悟

“天下无难事，只要肯放弃。”

我笑点低，所以第一次听到这句话，觉得是很搞笑的歪理。

然后几年后的如今，开始怀疑，那是不是已经活到了另一个境界的领悟？

当然要放得下，先要学会不在乎。断舍离。

所以我自己加了条后句：

“凡事都能放，只要不在乎。”

如果做得到，应该会活得轻松快乐些吧？

随兴随想 |系列|

忌日

三年。

我们好好。

对不起。谢谢你。

心语细述 |系列|

292 steps

I am getting further and further away from my flat rectangular shape. It's not an attractive body shape, but that's my shape for many years.

Well, many years when I was younger.

For the many more recent years, that flat rectangular shape is developing a bulge. It's getting bigger and bigger.

While round is also a shape and I have nothing against it really, I simply prefer the rectangular more. For my body shape, that is.

So I have been exercising since early May, every alternative weekday.

I would take the rubbish out after I washed the dishes, take the lift down, and climb the stairs back to my unit.

That's 17 floors, 292 stair-steps, and takes me around 6 minutes of steady walk without break.

Don't know how long this will last. I can but try.

Other |flickering fling| category entries.

Finally

Twelve days after the launch of Diablo IV second expansion: Lord of Hatred, I have finally completed the campaign.

I know there are many who bragged about completing the campaign, getting to max level, end game and all that in a few hours on launch day. Good for you, but as someone who loves the lore and enjoys the details, no thanks.

I am a slow gamer and proud of it, hahaha! =P

Sure am glad I am done with the campaign, mightily curious how Blizzard will continue the story? Is it going to be about another Prime Evil now?

Until the next lore update though, time for me to get myself familiar with the new features in this expansion.

And to complete the season journey.

Hope I will have enough game time for that, and not ending up with a mad rush that's totally not my way of having fun playing a game.

Other |geeky gaming| category entries.

有感而发：散

几年前我换了部门。新环境、新同事。

反社会、反交际的我绝大多数时候是独来独往，但还是在同事间有了两位朋友。

一位去年尾离开了公司。另一位这月尾将要离开公司。

有那曲终人散的感觉。

归零。

终究人走茶凉？

伤感。惆怅。失落。

愿他们寻获他们的梦想和成就…

有感而发 |系列|

May

May has arrived.

Well, already the fifth day of May.

Won't say that I have writer's block, more like lack of interesting things to record.

Same old same old.

Efforts and sacrifices mostly taken for granted.

Unfulfillment and dissatisfaction a regular part of life.

Life goes on.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

心的频道：第八个

六个月后，我再次收到了公司要为我有参与的发明概念，申请专利的通知。

是上星期六发出的电邮通告，我这星期一才看到。但星期一在公司忙了一整天，回到家我都忘了要做个记录。

这是我第八个专利申请。=)

心安理得的接受，因为可以说是我把整组人拖过终点线的。

好啦，应该说是一个半人，把整组五个人拖完最后那几百米。我是贡献了一整个人，加另外两位各四分之一。

我那许许多多周末的加时工作，总算没有徒劳无功。

第八个。开心，感恩。

心的频道 |系列|

Diablo IV Lord of Hatred

Diablo IV second expansion: Lord of Hatred has arrived!

I have pre-purchased it a while back so I had played one of the two new classes in this expansion: the Paladin. So, like many others, I will be playing the new Warlock class this season.

Many new and changed things besides the new classes in this expansion. There is the continuation of the storyline in a new region. The level cap is raised to 70. The Horadric Cube is back, as well as set items.

Skill trees got overhauled. End game is supposedly more fun now, with a War Plan system to help organise the activities and earn rewards. Not sure what the fuss is about loot, but Blizzard said the new Loot Filter is much asked for.

Also not sure why Blizzard has to include fishing in so many of its games, but ya, players can fish in Diablo IV now. For the record I continue to ignore the fishing in Diablo Immortal since it was introduced, however long ago that was.

Here's hoping I have time to enjoy the game.

Other |geeky gaming| category entries.

