又怎样？

提早告知无法在预期时间内完成三个同时进行的项目的那第三个项目，需要别人接替，但那又怎样？

结果是老板再空降追加一个十万火急、不切实际的大饼计划。

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提早告知模拟数据内部对比用就好，不要去跟客户对比，因为过往的经验得知客户是绝对不会认同的，但那又怎样？

结果是要我去跟客户分享报告，然后当客户开始排山倒海的反对时，没有一个出声，就是让我把模型改成客户要的那样就是了。

真的又何必呢？嫌我太有空是不是？

又不是没有凭我的模拟数据建出来的真品过，有哪一次那真品跟我的模拟不对应的？那么相信客户的模型和他们的数据，我真的也没差，就用他们的数据不就好了吗？

我无所谓，真的。够忙了，不必要这些徒劳无功的消耗。

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工作累垮了，那又怎样？

打个哈欠、伸个懒腰，然后还不是继续工作…

加时又加时，昨天加时工作到今天凌晨三点。

周末、假期、拿了年假，那又怎么样？

结果一样是在加时工作。

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讲了又讲，需要什么，不需要什么，但那又怎样？

依旧得不到需要的，和承受不需要的。

心语细述 |系列|

FUBAR

So, not only did you not offer help when I raised the bandwidth concern, you now dropped another atomic bomb on top of the burning cesspool!

And claiming you know of my bandwidth situation while doing so.

WTF?!?!

If you want to get rid of me, just come out with it. No need for all these dirty tricks to force me to fail, or force me to quit.

What a pile of crap.

Other |runaway rants| category entries.

Treat...?

Diablo IV season 15 had a failed launch. No other way to put it. They broke the Solo Self Found mode among many other things, and only managed to fix it three days after the launch.

So I only started playing the season yesterday. Yup, three days after the launch. And yes, Solo Self Found mode. Of course.

What I have played so far is good, nostalgic trip down the memory lane. So kudos to that. Real shame about the failed launch though.

There is a first for everything. No, I don't mean Blizzard failed launch, that's definitely not a first, some people never learn. I meant binge buying.

Well, maybe it's not binge buying, but it sure is an impulsive urge to spend money in order to make myself feel better, to comfort myself, to treat myself.

Something that's triggered by the negativity, the stress, the hardship, the unpleasantness, that is overshadowing my life. Not sure for how long still.

I spent money getting some cosmetics for Diablo IV season 15. First time ever, and honestly, hopefully the last time as well.

Do I feel like I have treated myself? Ya...

Do I feel good about it? Not really.

Other |flickering fling| category entries.

Hello cave

I suppose it's inevitable, given the long stretch of lousy, shitty days.

Still, the low energy state will make life even harder.

I am over-stressed as it is, this is going to suck. Big time.

Another depression bout has landed.

Hello cave.

Other |hyped up heads up| category entries.

7 hours 7 minutes

Public holiday today, happy 63rd Malaysia Day!

Worked overtime for a total of 7 hours and 7 minutes, so basically it's another working day instead of a holiday to me.

Bollocks to this!

Not a happy bunny. Not at all.

Other |wretched workaholic| category entries.

Seriously

For the love of all things holy and unholy, honestly, at this point, I do not care, enough with the crap!

Come on, give me a break already.

Enough is enough.

Other |runaway rants| category entries.

1.5 hours

"High confidence on delivery of thermal simulation results next Thursday."

Why oh why did I said that last week?

Probably because I honestly thought I could do it. But life has other idea.

Or I simply am not as efficient or as capable as I thought.

Sigh...

So it's Thursday today, the results delivery day. And nope, I did not delivered. Failed.

Goodness knows I tried. Oh boy how I tried.

Based on my record, the latest overtime streak started on 19th of August. A two days break without working overtime on 23rd and 24th August, then another day on 28th August. Thirteen days of continuous working overtime since 29th of August.

The operative word is 'overtime', everything after the normal working hours, in weekend, public holiday, and sadly even annual leave.

So on 2nd of September, last Wednesday, when I had one week till delivery date, I worked overtime until 21:50 hours. On 3rd of September, I worked until 22:50 hours. 22:41 hours on 4th, then a heavenly 17:31 hours on 5th, until you realised it's a Saturday...

Unease set in when progress was slower than expected on Sunday the 6th, so I worked overtime until 23:11 hours. The stress started to build up, so it's 00:00 midnight on the dot on 7th, then 01:06 hours on 8th of September, Tuesday.

By Wednesday 9th of September, stress is through the roof and on the verge of a panic breakdown. I had to get the model done and set it to solve overnight, for results on Thursday.

So when I resumed work after dinner, at 20:54 hours, I thought to myself, I would probably only be able to go to bed at 04:00 hours. Again, I overestimated my capability and efficiency.

I resumed work on 20:54 hours on Wednesday, I clocked out at 08:12 hours on Thursday. Within that period of time I had a shower, a few bio breaks, and worked. I worked through the night.

Not conducive to my health and wellbeing. I am too old for this kind of shit.

Darn the sense of responsibility, and the crushing stress.

I set the alarm for a three hours rest, thinking to resume work, or start a "new day" work, however you want to see it, around 11:00 hours, and finally hit the bed.

I got out of bed and resumed work at 09:47 hours, after about 1.5 hours of shut eyes. Not sure if that was sleep, rest, or whatever. I got 1.5 hours of shut eyes, is all.

And yes, I worked overtime after dinner today as well, from 20:09 hours to 21:31 hours, and finally called it a day.

I am beyond knackered.

Can't do this anymore, maybe I am no longer suitable for this job?

Other |wretched workaholic| category entries.