Status update: Operation Sparrow Nest

(this is an inside joke, don't beat yourself if you don't understand, I don't understand most of what I wrote most of the time too!)

Mission accomplished: Sparrow nest successfully relocated to China-man’s. Sorry China-man, will try to reconstruct your nest before you return, but no promise.
No photographic tool available at time of completion, requesting early bird to intercept and obtain photographic proof.

Status history (best estimate of timing):
17:30 hours – Mastermind aborted mission. Sillyman decided to wait and see.
18:00 hours – Sparrow not sighted but vehicle and laptop remained. Dungeon Master reported that Sparrow not sighted within dungeon.
18:15 hours – Sillyman entered IM stealth mode, kept up communication with Dungeon Master. Situation didn’t look good.
18:45 hours – Dungeon Master reported sighting of Sparrow leaving the dungeon. Sparrow had eluded Dungeon Master till that moment!
19:00 hours – IM status showed Sparrow left her nest.
19:10 hours – Sillyman confirmed Sparrow had flown as vehicle gone. Go go go! Dungeon Master required 15 minutes lag time, Sillyman went in solo.
19:15 hours – Received unexpected temporary help from A.D. Programme Master, thanks!
19:30 hours – Dungeon Master arrived.
19:45 hours – Sparrow nest was relocated to cool and fun side of the building *ehem*.
19:55 hours – Put up notices as finishing touch. Mission accomplished.
20:00 hours – Dungeon Master and Sillyman disengaged and disappeared.

Notes to Sparrow:
If you have early meeting tomorrow, do arrive earlier.
Cake baked, no tiny hand/foot prints, sorry!
I deny all charges and will use the insanity plea if necessary. =P

Note to others:
Do give Sparrow a hand in backward relocation if Sparrow decides to leave the “cool & fun” side of the building. =)


p/s: this is so going to be on the blog!



- I am not CK

Harly Potter and the Heart-shaped Stone (4)

"What?!?! Noooooo!" Harly was shocked.

"What what?" enquired Hagrid, "no body said nothin' yet."

"He's always hearing things, he is a bit unstable, you know, screwed up in the head. So don't listen to him, especially if he said anything to do with me and lingerie," Vernon said hastily.

Vernon was glad to have found something to discredit Harly, he was afraid that Harly might know about his special interest in lingerie, and he sure didn't want Hagrid to find out about it.

"But... but... you said you are my father," Harly stammered.

"Geez boy, yeh sure are hearin' things," said Hagrid, "I ain't yer father boy, doncha know yer father was James Potter? And yer mom Lily Potter? I was 'bout ter tell yeh that yer a wizard!"

"Okaaaaay... is this where I should be real shocked and surprised and you will show me where the hidden cameras are?"

"Huh? I am dead serious Harly, yer a wizard."

"Yea right, and the next prime minister of Malaysia is a Chinese and Dolly is a hot chic," Harly said sarcastically.

Seeing that Harly was otherwise distracted so his secret was safe, Vernon went over to Dorly and tried in vain to lift the unconscious meat ball from the floor. He gave up the futile attempt and dragged Dorly by the feet towards the stairs, intended to get his daughter upstairs and away before returning to get rid of the giant, and perhaps Harly too for good measure.

"Fine, not a wizard eh? Never made things happen when yer scared or angry?" Hagrid asked.

"Well... when Dorly tried to grab my buttocks in the zoo last month, she suddenly ended up in the monkey cage, was that my doing? And I never did understand how I could fit the 48" LCD television and surround sound home theatre system in the cupboard. Oh, and I have infravision, I saw the body heat pattern showing Uncle Vernon wearing a bra when the lights went off earlier. Wish I didn't see that, I am going to have nightmares -"

*Thud* Vernon turned purple in rage and dropped Dorly.

"WHY YOU LITTLE BASTA-" Vernon reached for Harly neck, intended to choke him like Homer Simpson does Bart.

Before Vernon could get hold of Harly though, Hagrid pulled out his pink umbrella and there was a flash of violet light followed by a loud *BANG*

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(to be continued...)

