七月

七月了。

新的一个月份，希望是新的的一个开始，换掉上个月的晦气，和无尽的劳烦。转转运吧。

希望是那样，现实又是另一样。

七月一日，病了，还连续病了两天。

七月一日，就需要加时工作了。至今七月才第四天而已，已经加时工作了两天，还是睁一只眼闭一只眼没把今早（星期六）做了半小时算进去那种，自我欺骗的算法。

转运？噗嗤！真可笑。

这就是命。

随兴随想 |系列|

有感而发：废掉

六月，有三十天。

今年六月的这三十天里，有三天的公假，八天的周末，和我拿了一天半的年假，所以照理我只有十七天半的工作日。

事实却是我做了二十六天的工，其中加时工作了二十一天。

抛开周末不说，这个月的公假和我拿的年假加起来都已是四天半了，但这三十天里，只有四天，我没有工作。

现实很残酷。有些苦，真的只有自己知。

整个六月，根本就没有时间运动。可以不累着起床，整天可以不头疼，还真的就当作赚到了…

可悲，但事实。

整个月就这样废掉了。

有感而发 |系列|

三天半长周末

原本是上个周末要拿的假，延迟了一个礼拜，因为要被催命似的赶工出模拟数据。

当然他们又大改了设计，但要数据报告的日期却没有跟着改动，只是更加频密的催工…

嗯，不是要讲那个。言归正传。

上星期五半天假，明天星期一全天假，加上周末一共三天半的假。

今天是星期天，所以至今已过了两天半，我也已经做了两天半的加时工作…

是，就是这么贱。真的是贱到自己都看不起自己。

唉～

我是真的打算今晚不再加时工作了的，然后明天也一整天不工作。这样至少我还有一天是真的休假的。

当然，我的经理明天设了一个蛮重要的会，要谈我们小组近期报告的对应策略和方案。欸，经理，可是你批准了我的假期的哦…

又当然，他国那另一个，好像把我当成是他的下属的那个别人的经理，也设了另一个会议，要谈那每星期会大改至少一次的项目，有关散热的方案。所以需要我的模拟数据。

但我明天休假嘞，你们根本不当我休假是一回事是不是？

当然…

我是真的打算明天不工作的啦。

希望自己明天不要犯贱。

心语细述 |系列|

My bad!

Okay, after a thorough check, there is nothing wrong with my thermal model after all.

As in, I didn't made any mistake in building it, hence it could run without problem. High quality mesh, correct power inputs and all that.

The simulation results showing unbelievably high temperature all round are in fact, the correct prediction, the computational fluid dynamics software doing its job flawlessly.

All the grieves came from me making a rookie mistake: leaving the cabinet in its default settings of adiabatic walls. Meaning I am putting a device that keeps generating heat inside an enclosure that cannot transfer the heat out, so everything within the enclosure keeps getting hotter.

Such a noob mistake! >_<

Funny thing is I don't remember why I changed the settings back to default, because in the previous version, I had it set correctly. It's supposed to be a temporary thing, but thanks to my goldfish memory, I forgot to change it back.

Oh well. My bad, I freely admit it.

At least the grieves were my own making, not from the others.

Goodness knows I have had enough grieves from the others for this particular project.

Other |sane side| category entries.

Of course

Finally completed the thermal model for the major change last week, but of course it cannot run properly.

Some unknown error when reading view factor, can calculate the view factor just fine but when trying to read/write to local hard drive, it just errored out.

Looked up the internet for solution and recommendation. Tried whatever I could but still no dice.

Changed to another radiation model that's more computing resource intensive and suddenly the model has no problem running...

WTF is going on? I have been using the other radiation model for ages, as recent as the previous version of the model last week and it had no problem.

I have no time to debug that, and probably is something beyond my capability anyway, so all I can do now is to use the more computing resource intensive radiation model.

The simulation ran overnight is completed, residuals are good, no divergence and all that. But the temperature is unreasonable high all round. Of course, things cannot just go well for me.

The first thing I checked is the power input. I triple checked and don't see anything wrong with the input. I post-processed the solved case and don't see anything strange with the flow field.

So WTF is wrong with the model? Spent the whole day debugging, and not really getting anywhere.

While I am still cracking my head on this, the team lead informed us there is another major change, the system dimensions are totally different now.

Of course.

