23 April 2026

有感而发:缺


感觉很缺。

缺动力、缺进度。这整个星期都不知道完成了什么?

处处不顺、徒劳无功。总有琐琐碎碎的杂活、那些被点去做的苦差、突然空降无头无尾令人摸不着头脑的悬任务、一堆费时费事但又没有什么报告价值的零碎工作。

缺抱、缺爱。情人老婆仔不在,我空虚、寂寞、冷。「蓝瘦,香菇」。=(

希望她玩得开心,期待她的归来。

缺时间。明天就星期五了,我都没有东西交差,唉…

又,〈黑暗破坏神IV〉第十二季马上就要结束了,我还好多任务没完成嘞!

忙到根本都没什么时间玩,看来这一季是废了,完成不了任务了,唉…

如果不缺钱该有多好,马上就辞工享受人生!



有感而发 |系列|


19 April 2026

Small win


Didn't work overtime this weekend.

Broke the streak. Win!

Gotta celebrate these small wins.

Could well be all I am going to get.



Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.


18 April 2026

Blood


Repeat and repeat, the plea for care and concern, and see them ignored and made nothing of.

Acknowledged by answering myself to console myself that yes, at least I heard myself if nobody else does.

A simple "oh" to myself, an act of giving up really, but somehow it would trigger the common courtesy of acknowledgement. Too late, the damage is done.

The "I don't know what to say" just reinforced how unimportant it is. Courtesy aside, if there were any trace of care or concern, there would be plenty to say and do.

The message is clear. So I stopped bothering.

Day after day, head foggy and heavy, often ache. Discomfort and pain on various part of the body, constant irritation. Sick and illness comes and goes. I could only trudge on, on my own.

I could drop dead and nobody in the house would realise for many hours, absolutely no chance of discovery within the golden period where I could still be saved.

That's just how it is.

The cold and running nose flared up again yesterday, so I was in even worse condition than I already was for many days. And dad noticed. He asked after me. He offered to drive me to the clinic. Care and concern, from blood.



Other |sane side| category entries.


14 April 2026

So be it


Just want to put in record that today is the day I decided that, after the stock at home runs out, which is pretty soon, that I no longer want to have Coke at home.

Also, I no longer want to have potato chips as supper.

Don't get me wrong, I will still drink Coke and I will still eat chips, it's just that I no longer want to have Coke readily available at home, and I want to eat something healthier (hopefully) as supper.

Because my health is a mess now and I am in constant discomfort in a daily basis. I would like to live to 50. Nobody cares so it's up to myself.

It's a thought at the moment, and soon when the stock of Coke runs out, it will commence in earnest.

How long will I last? I honestly have no idea.

I can but try.



Other |flickering fling| category entries.


13 April 2026

Three days long weekend


Took today, Monday, off to make a three days long weekend.

I desperately needed a break.

But I didn't get one.

Worked overtime on all three days, including a 02:42 to 04:51 hours bout.

Because that's when the simulations completed, and if I didn't post-process them and set subsequent cases to run, I would lose simulation time where the server and the workstation just sat idle.

And I couldn't sleep anyway.

Health is a total mess now. Constant headache. Horrible quality of sleep. Regular eye pain. Worst ever hemorrhoids. Emotionally deprived. Drained.

Besides sleep deprivation, I have been in constant ache and discomfort for days now. Could really use a lot of tender loving care.

Took annual leave to rest and relax, to release some stress. Got neither.

Only worse.

Absolute mess.



Other |runaway rants| category entries.


10 April 2026

累·无奈


累。真的好累。

很想过个什么都不做,就只是休息的周末。真的很想。

拿了下星期一的假,虽然有这个月不拿假就要作废了的缘故,但更因为是累。

假是拿了,但已经知道今天晚餐后依然是要工作,而且很大可能三天长周末也是。

希望不需要三天都要加时工作啦…

我真的好累。

好无奈。



心语细述 |系列|


07 April 2026

命贱莫思闲


三月过了,今年已经过了四分之一。

上星期整理了今年至今的加时工作记录,暂时还不错,如果继续这三个月的趋势,今年有望达到加时工作少过一百天的目标。

劳碌命的人,真的不可以这样遐想…

就因为有了那想法,马上就需要连续加时工作了三天。两天周末,和昨天做到近凌晨两点钟那种。

我知错了!求求不用再证明些什么了。

命贱的人,想都不要想。真的。



心语细述 |系列|