全…？

情人老婆仔旅游回来了，嘢！^_^

家里有老婆仔，感觉完整。

又可以不时就跑去索抱了，呵呵！=P

我不是她优先考虑的人和事，论先后次序，我排在很后很后…

她自己、孩子、她家人、她的工作和客户、运动、韩剧和陆剧，这些过后才是我的顺序。

多年不被优先和经历的拒绝，我也渐渐不自讨没趣。两个人的事，一个人坚持是徒劳无功的，只有碰一鼻子灰。

所以家里是人全了，但我不全。很久了。

心语细述 |系列|

有感而发：缺

感觉很缺。

缺动力、缺进度。这整个星期都不知道完成了什么？

处处不顺、徒劳无功。总有琐琐碎碎的杂活、那些被点去做的苦差、突然空降无头无尾令人摸不着头脑的悬任务、一堆费时费事但又没有什么报告价值的零碎工作。

缺抱、缺爱。情人老婆仔不在，我空虚、寂寞、冷。「蓝瘦，香菇」。=(

希望她玩得开心，期待她的归来。

缺时间。明天就星期五了，我都没有东西交差，唉…

又，〈黑暗破坏神IV〉第十二季马上就要结束了，我还好多任务没完成嘞！

忙到根本都没什么时间玩，看来这一季是废了，完成不了任务了，唉…

如果不缺钱该有多好，马上就辞工享受人生！

有感而发 |系列|

Small win

Didn't work overtime this weekend.

Broke the streak. Win!

Gotta celebrate these small wins.

Could well be all I am going to get.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

Blood

Repeat and repeat, the plea for care and concern, and see them ignored and made nothing of.

Acknowledged by answering myself to console myself that yes, at least I heard myself if nobody else does.

A simple "oh" to myself, an act of giving up really, but somehow it would trigger the common courtesy of acknowledgement. Too late, the damage is done.

The "I don't know what to say" just reinforced how unimportant it is. Courtesy aside, if there were any trace of care or concern, there would be plenty to say and do.

The message is clear. So I stopped bothering.

Day after day, head foggy and heavy, often ache. Discomfort and pain on various part of the body, constant irritation. Sick and illness comes and goes. I could only trudge on, on my own.

I could drop dead and nobody in the house would realise for many hours, absolutely no chance of discovery within the golden period where I could still be saved.

That's just how it is.

The cold and running nose flared up again yesterday, so I was in even worse condition than I already was for many days. And dad noticed. He asked after me. He offered to drive me to the clinic. Care and concern, from blood.

Other |sane side| category entries.

So be it

Just want to put in record that today is the day I decided that, after the stock at home runs out, which is pretty soon, that I no longer want to have Coke at home.

Also, I no longer want to have potato chips as supper.

Don't get me wrong, I will still drink Coke and I will still eat chips, it's just that I no longer want to have Coke readily available at home, and I want to eat something healthier (hopefully) as supper.

Because my health is a mess now and I am in constant discomfort in a daily basis. I would like to live to 50. Nobody cares so it's up to myself.

It's a thought at the moment, and soon when the stock of Coke runs out, it will commence in earnest.

How long will I last? I honestly have no idea.

I can but try.

Other |flickering fling| category entries.

Three days long weekend

Took today, Monday, off to make a three days long weekend.

I desperately needed a break.

But I didn't get one.

Worked overtime on all three days, including a 02:42 to 04:51 hours bout.

Because that's when the simulations completed, and if I didn't post-process them and set subsequent cases to run, I would lose simulation time where the server and the workstation just sat idle.

And I couldn't sleep anyway.

Health is a total mess now. Constant headache. Horrible quality of sleep. Regular eye pain. Worst ever hemorrhoids. Emotionally deprived. Drained.

Besides sleep deprivation, I have been in constant ache and discomfort for days now. Could really use a lot of tender loving care.

Took annual leave to rest and relax, to release some stress. Got neither.

Only worse.

Absolute mess.

Other |runaway rants| category entries.

累·无奈

累。真的好累。

很想过个什么都不做，就只是休息的周末。真的很想。

拿了下星期一的假，虽然有这个月不拿假就要作废了的缘故，但更因为是累。

假是拿了，但已经知道今天晚餐后依然是要工作，而且很大可能三天长周末也是。

希望不需要三天都要加时工作啦…

我真的好累。

好无奈。

心语细述 |系列|

命贱莫思闲

三月过了，今年已经过了四分之一。

上星期整理了今年至今的加时工作记录，暂时还不错，如果继续这三个月的趋势，今年有望达到加时工作少过一百天的目标。

劳碌命的人，真的不可以这样遐想…

就因为有了那想法，马上就需要连续加时工作了三天。两天周末，和昨天做到近凌晨两点钟那种。

我知错了！求求不用再证明些什么了。

命贱的人，想都不要想。真的。

心语细述 |系列|

New view counter

Since February, the view counter for this blog that I used for many years has gone haywire.