Other |runaway rants| category entries.

Burning out

This is the fourth consecutive weekend that I am working overtime.

Made infinitely worse as this was supposed to be the weekend that I properly rest, a desperately needed break from work.

I got my annual leaves aligned with my manager in the beginning of the month, half day on the past Friday, and full day on coming Monday, to get myself a 3.5 days long weekend to rest and relax. Absolutely no work.

But on past Friday morning, I had to postpone the leaves by a week, because I knew I had to work overtime this weekend. No thank you to take leave just to be working overtime.

No need to add insult to injury.

So I am dead tired, and extremely fed up.

Soon, there will be nothing left to burn.

Other |wretched workaholic| category entries.

Low batt

Low energy level. Everyday.

Headache comes and goes. Ever present.

Working everyday, no day off. No break.

Tired. Just tired.

Shitty condition. Shitty situation.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

罪加一等

无薪加时工作，是很对不起自己的事，是很贱的罪过。

在公众假期无薪加时工作，罪加一等！

是，我贱、我罪过。

更多的是，我非常十分无奈。

随兴随想 |系列|

有感而发：贱

连续九天的加时工作，除了吃饭、如厕、和难免的载送做司机任务外，真的就是那睁眼就工作到晚上或凌晨闭眼睡觉的那种。

哦，还有那些要找工作间隙，像人体工程学软件促使的工间休息时间，来完成的家务。因为如情人老婆仔所说的那样，要抱着当作放假在家很有空的大儿子没有在心态。

问题是，这“没有在”的人，我还得照顾他的三餐，洗、晒、收他的衣服… 如果真的是没有在我反而轻松些。

欸，不是要写关于那话题，让我言归正传。

连续九天夙兴夜寐的加时工作，既是周末也一样，来赶出热流模拟的数据。

然后就被一句 “热流模拟数据不对” 给敷衍带过。

勾叉零蛋三角形！你敷衍我，我还不是很在意，因为那是你人品的问题，与我无关；但你说我的热流模拟不对，我就非常的在意，那是对我工作品质的攻击！

请把话说好来，热流模拟数据没有问题，数据显示那设计很有问题我们两位散热工程师一点都不出奇，毕竟我们早已跟你们说过了，你们那设计对散热非常不友好。

你们不相信我们散热工程师说的，硬要数据来支撑我们的意见，现在数据出来了，你就讲这样的屁话？

你过后说设计变了，不是热流模型那设计了。那不是我的热流模拟不对，是你改了原本那烂设计又没有告诉团队，却要抛锅到我头上，勾叉零蛋四角形！于是我把你之前发出来给我做热流模型的 3D图，那你说我模拟数据不对的部分的截图，放在团队的即时通讯群里留个证据。

要攻击我的工作品质，请慎重考虑，那是我必会捍卫的事。

会议里跟你要最新的 3D图来修改或重建我的热流模型，你就推说待会。到了下班时间都没有发给我 3D图。第二天星期六我又加时工作来跟你要 3D图，你依旧说待会。我到了中午就下班了，没理由因为那迟迟都发不出来的 3D图傻傻的等，浪费我的周末。

所以这周末我不算真的有加班到，但因为连续那么多天没日没夜的忙，周末没有在做工我竟然有点不习惯，有点莫名的愧疚感。真是的，工作上遇到贱人也就罢了，为什么自己要这么命贱？

有感而发 |系列|

Stressed

Worked overtime every single day, including two weekends, for the simulation results shared to team today.

Before the simulation results are available, the thermal team (all two of us) already knew that the thermal performance is going to be bad, but the rest of the team would not listen, and would not make changes to improve the design.

So I had to go through the motion of building the thermal model for this badly designed system, ran the simulations, and showed the results to the team.

The bad results are no surprise to the thermal team, if only the rest of the team could have believed us, we would have made better and more efficient progress in system design.

But alas, such is the team, so such is the progress. Waste of my time and effort really, could have been put to better use.

Still the lead is not fully on board, still pushing back on improvement ideas, rejecting some without a thought.

Great, more rounds of this low value simulation just to have the data for "I told you so".

Rather not really, but oh well, such is the team...

Needless stress.

Other |runaway rants| category entries.