US Trip

Went to the United States of America for a business trip, it's the first time I set foot in that country.

Longer flight time than going to England, I couldn't feel my bum when I finally landed at Los Angeles. The connecting flight to Arizona was nothing after the butt-numbing back-breaking (nothing to do with Brokeback Mountain) direct flight from Singapore to Los Angeles.


A380 spotted while in transit Changi Airport

Arrived Sky Habour Airport, Phoenix fairly late at night, went over to the rental car building and picked up my car. The young chap that served me on that night probably have a side job that charges for every word he says, for I had to ask for all the information I honestly think should be given readily, like where to get the car, where is the car key, et cetera.


The car I drove while in Arizona

With the help of the GPS, I drove to my hotel without a hitch. Driving on the left side of the car and right side of the road didn't post any problem, it's changing transmission with the right hand that needed some getting used to.

After all I am a decent and disciplined driver, I use my indication lights, stay within my lane and I don't drive 40km/h on the fast lane of a 80km/h road. *Ehem*.

Arrived hotel near midnight, after checking in I went out to look for food, for I need supper before I sleep. Having found nothing nearby the hotel, I bought some pot noodles from the hotel store and settled in for the night


Snacks! I need a full tummy to sleep

Spent the first two days (the weekend) in Arizona mostly in my hotel room, since old people take longer to get over jet lag I slept in the daytime and when I was fresh enough to head out, it's already dark and I felt like staying in again. Alone in a foreign place, I simply wasn't in an adventurous mood.

Thank goodness for Redbull (I don't drink coffee), else I would not be able to stay awake in the daytime in the following days.


The sleek Redbull can, unlike the fugly Malaysia version

The next two days were working days so bo huat had to work I went about meeting colleagues, putting faces to names, built up my network, and felt insignificant with my oh so limited working experience compared to them.

I left Arizona after that, so basically I didn't visit anywhere while there. A shame really, for the weather was pleasent at Arizona that time of the year. All I can tell you about Arizona is Hawthorn Suites hotel serves decent breakfast.

Sad. Oh well, perhaps next time.


The car I drove while in Oregon

Went to Oregon next, Oregon's weather at that time was similar to late autumn in Nottingham. Gloomy sky, persistent rain, chilly, wet.

Got a nicer looking car that burns petrol like no tomorrow and stayed in Larkspur Landing hotel, which has fantastic bed but lousy breakfast. I guess the bed is to compensate for the breakfast, since if one overslept one would not have time for breakfast, hehehe.


Comfy bed

It was more happening at Oregon since colleagues from the same group were there as well. They know their way in Oregon and I ngeh si followed them got to hang around them. At least I didn't have to dine alone anymore.


LL and SC made my stay at Oregon more pleasent. Thanks ladies!

We had quite a few meals together and we celebrated SC's birthday in advance.


Photographic proof that SC had a happy birthday celebration!

We went out together on Saturday after snaking the weekdays off. A quick drive through at McDonald's for SC's breakfast, the following conversation happened.

LL: "Stop CK, I want to take a photo of the waitress"
CK: "Huh? Okay..."
LL: "Want to take pretty girl pictures for my boyfriend lar"
CK: "For your boyfriend mar just take photos of yourself can liao lor"
LL: "Myself no need picture one, he can touch, hug..."
CK: "Stop stop! I don't want to know the details!"
LL: "kekekeke"
SC: "LL really hiao"

I have to agree with SC after LL told me my rented car was a "male" car and LL electrostatically shocked it not once but twice. Car you also want, ai meh?


McDonald's waitresses

Our initial plan was to go to the Silver Falls and then hit the shopping centre on our way home, but it rained heavily on our way towards the waterfall so we went shopping first instead.


LL and Shrek

After the time for shopping, lunch, photo stops, SC (the guide) falling asleep en route and we had to double back, it was already late afternoon by the time we reached the South Fall of Silver Falls. We grabbed some photos and it went dark soon after. Shame really, it was a nice place and I would love to spend a bit more time there.


