postponed the annual leave today to this coming Friday, the last day of July, after which my annual leave would be forfeited.

Really do not want to be working when I am on leave, whenever possible. Not always possible, but I gotta try my best.

I worked overtime a total of 20 hours and 9 minutes this past weekend. Two days, twenty hours.

Coincidently, that was the total overtime hours I did in February this year, down to the minute. What are the odds?

I am beyond burned out.

Other |wretched workaholic| category entries.

没日没夜

星期天凌晨十二点半，几分钟前刚下班。

不是工作做完了，就只是太累了，无法再继续。

星期六的加时工作，应该有做了九个小时左右。几乎就是吃饭、上厕所、载送孩子以外的时间。

待会睡醒后又重复…

这是连续加时工作的第五天。

好累、好累。

这份工，唉～

心语细述 |系列|

Long weekend (2)

Another Monday. Another last day of my three days long weekend.

This is the second of the three long weekends this month. One more to come.

This three days long weekend is a solid fail. Instead of rest and relax, I have clocked 11 hours and 24 minutes of overtime work thus far. That amount will likely increase after dinner tonight...

Worked overtime from after lunch to before dinner on both Saturday and Sunday. Solid working hours. Only stopped because had to go pick up kid from tuition and to have dinner out.

And worked past midnight on Saturday. Spared myself on Sunday night, as I was simply too tired.

And too fed up. The discontentment with work has reached too high a level. Frustrated with how the project is managed, the frequent change in direction, resulting in all these overtimes, and still struggled to keep up.

This long weekend is definitely a failure, and despite all the overtime hours, I am still behind. So the pressure is still looming large.

Can already foresee the endless bombardments tomorrow when I resume my online presence. Not looking forward to it. At all.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

累

真不明白，做什么要活得这么累？

周末不是在休息充电，而是马不停蹄的加时工作。

午餐前的片段就不算了，周末两天，午餐到晚餐间是没有停息的工作。然后昨晚再接再厉的做到快凌晨一点。

今晚不知道是不是也会是这样？

只知道我现在非常十分的烦躁不满、怨念很重。

最近开始想着退休的事，很遗憾的只能想想，因为没有能够退休的本钱。

唉～ 命真苦。

活得好累。

心语细述 |系列|

Headache

Woke up with a headache.

No, I did not drink. I do not believe in self-poisoning.

More importantly, I like to have full control over my mind, my thinking.

Headache persisted throughout the day, and got progressively worse.

Very irritable. So all those impromptu meetings, unsolicited calls, additional demands and parachuted tasks, became super annoying. Nerve fraying, really.

By the end of the working hours, of which I worked overtime by about 45 minutes but pretended I didn't, I had to head straight to the bed and be a zombie.

Got up after about 1.5 hours for dinner. Then dish washing. Then throwing the rubbish. Then writing this.

Not a good day.

Other |runaway rants| category entries.

Long weekend (1)

Monday today, last day of my three days long weekend. Resuming work tomorrow.

This is the first of the three long weekends this month. Two more three days long weekends in subsequent weeks.

I will rate myself successful for this long weekend. Only did about half an hour of overtime, which I considered as does not count.

Yes, kind of lying to myself but that's just how it is.

Spent the long weekend mainly catching up on my gaming, and napped more than usual.

Though game progress is a lot slower than I hope, I try not to stress about it. Defeats the purpose of gaming otherwise.

Can't say I am well-rested, because I am still constantly tired, and the headache still lingers. Subtlety, but there nonetheless.

Oh well, work resumes tomorrow. Too bad.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

又一季

今天看了《奔跑吧》第十四季的最后一集，还是暖暖的收官。

希望年尾会有特别篇啦。

一开始是韩国的 Running Man，然后是中国的《奔跑吧兄弟》，然后改称的《奔跑吧》，到最近的泰国版 Running Man，我都看了。而且如果没有什么特别原因，我都打算继续看下去。

喜欢综艺，因为看了、笑了，就足够了。就是消遣娱乐嘛。看看、笑笑、轻松一下。

那些偶尔会看到的美丽风景、新地点的介绍、突如其来的感动，都是额外附加的福利。

希望一直都会有这样的综艺节目啦。

随兴随想 |系列|

To not burn

To not have any of my hard-earned annual leaves burned by the end of the month, I will need to take at least two days off in July.

In terms of work, the whole of last month was just one exhausting and frustrating mess, that left me with no life, no time and energy for anything else.