二十年

小天使，二十年了…
你和奶奶在天国可好？
希望是那样

你那总要人操心的大弟弟大学先修班重考了一次后可以进大学了
成绩单里没有一科优级，虽没有期望，但还是有点失望
看来他还是那样的态度…

还没有收入的他很舍得花了五百多块的生活费买个鼠标
因为要玩电脑游戏用
唉～

等待大学开学这几周他回到家里
妈妈劝我说就当作他不在，省点心
看来也只能那样，毕竟我很忙、很烦

妈妈不在家
跟公司在他州开会和晚宴，然后出国旅游
下星期五才会回来

妈妈不在，爸爸没有人可以依靠
没有抱抱、没有寄托
烦恼压力都只有自己撑

你要看护着妈妈哦
让她玩得开开心心
安全的归来

想着你，小天使…

心语细述 |系列|

Tough days ahead

Project management is a mess, things changed on a daily basis and yet the deadline for thermal assessment is two days.

I said I need two weeks, and they said two days, simply because they want something to report out this coming Friday.

Too bad then, should have managed the project better. Can't even have the project properly defined, still making changes today. The dimensions today are totally different to yesterday's, so I guess they would ask for one day thermal model generation, simulation and assessment if I asked today.

I didn't bother. There is no point when working with this kind of people.

I am doing my best, did overtime yesterday, and going to work overtime after dinner tonight. But I am not miracle worker, the thermal model will not be ready, let alone thermal simulation.

What's really going to make it tough though, is that wifey is going on a trip, so I am losing my wellbeing support.

Going to be stressful these coming days. I am already dreading it.

Other |hyped up heads up| category entries.

Small, meaningful

Supposed to meet up with some colleague friends last week.

I was preparing for it since Monday, looked up the location, identified the routes (two, one as back up just in case), located a nearby coffee shop that I can spend time in as I planned to arrive early to avoid the rush hour traffic.

I was prepared, but then headache struck on the day. The kind that rendered me zombie-like on the bed, dead to the world.

So I missed it. Bollocks.

Today, there was another gathering with ex-colleague friends, and I made it.

Just three of us, but then I preferred small gathering with meaningful conversation, instead of big gathering where people talked in small groups anyway, where most of the people in the gathering do not know what's happening at the other end of the table. Or just two seats away really.

So a lunch and we moved to a tea house after, and then it's already 16:00 hours, just like that.

I take that as we were having a good time, so the time passed quickly.

For a borderline antisocial person, I find this a worthwhile social event.

Other |enjoyable events| category entries.

Potato mode on!

Public and replacement holidays next Monday and Tuesday, plus the half day leave I took today make a 4.5 days long weekend, yippie! =D

And since the project management keeps changing their mind on a weekly basis, I actually do not have the latest information to be able to do anything, so there is no worry about working overtime this long weekend.

I will take that as a blessing in disguise, and worry about the unrealistic deadline they will demand when they finally decided on something solid.

Not like it's the first time we suffer for management issue. Have zero confidence they will improve. Call me a skeptic, but I am just being realistic.

Anyway, I intend to sink some substantial time in playing Diablo IV, to progress in the season journey and be done with it. Like the storyline, but can't say I enjoy the gameplay. The latest and not greatest item and loot changes have been unnecessarily convoluted, and the many more one shot kill mechanisms are pure frustration. Most of the time I didn't even know what killed me.

Don't really have any other plan for the long weekend...

So heads up, potato mode is on! Don't contact me for work related stuff, bad karma and shittiest luck for the remaining of the year to whoever that does.

Other |hyped up heads up| category entries.

Never end

Just when I was about to finish with the questionable aesthetic pleasing chassis that is a nightmare for thermal model generation, they change the whole damn thing yet again.

Every single week, a major change that renders whatever I am working on obsolete.

Basically they haven't decided on a firm direction, just randomly throwing out ideas, yet they demand thermal assessment to be done as soon as possible.

And had the cheek to say more changes coming.

What the fish and duck? What's the point of doing an assessment on something you already discarded? Bunch of monkey clowns.

Waste of my time and effort.

I will just wait until you get your mess sorted and decided on something more solid, a proper project direction instead of this sorry state you shamelessly considered defined.

Other |runaway rants| category entries.

Random thoughts

Spent one whole working day, just to get something acceptable in thermal model for the rounded corners the mechanical design loves so much.

And most likely will have to totally replace them with stair-step version when the mesh gives endless convergence problem.