I was hoping it's just a temporary glitch that would be sorted out, but alas, it wasn't.

From early February to early April, it reported negative view count for about twenty days. So the counter is no longer reliable and the view count is totally messed up.

I finally decided I have given it enough time to sort itself out, and since it didn't, I ditched it and changed to another counter from websiteOut (thanks!) yesterday.

So the view count (daily unique visitor) for this year is screwed, I will have to start over with this year being the new baseline. Oh well.

Blogspot does have its own counter though, which I displayed at the bottom of the left menu labelled Total Pageviews. That's Blogspot internal counter and it shows a pretty large number so I guess that must be from the beginning of this blog and most likely is page view instead of daily unique visitor count.

Anyway, let's hope this new counter is reliable.

Other |hyped up heads up| category entries.

生活点滴：选择

煎鸡蛋加上点酱清和胡椒粉，夹在两片面包间，是我从小就吃到大的三文治。

今天早餐，情人老婆仔也是帮我准备了鸡蛋面包三文治，感恩。=)

只是齁，今天用的是那吃起来干巴巴又哽喉咙的麦芽面包。=(

人生短短几十年，何必为难自己吃这么 dry 的面包哦？

午餐后洗盘碗时，我问情人老婆仔：“婆仔，为什么你买健康但不好吃的面包？你知道我比较喜欢不健康但好吃的白面包的吗齁？”

情人老婆仔一往精简的回说：“知道，没有白的了。”

我：“哦…”

结束。都还没有把也喜欢白面包的小瓜拖下水，呵呵！

唉，只好吃几天这很 dry（但比较健康！）的麦芽面包咯…

生活点滴 |系列|

Record!

Not even April yet and I have already completed my tax refund. This has got to be a record for me.

Yes yes, I know there are kiasu people who completed it as soon as the e-filing tool is available and some who already got the refund banked in.

I am not one of those people, I am the slacker extraordinaire, so the norm for me is doing it on the last few days before the end date.

This so un-slacker-like behaviour is due to this being the first time I am filing tax refund with wifey having income, so we decided to try to see whether filing together as one or separately net us higher amount of refund.

Hands down filing separately for our case, by a big margin. Now we know.

And since I have completed the two versions, I just submitted the filed separately version and be done with it.

So ya, 'tax refund completion more than one month before end date' achievement unlocked! =P

Other |nutty nuts| category entries.

Insecurity

My work involves working with customer to design their system to the best possible within their constraints.

So when I am not assigned to any project that works with the customer, but only assigned to internal projects, naturally I have some misgivings.

Truth is I feel a lot more comfortable not working with customer, because of my introvert and antisocial personality.

But I am not paid a salary to be comfortable, and the team charter is to work with the customer.

So there is sense of unease and insecurity.

Is this the sign of being next in line for the chopping board? That I am going to get axed soon?

Time will tell, and for the time being all I can do is worry myself senselessly.

The anxiety is real.

Other |sane side| category entries.

心的频道：老古董

我有同性恋的朋友，算是谈得来的。也有同性恋的亲人，很亲的那种。

我觉得有点奇怪的是，都是男的。我没有女同性恋的朋友。

没有刻意去交同性恋的朋友啦，毕竟我对社交越来越没有兴趣好多年了。应该超过十五年了吧？

人类很累人的！是的，我是反社会人格。

因为有同性恋的朋友和亲人，所以我认为我自己对同性恋是接受认可的。就是那些人的性取向嘛，我没有那样的性取向，但我也可以接受别人有那样的性取向的。我是那样认为啦…

昨天刚看最新一集泰国版的〈跑男〉，这一集是伴侣游戏，但只有一位女出演者，所以有很多对男男伴侣组合。

泰国应该是一个同性恋已经被普遍接受的国家，而我这在一个有很多无厘头约束的回教国家生活的人，还真的看那一集泰国版的〈跑男〉看到扑面的文化冲击。

每每原版韩国〈跑男〉有伴侣游戏时，男男伴侣组合是大家都抗拒厌烦的，男出演者总会想尽办法赢得女出演者的青睐来凑成男女组合。男男伴侣组合的其中一位需要男扮女装，而且都是走搞笑路线的，毕竟是小孩也合适的综艺节目嘛。

所以当连续两位泰国版的〈跑男〉男出演者把唯一的女出演者推开来凑成男男伴侣组合时，我真的是看了个傻眼。

然后就是游戏中那些很真挚的亲昵举动，明明如果是男女伴侣做的话，我会会心微笑那种，但是男男伴侣做时，我看了是觉得怪怪的。有点不舒服的感觉。

也许我不是自己想象中那么思想开通的…

我是可以接受同性恋这事，但可以的话不想要看到男男亲昵的举动的老古董。

心的频道 |系列|

Potato mode on!