One of the scenery spots en route Silver Falls

We went to a huge electric appliances shop on our way back and had dinner together before we called it a day. That concluded my US trip as well for I left the next day.


South Fall of Silver Falls

At the time of writing, SC is holding hostage the South Fall photos with me in them, I will have to find a way to free the photos. Will someone please think of the photos?

---

- Epilogue -

Initially the following were written preceeding the contents, but it kind of set a wrong tone to the entry so I moved it to the end instead. It's after all just my own perception of The States.

Born in Malaysia and being subjected to the British system all these years, Unites States to me is a country with funny spellings, wrong-way-round date system, and one that likes to change the title of books, cameras, et cetera (uu nia bo?), among other things.

The ease of obtaining firearm and the frequent deranged gunshot murder news have been putting me off, and the blatant disregard of the United Nations decision on Iraq war didn't help endearing me to the country either. Truth to be told, if it wasn't for business need, I probably wouldn't set foot in the country for a long while still.

I have been to countries and places, but before I left for this trip, I wrote my first ever will.

Yes really.

---

- Manglish translator -

bo huat = [Hokkien] no choice
ngeh si = [Hokkien] forcefully, uninvited
hiao = [Hokkien] flirtatious
ai meh? = [Hokkien] really want to? really have to?
uu nia bo? = [Hokkien] is it true?

In Transit

Back at Changi Airport, in transit to Penang on my return trip from The States.

Last I was here I was energetic and a tad creative, started on my way to be a billionaire.

(Yes I am still dreaming.)

This time I am knacked, exhausted, zombie state.

A delayed flight from Oregon to Los Angeles caused me to missed my LA to Singapore direct flight, I got on a later flight by standing-by. Else I would have had to stay a night in LA.

The flight I got on was not a direct flight, it's the smaller 777 instead of the A340. It stopped at Taipei for an hour before flying to Singapore, breaking the 18.5 hours flight into 14.5 and 4.5.

Since I got on the flight due to the grace of some passenger not turning up (probably because of delayed flight I bet), I had a terrible seat, right at the end of the airplane and a centre seat instead of my usual aisle seat.

A young chap on my right, while definately not slim, was not particularly fat. He sure acted as if he needed the space for two though, kept on elbowing me whenever he moved his left arm.

Geez, people were trying to sleep here, no touchy touchy please.

While he did apologise (once), he kept on doing it. Bummer. Oh well, I guess there are clumsy people in the world.

Anyway, not all is bad, I missed a flight but I made a friend with a guy in identical situation, who being a member of the frequent flyer club, invited me into the lounge while we stood-by for the later flight.

I left LA on Sunday, I arrived Singapore on Tuesday, mo la la two days gone thanks to long flight hours and crossing multiple time zones.

I felt cheated. =(

(didn't manage to complete the blog before I had to board the flight, so blog was posted after I left Changi)

Harly Potter and the Heart-shaped Stone (3)

At that exact moment all the lights in the house went out. The street lights silhouetted a gaint of a man standing in front of the door, his head well above the door frame.

Within the pitch black house a few things happened.

The man in front of the door said "Oops!"

Aunt Pertunia upstairs said "Oopsy daisy!"

Uncle Vernon squeaked like a girl.

Dorly squeaked like a boy and fainted.

Harly gasped with a sharp intake of breath.

"Who are you and what do you want? I don't know anything about all the stolen lingerie in the underground room within my garage!" Uncle Vernon said nervously.

"What?!?!" Exclaimed Harly and the man at the door.

"Hagrid's the name and I am here fer Harly. Why dontcha turn on the light so we can see bett'r?" Said the man at the door.

"You are the one who made the lights went out, why are you asking me to fix it?" Retorted Vernon.

"Verny dear? Could you go flip on the main switch please for I dropped my hair dryer in the bath tub and it must have blown the fuse." Pertunia shouted from upstairs.

"Oh..." Sheepishly Vernon went about to restore electricity to the house and soon it was well lit again.