-----

How can someone feel alright for hurting another person? Knowingly.

That is care? That is privilege?

-----

Headache, for no apparent reason.

Left eye. Top left side of head.

Being zombie in the bed is all I could do.

-----

Diablo IV Lord of Hatred item, loot and Horadric Cube are just one convoluted system that I do not enjoy.

A fail in my book.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

Shell

I am done. Finished. Drained. Emptied. Hollowed out.

Pushed around. Ignored. Disrespected. Gaslighted.

Repeatedly. Again and again.

No remorse.

I am broken.

A writhed husk.

Other |sane side| category entries.

悟

“天下无难事，只要肯放弃。”

我笑点低，所以第一次听到这句话，觉得是很搞笑的歪理。

然后几年后的如今，开始怀疑，那是不是已经活到了另一个境界的领悟？

当然要放得下，先要学会不在乎。断舍离。

所以我自己加了条后句：

“凡事都能放，只要不在乎。”

如果做得到，应该会活得轻松快乐些吧？

随兴随想 |系列|

忌日

三年。

我们好好。

对不起。谢谢你。

心语细述 |系列|

292 steps

I am getting further and further away from my flat rectangular shape. It's not an attractive body shape, but that's my shape for many years.

Well, many years when I was younger.

For the many more recent years, that flat rectangular shape is developing a bulge. It's getting bigger and bigger.

While round is also a shape and I have nothing against it really, I simply prefer the rectangular more. For my body shape, that is.

So I have been exercising since early May, every alternative weekday.

I would take the rubbish out after I washed the dishes, take the lift down, and climb the stairs back to my unit.

That's 17 floors, 292 stair-steps, and takes me around 6 minutes of steady walk without break.

Don't know how long this will last. I can but try.

Other |flickering fling| category entries.

Finally

Twelve days after the launch of Diablo IV second expansion: Lord of Hatred, I have finally completed the campaign.

I know there are many who bragged about completing the campaign, getting to max level, end game and all that in a few hours on launch day. Good for you, but as someone who loves the lore and enjoys the details, no thanks.

I am a slow gamer and proud of it, hahaha! =P

Sure am glad I am done with the campaign, mightily curious how Blizzard will continue the story? Is it going to be about another Prime Evil now?

Until the next lore update though, time for me to get myself familiar with the new features in this expansion.

And to complete the season journey.

Hope I will have enough game time for that, and not ending up with a mad rush that's totally not my way of having fun playing a game.

Other |geeky gaming| category entries.

有感而发：散

几年前我换了部门。新环境、新同事。

反社会、反交际的我绝大多数时候是独来独往，但还是在同事间有了两位朋友。

一位去年尾离开了公司。另一位这月尾将要离开公司。

有那曲终人散的感觉。

归零。

终究人走茶凉？

伤感。惆怅。失落。

愿他们寻获他们的梦想和成就…

有感而发 |系列|

May

May has arrived.

Well, already the fifth day of May.

Won't say that I have writer's block, more like lack of interesting things to record.

Same old same old.

Efforts and sacrifices mostly taken for granted.

Unfulfillment and dissatisfaction a regular part of life.

Life goes on.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

心的频道：第八个

六个月后，我再次收到了公司要为我有参与的发明概念，申请专利的通知。

是上星期六发出的电邮通告，我这星期一才看到。但星期一在公司忙了一整天，回到家我都忘了要做个记录。

这是我第八个专利申请。=)

心安理得的接受，因为可以说是我把整组人拖过终点线的。

好啦，应该说是一个半人，把整组五个人拖完最后那几百米。我是贡献了一整个人，加另外两位各四分之一。

我那许许多多周末的加时工作，总算没有徒劳无功。

第八个。开心，感恩。

心的频道 |系列|

Diablo IV Lord of Hatred

Diablo IV second expansion: Lord of Hatred has arrived!

I have pre-purchased it a while back so I had played one of the two new classes in this expansion: the Paladin. So, like many others, I will be playing the new Warlock class this season.

Many new and changed things besides the new classes in this expansion. There is the continuation of the storyline in a new region. The level cap is raised to 70. The Horadric Cube is back, as well as set items.

Skill trees got overhauled. End game is supposedly more fun now, with a War Plan system to help organise the activities and earn rewards. Not sure what the fuss is about loot, but Blizzard said the new Loot Filter is much asked for.