Replacement holidays next Monday and Tuesday, so it's a four days long weekend, woohoo!

Granted, I just finished my overtime work not long ago but at least I still have 3.5 days long weekend.

Cheap labour should not complaint.

Here's hoping I can truly rest and relax for the rest of the 3.5 off days. Goodness knows I need it. Desperately.

So heads up, potato mode is on! Don't contact me for work related stuff, bad karma and shittiest luck for the remaining of the year to whoever that does.

Other |hyped up heads up| category entries.

Random thoughts

Just gotta be ambiguous despite the advance in astronomy so we can play hit and miss with public holiday and replacement holiday. A good way to mess up plan.

-----

Somehow they have predetermined some desired results before there is any data, so when actual data showed not meeting the desired results, it's crunch time for me to come up with some way to get that desired results. Fun time.

-----

So, who's bullying you? Or what's bothering you? Perhaps the concern is unwanted.

-----

Running Man Thailand is bringing back many fond memories of the original (Korean) Running Man, those early days.

-----

Super unfit. Quality of sleep all time low.

-----

Spider-Man: Brand New Day coming on 31st of July 2026, woot!

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

炒与被炒

几个月前辞职的旧同事朋友，今天告诉我一些有关炒公司鱿鱼，和被公司炒鱿鱼的差别。

说清楚点是自己丢信辞职，和被公司裁员的一些差别。

先说自己其实一直都有那帅气的丢信，加一句 “See you, suckers!”，然后拍屁股走人的幻想。炒公司鱿鱼，嘢！

至今那都还只是幻想，因为我既不帅气，也没有骨气。但有时这样想想，才会心里平衡点、好过点。

旧同事朋友说，自己辞职，就拿不到年尾花红；而那些被裁员，拿遣散配套的，就能够按工作月份比列拿到年尾花红。

真的有够抠。

还有就是还在职时帮公司做出来的专利，应该给的奖励金，也因为奖励金不是及时发放而是拖了几个月到他辞职后才发放，就没给了。有没有搞错？专利上可是写着他的名字的哦！

真的，要炒公司鱿鱼，还真的要有足够的底气和骨气。

当然可以选择臭骂…

随兴随想 |系列|

May there be light

This is the third consecutive weekend that I am working overtime.

I am tired of this. Really.

Will next week be the end of this streak?

One can hope.

Other |wretched workaholic| category entries.

Low batt

Tired. Just tired.

Very bad quality of sleep lately.

Is it the mattress? The pillow? Or somehow, the blanket?

Don't know. But the heat wave doesn't help. The recent full moon doesn't help. The stress from workload doesn't help.

Just did three consecutive days of overtime work, including the weekend. In fact, worked hardcore through the weekend from waking up until going to sleep, only significant breaks being the meals.

And still I can't see how I could deliver everything by the end of the week. Stressed.

So, constantly in a low energy, low mood state.

Dry.

Other |sane side| category entries.

生活点滴：阿伯味

今天又去了医院一趟。上星期见肾脏病学医生，这星期见眼科医生。

这篇文章不是要讲那医院没用的预约系统，而是我在医院里等看医生时突然就伤了身体右侧肌肉的事。

因为知道预约的时间是没有意义的，所以我带了本小说去，感觉至少时间不是白白被不能守时的人浪费掉。

然后齁，我就是那样坐着看书的时候，就不明不白地拉伤了身体右侧的肌肉。这是怎么一回事？真的是很扯咯！

看完医生回到家后冲了个凉，敷了肌肉酸痛的药水，然后去吃午餐。

一坐下来，情人老婆仔就笑说：“你越来越有阿 pek 味。”

我也笑着问：“那肌肉酸痛药水或药膏的味道？因为整天这里痛那里痛？”

情人老婆仔就是呵呵的笑。

然后午餐后她又帮我贴上两块药膏…

是啦，我就是老了啦。

生活点滴 |系列|

心的频道：形象

今天在即时通讯五人小群里，猜中了个谐音梗的谜题，所以自我感觉良好，呵呵！

其实是因为不久前看的一出韩国恋爱综艺节目的名字，就是那谜底，而我凑巧还记得那节目的名字。

我如实告诉即时通讯群，结果很意外的有两位朋友很惊讶得知我看恋综。

我这么情感丰富的人看恋爱综艺很奇怪咩？不是理所当然的事吗？

应该是他们其实不是很懂我吧？

真好奇究竟我给他们怎么一种形象的？

心的频道 |系列|

Meaningless system, part five

After one month, another visit to the hospital. Third appointment with the nephrologist.