July didn't actually started off great, but these few days are slightly better. Here's hoping there will be no repeat of last month.

Anyway, I have to take at least two days off this month, and initially I wanted to take a whole work week off, five days leave to make a nine days break.

Manager asked me to have a coverage. Fair. And if possible, to break it down to two and three days leaves, given I am not going on vacation or anything, just wanted a break. Okay.

Which got me thinking. I don't really have coverage, not for the primary hands on work I do anyway, because my thermal model and my thermal simulation are built and run on a Computational Fluid Dynamics (CFD) software that none of the other thermal engineers in the department uses.

Used to have another colleague in the team who knows that CFD software, but he has left the company. Maybe I should switch to the more common but less features CFD software...

Anyway, shorter break will probably mean I could get away without a coverage, and I also think that I will most likely end up working overtime if I took the whole work week off. My manager thinks so too. She knows me.

So I dropped the whole work week off idea, and am just going to take two separate Mondays off to make three days long weekends.

Monday instead of Friday because there is a weekly Artificial Intelligence sharing on Friday afternoon that I like to attend. Goodness knows I need to get on that A.I. bandwagon before I am left in the dust, outdated and irrelevant.

If I am not already.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

七月

七月了。

新的一个月份，希望是新的的一个开始，换掉上个月的晦气，和无尽的劳烦。转转运吧。

希望是那样，现实又是另一样。

七月一日，病了，还连续病了两天。

七月一日，就需要加时工作了。至今七月才第四天而已，已经加时工作了两天，还是睁一只眼闭一只眼没把今早（星期六）做了半小时算进去那种，自我欺骗的算法。

转运？噗嗤！真可笑。

这就是命。

随兴随想 |系列|

有感而发：废掉

六月，有三十天。

今年六月的这三十天里，有三天的公假，八天的周末，和我拿了一天半的年假，所以照理我只有十七天半的工作日。

事实却是我做了二十六天的工，其中加时工作了二十一天。

抛开周末不说，这个月的公假和我拿的年假加起来都已是四天半了，但这三十天里，只有四天，我没有工作。

现实很残酷。有些苦，真的只有自己知。

整个六月，根本就没有时间运动。可以不累着起床，整天可以不头疼，还真的就当作赚到了…

可悲，但事实。

整个月就这样废掉了。

有感而发 |系列|

三天半长周末

原本是上个周末要拿的假，延迟了一个礼拜，因为要被催命似的赶工出模拟数据。

当然他们又大改了设计，但要数据报告的日期却没有跟着改动，只是更加频密的催工…

嗯，不是要讲那个。言归正传。

上星期五半天假，明天星期一全天假，加上周末一共三天半的假。

今天是星期天，所以至今已过了两天半，我也已经做了两天半的加时工作…

是，就是这么贱。真的是贱到自己都看不起自己。

唉～

我是真的打算今晚不再加时工作了的，然后明天也一整天不工作。这样至少我还有一天是真的休假的。

当然，我的经理明天设了一个蛮重要的会，要谈我们小组近期报告的对应策略和方案。欸，经理，可是你批准了我的假期的哦…

又当然，他国那另一个，好像把我当成是他的下属的那个别人的经理，也设了另一个会议，要谈那每星期会大改至少一次的项目，有关散热的方案。所以需要我的模拟数据。

但我明天休假嘞，你们根本不当我休假是一回事是不是？

当然…

我是真的打算明天不工作的啦。

希望自己明天不要犯贱。

心语细述 |系列|

My bad!

Okay, after a thorough check, there is nothing wrong with my thermal model after all.

As in, I didn't made any mistake in building it, hence it could run without problem. High quality mesh, correct power inputs and all that.

The simulation results showing unbelievably high temperature all round are in fact, the correct prediction, the computational fluid dynamics software doing its job flawlessly.

All the grieves came from me making a rookie mistake: leaving the cabinet in its default settings of adiabatic walls. Meaning I am putting a device that keeps generating heat inside an enclosure that cannot transfer the heat out, so everything within the enclosure keeps getting hotter.

Such a noob mistake! >_<

Funny thing is I don't remember why I changed the settings back to default, because in the previous version, I had it set correctly. It's supposed to be a temporary thing, but thanks to my goldfish memory, I forgot to change it back.

Oh well. My bad, I freely admit it.

At least the grieves were my own making, not from the others.

Goodness knows I have had enough grieves from the others for this particular project.