Also not sure why Blizzard has to include fishing in so many of its games, but ya, players can fish in Diablo IV now. For the record I continue to ignore the fishing in Diablo Immortal since it was introduced, however long ago that was.

Here's hoping I have time to enjoy the game.

Other |geeky gaming| category entries.

全…？

情人老婆仔旅游回来了，嘢！^_^

家里有老婆仔，感觉完整。

又可以不时就跑去索抱了，呵呵！=P

我不是她优先考虑的人和事，论先后次序，我排在很后很后…

她自己、孩子、她家人、她的工作和客户、运动、韩剧和陆剧，这些过后才是我的顺序。

多年不被优先和经历的拒绝，我也渐渐不自讨没趣。两个人的事，一个人坚持是徒劳无功的，只有碰一鼻子灰。

所以家里是人全了，但我不全。很久了。

心语细述 |系列|

有感而发：缺

感觉很缺。

缺动力、缺进度。这整个星期都不知道完成了什么？

处处不顺、徒劳无功。总有琐琐碎碎的杂活、那些被点去做的苦差、突然空降无头无尾令人摸不着头脑的悬任务、一堆费时费事但又没有什么报告价值的零碎工作。

缺抱、缺爱。情人老婆仔不在，我空虚、寂寞、冷。「蓝瘦，香菇」。=(

希望她玩得开心，期待她的归来。

缺时间。明天就星期五了，我都没有东西交差，唉…

又，〈黑暗破坏神IV〉第十二季马上就要结束了，我还好多任务没完成嘞！

忙到根本都没什么时间玩，看来这一季是废了，完成不了任务了，唉…

如果不缺钱该有多好，马上就辞工享受人生！

有感而发 |系列|

Small win

Didn't work overtime this weekend.

Broke the streak. Win!

Gotta celebrate these small wins.

Could well be all I am going to get.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

Blood

Repeat and repeat, the plea for care and concern, and see them ignored and made nothing of.

Acknowledged by answering myself to console myself that yes, at least I heard myself if nobody else does.

A simple "oh" to myself, an act of giving up really, but somehow it would trigger the common courtesy of acknowledgement. Too late, the damage is done.

The "I don't know what to say" just reinforced how unimportant it is. Courtesy aside, if there were any trace of care or concern, there would be plenty to say and do.

The message is clear. So I stopped bothering.

Day after day, head foggy and heavy, often ache. Discomfort and pain on various part of the body, constant irritation. Sick and illness comes and goes. I could only trudge on, on my own.

I could drop dead and nobody in the house would realise for many hours, absolutely no chance of discovery within the golden period where I could still be saved.

That's just how it is.

The cold and running nose flared up again yesterday, so I was in even worse condition than I already was for many days. And dad noticed. He asked after me. He offered to drive me to the clinic. Care and concern, from blood.

Other |sane side| category entries.

So be it

Just want to put in record that today is the day I decided that, after the stock at home runs out, which is pretty soon, that I no longer want to have Coke at home.

Also, I no longer want to have potato chips as supper.

Don't get me wrong, I will still drink Coke and I will still eat chips, it's just that I no longer want to have Coke readily available at home, and I want to eat something healthier (hopefully) as supper.

Because my health is a mess now and I am in constant discomfort in a daily basis. I would like to live to 50. Nobody cares so it's up to myself.

It's a thought at the moment, and soon when the stock of Coke runs out, it will commence in earnest.

How long will I last? I honestly have no idea.

I can but try.

Other |flickering fling| category entries.

Three days long weekend

Took today, Monday, off to make a three days long weekend.

I desperately needed a break.

But I didn't get one.

Worked overtime on all three days, including a 02:42 to 04:51 hours bout.

Because that's when the simulations completed, and if I didn't post-process them and set subsequent cases to run, I would lose simulation time where the server and the workstation just sat idle.

And I couldn't sleep anyway.

Health is a total mess now. Constant headache. Horrible quality of sleep. Regular eye pain. Worst ever hemorrhoids. Emotionally deprived. Drained.

Besides sleep deprivation, I have been in constant ache and discomfort for days now. Could really use a lot of tender loving care.

Took annual leave to rest and relax, to release some stress. Got neither.

Only worse.

Absolute mess.

Other |runaway rants| category entries.