Arrived around 07:40 hours, for the 08:00 hours blood and urine tests. Very familiar with the process now, so self-registration, guarantee letter verification, then went straight to the lab.

No hospital personnel behind the registration counter and in the lab when I arrived. I just took the number from the machine, it said L001 on the slip. Then I found a corner seat and took out my novel.

Didn't noticed when the hospital personnel arrived at their respective places, next thing I knew was my name being called. So I kept my book and approached the lab. I was indeed the first patient.

The nurse at the lab mentioned it's non-fasting blood sample collection, so the nephrologist nurse pulled my leg as she wrote fasting (blood test) in my appointment card. Oh well.

The lab personnel was still as efficient as the previous visit. So thumbs up for them. I was done with blood and urine sample collection in a jiffy and arrived the nephrology clinic around 08:10 hours.

Just waited a short while for my turn to have my weight and blood pressure taken, then I was free to go until the 10:20 hours consultation. At least that's the time written on the appointment card, but for once the meaningless appointment system was sabotaged by itself, as the automated reminder system told me the actual appointment time: 11:20 hours.

Before I left the nephrology clinic, I double-checked the appointment time with the nurses there, asking if it's 11:20 hours (coincidently I didn't brought the appointment card), which they said yes.

I came home to get some work done before returning to the hospital closer to 11:20 hours, even though I was on half day leave. I returned to the hospital and arrived the nephrology clinic around 11:10 hours, brought along the appointment card this time and handed over to the nurses.

I was called around 11:35 hours, a lot less time wasted waiting this time round, since I didn't fell for the fake 10:20 hours appointment time.

After three consultations with two blood and urine tests, the nephrologist confirmed what's known from the medical check up two months ago: that my kidneys are unhealthy, below the average of people my age. Not sure why but the nephrologist made some educated guesses, he did mentioned those were just his guesses, unless we do more tests to verify, which he doesn't think is necessary.

He also thinks it's not necessary to go on medication, and gave generic advices about exercise, healthy diet, watch the blood pressure, that sort of things. Said we keep monitoring and to go see him again in three months time, with the blood and urine tests.

I noticed this time the nurse wrote non-fasting instead of fasting (blood test) in the appointment card, heh.

Other |runaway rants| category entries.

Haywire view counter

The view counter for this blog has gone haywire. =(

Since early February, the counter started to show lesser number than the day before on several days.

I can totally understand having 0 view, that nobody visited the blog on that day, but negative view count?

We can unsee things now? And the view counter is aware of that?!?!!

So hard to find, reliable stuff.

Other |hyped up heads up| category entries.

开工

昨天开工了。

网上看到的资料说是开工吉日啦，我八字的知识还不足，唯有盲从。

情人老婆仔去年中开始工作了，所以昨天我也给了她个开工红包。

过去几年就只是她给我开工红包，今年我也有得给她了，呵呵！

还是她写的开工吉祥语好，但我给她的开工红包除了吉祥语还加了钱。没什么特别意义，就是想要给她带钱的红包。

希望我们都可以有个工作顺心顺意的一年啦！

随兴随想 |系列|

明天开工了…

两天农历新年公假、三天年假、前尾周末四天，一共九天的假期就这样过去了。

我还因为昨天开的长途车和三晚很差的睡眠累得不行，疲倦不堪呢。

明天就要开工了，不要不要不要！

唉～

放了长假应该是充了电，满血状况复工的嘛，我反而是更糟糕的状况。

真的很「显」咯…

随兴随想 |系列|

新年快乐！

农历新年快乐！Happy Chinese New Year!

贺碧彩妮丝妞伊儿！

兴啊！旺啊！发啊！Heng ah! Ong ah! Huat ah!

愿，人人身心安乐，事事顺心顺意。

随兴随想 |系列|