Other |sane side| category entries.

Of course

Finally completed the thermal model for the major change last week, but of course it cannot run properly.

Some unknown error when reading view factor, can calculate the view factor just fine but when trying to read/write to local hard drive, it just errored out.

Looked up the internet for solution and recommendation. Tried whatever I could but still no dice.

Changed to another radiation model that's more computing resource intensive and suddenly the model has no problem running...

WTF is going on? I have been using the other radiation model for ages, as recent as the previous version of the model last week and it had no problem.

I have no time to debug that, and probably is something beyond my capability anyway, so all I can do now is to use the more computing resource intensive radiation model.

The simulation ran overnight is completed, residuals are good, no divergence and all that. But the temperature is unreasonable high all round. Of course, things cannot just go well for me.

The first thing I checked is the power input. I triple checked and don't see anything wrong with the input. I post-processed the solved case and don't see anything strange with the flow field.

So WTF is wrong with the model? Spent the whole day debugging, and not really getting anywhere.

While I am still cracking my head on this, the team lead informed us there is another major change, the system dimensions are totally different now.

Of course.

Other |runaway rants| category entries.

Burning out

This is the fourth consecutive weekend that I am working overtime.

Made infinitely worse as this was supposed to be the weekend that I properly rest, a desperately needed break from work.

I got my annual leaves aligned with my manager in the beginning of the month, half day on the past Friday, and full day on coming Monday, to get myself a 3.5 days long weekend to rest and relax. Absolutely no work.

But on past Friday morning, I had to postpone the leaves by a week, because I knew I had to work overtime this weekend. No thank you to take leave just to be working overtime.

No need to add insult to injury.

So I am dead tired, and extremely fed up.

Soon, there will be nothing left to burn.

Other |wretched workaholic| category entries.

Low batt

Low energy level. Everyday.

Headache comes and goes. Ever present.

Working everyday, no day off. No break.

Tired. Just tired.

Shitty condition. Shitty situation.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

罪加一等

无薪加时工作，是很对不起自己的事，是很贱的罪过。

在公众假期无薪加时工作，罪加一等！

是，我贱、我罪过。

更多的是，我非常十分无奈。

随兴随想 |系列|

有感而发：贱

连续九天的加时工作，除了吃饭、如厕、和难免的载送做司机任务外，真的就是那睁眼就工作到晚上或凌晨闭眼睡觉的那种。

哦，还有那些要找工作间隙，像人体工程学软件促使的工间休息时间，来完成的家务。因为如情人老婆仔所说的那样，要抱着当作放假在家很有空的大儿子没有在心态。

问题是，这“没有在”的人，我还得照顾他的三餐，洗、晒、收他的衣服… 如果真的是没有在我反而轻松些。

欸，不是要写关于那话题，让我言归正传。

连续九天夙兴夜寐的加时工作，既是周末也一样，来赶出热流模拟的数据。

然后就被一句 “热流模拟数据不对” 给敷衍带过。

勾叉零蛋三角形！你敷衍我，我还不是很在意，因为那是你人品的问题，与我无关；但你说我的热流模拟不对，我就非常的在意，那是对我工作品质的攻击！

请把话说好来，热流模拟数据没有问题，数据显示那设计很有问题我们两位散热工程师一点都不出奇，毕竟我们早已跟你们说过了，你们那设计对散热非常不友好。

你们不相信我们散热工程师说的，硬要数据来支撑我们的意见，现在数据出来了，你就讲这样的屁话？

你过后说设计变了，不是热流模型那设计了。那不是我的热流模拟不对，是你改了原本那烂设计又没有告诉团队，却要抛锅到我头上，勾叉零蛋四角形！于是我把你之前发出来给我做热流模型的 3D图，那你说我模拟数据不对的部分的截图，放在团队的即时通讯群里留个证据。

要攻击我的工作品质，请慎重考虑，那是我必会捍卫的事。

会议里跟你要最新的 3D图来修改或重建我的热流模型，你就推说待会。到了下班时间都没有发给我 3D图。第二天星期六我又加时工作来跟你要 3D图，你依旧说待会。我到了中午就下班了，没理由因为那迟迟都发不出来的 3D图傻傻的等，浪费我的周末。

所以这周末我不算真的有加班到，但因为连续那么多天没日没夜的忙，周末没有在做工我竟然有点不习惯，有点莫名的愧疚感。真是的，工作上遇到贱人也就罢了，为什么自己要这么命贱？

有感而发 |系列|

Stressed

Worked overtime every single day, including two weekends, for the simulation results shared to team today.