"Sorry 'bout the door, guess I mightta knocked a tad too heavily, but no worries, let me fix it real quick." Stepping into the house Hagrid pulled out a pink umbrella from his overcoat. He waved the umbrella at the door and mumbled something under his breath, the door flew back to the frame and repaired itself.

"How dare you!" Vernon turned purple with anger, pointing a finger at Hagrid.

"What's the matt'r? It's just a simple bit of magic." Said Hagrid.

"Simple magic eh? Pff! You repaired the door the wrong way round! Yelled Vernon.

"Opps! Never been the same since they snapped me wand in half. Hey Harly, why are yer so pale and wide eye?"

"I... I... saw something I wish I hadn't." Harly replied with a disgusted look.

"What? The magic? But surely yer are used to it by now Harly? Did they not tell yer?

"I forbid you to say anymore!" Yelled Vernon, facing Harly.

"Yer didn't tell Harly? All these years? Harly doesn't know?"

"You don't understand, I am protecting my family. Harly, you are not to say anything to this man, nor listen to him."

"The hell with yer! I can't believe yer didn't tell Harly about the truth all these years." Hagrid was angry. "Listen to me carefully Harly, yer need to know this."

A pause.

"Harly, I am yer father!"

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(to be continued...)

First step of a phone call

I asked colleagues through instant messaging on how to call into a Penang meeting from my hotel room in The States, here's a short part of the transcript.

"So, how do I call into a meeting in Penang from my hotel room huh? Please treat me as a noob and list step by step."

"First, you pick up the phone. Okay, I provided the first step liao, you all can continue."

"hahahaha!"

Harly Potter and the Heart-shaped Stone (2)

Poor Harly had to steal food at night since his aunty Petunia and uncle Vernon treated him very badly, often giving Harly's share to his cousin Dorly Dursley instead. Dorly was the typical spoiled daughter who always get things her way, she had a stomach with incredible capacity, almost like a black hole really.

Dorly was almost the same side-wise and height-wise, like a meat ball, only instead of "yummy" she was "eeewwwy". With triple the size (side-wise) of Harly's and towering Harly a good deal, Dorly liked to push Harly around and generally made Harly's life miserable.

But things were about to change for Harly, I think...

It's the evening on the eve of Harly's 11th birthday, the Dursleys had had a good dinner eating a tonne of pies, they even let Harly had one. After washing up the dishes, Harly was bullied into playing Barbie doll with Dorly, initially Harly refused but Dorly simply sat on him, nearly suffocating him.

"Do you like me, Ken?" Dorly would ask holding her Barbie doll.

"Yea, whatever." Harly had to give a confimative answer with Ken in hand else he would get sat on again.

Dorly would giggle like a silly girl for a while and then she would go,

"Do you like me, Ken?"

"Bloody hell you are 11 Dorly! Can't you just gro..."

*splat*

*sigh* "Okay, Ken likes Barbie veli the much, now get off me!"

Dorly would repeat this again and again until she was sleepy or something else attarcted her attention, like pie. Unfortunately no pie or any food was in sight that evening, so Harly had to suffer for hours hoping Dorly would be sleepy soon.

Then just after the clock ticked midnight, there came a loud knocking on the door which started uncle Vernon from his dozing in front of the television.

"Who is it this late in the day? You better have a good reason (like you have pie to give me) for this!"

*knock knock KNOCK*

Suddenly with a boom the door collasped and crashed to the floor.

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(to be continued)

Harly Potter and the Heart-shaped Stone (1)

J.K Rowling created Harry Potter on a train journey. I am now in Changi Airport waiting for my flight to The States, in transit waiting time is ever so boring so I am trying to come out with a story that will make me a billionaire.

One can dream, right?

If you haven't heard of Harry Potter, then I gotta ask:

"Seriously, where on earth have you been these few years?"

If you have seen the movies but not the story books, then I urge you to read the story books since the movies are crap nothing like the story books. The first two books are especially nice and easy read, it turned a bit dark and sinister from the third book onwards. I suppose that's when Rowling realised her books appeal not only to the children but the adults too, and writing to cater for the adults makes a lot of sense since they are the ones with the cash and credit cards. Cha-ching!

