Insecurity

My work involves working with customer to design their system to the best possible within their constraints.

So when I am not assigned to any project that works with the customer, but only assigned to internal projects, naturally I have some misgivings.

Truth is I feel a lot more comfortable not working with customer, because of my introvert and antisocial personality.

But I am not paid a salary to be comfortable, and the team charter is to work with the customer.

So there is sense of unease and insecurity.

Is this the sign of being next in line for the chopping board? That I am going to get axed soon?

Time will tell, and for the time being all I can do is worry myself senselessly.

The anxiety is real.

Other |sane side| category entries.

心的频道：老古董

我有同性恋的朋友，算是谈得来的。也有同性恋的亲人，很亲的那种。

我觉得有点奇怪的是，都是男的。我没有女同性恋的朋友。

没有刻意去交同性恋的朋友啦，毕竟我对社交越来越没有兴趣好多年了。应该超过十五年了吧？

人类很累人的！是的，我是反社会人格。

因为有同性恋的朋友和亲人，所以我认为我自己对同性恋是接受认可的。就是那些人的性取向嘛，我没有那样的性取向，但我也可以接受别人有那样的性取向的。我是那样认为啦…

昨天刚看最新一集泰国版的〈跑男〉，这一集是伴侣游戏，但只有一位女出演者，所以有很多对男男伴侣组合。

泰国应该是一个同性恋已经被普遍接受的国家，而我这在一个有很多无厘头约束的回教国家生活的人，还真的看那一集泰国版的〈跑男〉看到扑面的文化冲击。

每每原版韩国〈跑男〉有伴侣游戏时，男男伴侣组合是大家都抗拒厌烦的，男出演者总会想尽办法赢得女出演者的青睐来凑成男女组合。男男伴侣组合的其中一位需要男扮女装，而且都是走搞笑路线的，毕竟是小孩也合适的综艺节目嘛。

所以当连续两位泰国版的〈跑男〉男出演者把唯一的女出演者推开来凑成男男伴侣组合时，我真的是看了个傻眼。

然后就是游戏中那些很真挚的亲昵举动，明明如果是男女伴侣做的话，我会会心微笑那种，但是男男伴侣做时，我看了是觉得怪怪的。有点不舒服的感觉。

也许我不是自己想象中那么思想开通的…

我是可以接受同性恋这事，但可以的话不想要看到男男亲昵的举动的老古董。

心的频道 |系列|

Potato mode on!

Replacement holidays next Monday and Tuesday, so it's a four days long weekend, woohoo!

Granted, I just finished my overtime work not long ago but at least I still have 3.5 days long weekend.

Cheap labour should not complaint.

Here's hoping I can truly rest and relax for the rest of the 3.5 off days. Goodness knows I need it. Desperately.

So heads up, potato mode is on! Don't contact me for work related stuff, bad karma and shittiest luck for the remaining of the year to whoever that does.

Other |hyped up heads up| category entries.

Random thoughts

Just gotta be ambiguous despite the advance in astronomy so we can play hit and miss with public holiday and replacement holiday. A good way to mess up plan.

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Somehow they have predetermined some desired results before there is any data, so when actual data showed not meeting the desired results, it's crunch time for me to come up with some way to get that desired results. Fun time.

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So, who's bullying you? Or what's bothering you? Perhaps the concern is unwanted.

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Running Man Thailand is bringing back many fond memories of the original (Korean) Running Man, those early days.

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Super unfit. Quality of sleep all time low.

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Spider-Man: Brand New Day coming on 31st of July 2026, woot!

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

炒与被炒

几个月前辞职的旧同事朋友，今天告诉我一些有关炒公司鱿鱼，和被公司炒鱿鱼的差别。

说清楚点是自己丢信辞职，和被公司裁员的一些差别。

先说自己其实一直都有那帅气的丢信，加一句 “See you, suckers!”，然后拍屁股走人的幻想。炒公司鱿鱼，嘢！

至今那都还只是幻想，因为我既不帅气，也没有骨气。但有时这样想想，才会心里平衡点、好过点。

旧同事朋友说，自己辞职，就拿不到年尾花红；而那些被裁员，拿遣散配套的，就能够按工作月份比列拿到年尾花红。

真的有够抠。

还有就是还在职时帮公司做出来的专利，应该给的奖励金，也因为奖励金不是及时发放而是拖了几个月到他辞职后才发放，就没给了。有没有搞错？专利上可是写着他的名字的哦！

真的，要炒公司鱿鱼，还真的要有足够的底气和骨气。

当然可以选择臭骂…

随兴随想 |系列|

May there be light

This is the third consecutive weekend that I am working overtime.

I am tired of this. Really.

Will next week be the end of this streak?

One can hope.

Other |wretched workaholic| category entries.

Low batt

Tired. Just tired.

Very bad quality of sleep lately.

Is it the mattress? The pillow? Or somehow, the blanket?

Don't know. But the heat wave doesn't help. The recent full moon doesn't help. The stress from workload doesn't help.

Just did three consecutive days of overtime work, including the weekend. In fact, worked hardcore through the weekend from waking up until going to sleep, only significant breaks being the meals.

And still I can't see how I could deliver everything by the end of the week. Stressed.

So, constantly in a low energy, low mood state.

Dry.

Other |sane side| category entries.