Before the simulation results are available, the thermal team (all two of us) already knew that the thermal performance is going to be bad, but the rest of the team would not listen, and would not make changes to improve the design.

So I had to go through the motion of building the thermal model for this badly designed system, ran the simulations, and showed the results to the team.

The bad results are no surprise to the thermal team, if only the rest of the team could have believed us, we would have made better and more efficient progress in system design.

But alas, such is the team, so such is the progress. Waste of my time and effort really, could have been put to better use.

Still the lead is not fully on board, still pushing back on improvement ideas, rejecting some without a thought.

Great, more rounds of this low value simulation just to have the data for "I told you so".

Rather not really, but oh well, such is the team...

Needless stress.

Other |runaway rants| category entries.

二十年

小天使，二十年了…
你和奶奶在天国可好？
希望是那样

你那总要人操心的大弟弟大学先修班重考了一次后可以进大学了
成绩单里没有一科优级，虽没有期望，但还是有点失望
看来他还是那样的态度…

还没有收入的他很舍得花了五百多块的生活费买个鼠标
因为要玩电脑游戏用
唉～

等待大学开学这几周他回到家里
妈妈劝我说就当作他不在，省点心
看来也只能那样，毕竟我很忙、很烦

妈妈不在家
跟公司在他州开会和晚宴，然后出国旅游
下星期五才会回来

妈妈不在，爸爸没有人可以依靠
没有抱抱、没有寄托
烦恼压力都只有自己撑

你要看护着妈妈哦
让她玩得开开心心
安全的归来

想着你，小天使…

心语细述 |系列|

Tough days ahead

Project management is a mess, things changed on a daily basis and yet the deadline for thermal assessment is two days.

I said I need two weeks, and they said two days, simply because they want something to report out this coming Friday.

Too bad then, should have managed the project better. Can't even have the project properly defined, still making changes today. The dimensions today are totally different to yesterday's, so I guess they would ask for one day thermal model generation, simulation and assessment if I asked today.

I didn't bother. There is no point when working with this kind of people.

I am doing my best, did overtime yesterday, and going to work overtime after dinner tonight. But I am not miracle worker, the thermal model will not be ready, let alone thermal simulation.

What's really going to make it tough though, is that wifey is going on a trip, so I am losing my wellbeing support.

Going to be stressful these coming days. I am already dreading it.

Other |hyped up heads up| category entries.

Small, meaningful

Supposed to meet up with some colleague friends last week.

I was preparing for it since Monday, looked up the location, identified the routes (two, one as back up just in case), located a nearby coffee shop that I can spend time in as I planned to arrive early to avoid the rush hour traffic.

I was prepared, but then headache struck on the day. The kind that rendered me zombie-like on the bed, dead to the world.

So I missed it. Bollocks.

Today, there was another gathering with ex-colleague friends, and I made it.

Just three of us, but then I preferred small gathering with meaningful conversation, instead of big gathering where people talked in small groups anyway, where most of the people in the gathering do not know what's happening at the other end of the table. Or just two seats away really.

So a lunch and we moved to a tea house after, and then it's already 16:00 hours, just like that.

I take that as we were having a good time, so the time passed quickly.

For a borderline antisocial person, I find this a worthwhile social event.

Other |enjoyable events| category entries.

Potato mode on!

Public and replacement holidays next Monday and Tuesday, plus the half day leave I took today make a 4.5 days long weekend, yippie! =D

And since the project management keeps changing their mind on a weekly basis, I actually do not have the latest information to be able to do anything, so there is no worry about working overtime this long weekend.

I will take that as a blessing in disguise, and worry about the unrealistic deadline they will demand when they finally decided on something solid.

Not like it's the first time we suffer for management issue. Have zero confidence they will improve. Call me a skeptic, but I am just being realistic.

Anyway, I intend to sink some substantial time in playing Diablo IV, to progress in the season journey and be done with it. Like the storyline, but can't say I enjoy the gameplay. The latest and not greatest item and loot changes have been unnecessarily convoluted, and the many more one shot kill mechanisms are pure frustration. Most of the time I didn't even know what killed me.

Don't really have any other plan for the long weekend...

So heads up, potato mode is on! Don't contact me for work related stuff, bad karma and shittiest luck for the remaining of the year to whoever that does.

Other |hyped up heads up| category entries.