Anyway, since I am not J.K. Rowling nor am I very imaginative, I am going to blatantly plagiarize her work and pray really hard that she won't sue me for intellectual property infringement since I am poor and have to feed a family of three.

Come on lar, this is just all in jest nia, pretty pretty please with sugar on top?

Okay, here goes nothing...

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So hor, there was this boy with a scar on his forehead named Harly Potter who lived with his aunty and uncle in a ulu place somewhere in England. You can call him Harly, Arly, Harry, Oi, but not Hairy, since that's the name of his pet spider.

You see leh, Harly slept in the cupboard under the stairs one, so he has many spider friends lor. Among all the spiders that reside with him in the cupboard, Harly liked Hairy the most, much to the jealousy of Spidy, Icky, Furry, Leggy, Sticky, Webby, MoMo and Whatsupwiththenames-y. Spidy is particularly jaded so it refused to infuse Harly with super power despite biting Harly on many occasions.

Since Harly slept in such a confined space, made worse by the 48" LCD television and surround sound home theatre system, he is skinny and short. Oh, he also developed a much sensitive eye sight with partial infravision, a limited ability to detect body heat in the dark, which he put to good use when sneaking out of his cupboard at night to steal food from the fridge.

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(Hmm... talking about food, I should really go grab my lunch now.)

to be continued...

Birthday Present

My generous colleagues gave me a nicely wrapped car for my birthday, how very nice of them. A silver MyVi with the number plate PHG62... wait a minute

My mischievous colleagues gave my car a wrap for my birthday, wah lau eh!



This lady is probably next on the "hit list"!

Guess what goes around comes around, being involved in planning and executing the cubicle wrapping and car wrapping of my colleagues must have pushed me up the "hit list", heh.





The wrappers extraordinaire

I am sure it's because they hate me all in the name of good fun, gotta keep the custom alive!



No wrapping is complete without a ribbon

Truth is, I kind of anticipated the prank and intentionally parked my car at a different car park but the ruse didn't work, I have underestimated my colleagues' hatred determination and resoluteness.



And no prank is complete without photographic proof

Located my car they did, and wrapped they did, in mucho style too!



It's all about team work

Have to give them credit for the impressive wrapping, they wrapped the whole car with ribbon on top in 30 minutes!



That's a MyVi, really it is

Hats off to the wrappers extraordinaire, you have just raised the bar for car wrapping, hahahaa!

Problem was, soon after they were done wrapping, it rained. Heavily.





Rain ruined the handiwork

While we use old newspaper to soak up the occasional spills, when the heaven opens up like it did on that day, we would need a seriously gigantic number of newspapers to soak up the moisture!



Still, thumbs up for the effort, I am truely impressed

The downpour destroyed part of pranksters' handiwork, a shame really, I think they did a great job and would love to see the work in all its glory, dry and intact.



Colleagues who kindly helped me to get rid of the mess

Not only did the downpour destroyed some of the wrapping, it turned those newspapers that held on into soggy mess. And good grief, soggy newspaper is a nightmare to remove! Running inks and torn off bits and pieces sticking everywhere.









The aftermath

Not nice. =(

Anyway, if you required the service of the wrappers extraordinaire, please call 1800-rappingwrappers, satisfaction guarantee or they wrap your car with you in it for free!

Idiot driver

Idiot driver who couldn't keep to his/her own lane hit my side mirror with his/hers. My side mirror doesn't know nor like your side mirror, okay? No molestation please!

A brain dead driver of a black MyVi, who despite being early morning with no other vehicle on his/her side of the road, just had to drive with a third of his/her car on the other side of the road.

Keep to your own lane you moron!

My side mirror cover is cracked, the indication light cracked too, and worst of all is that the mechanism that holds the side mirror was damaged, the mirror is now wobbly when the vehicle is in motion.

Bollocks.

New kid on the blog

On a whim I created an account on blogspot, jumping on the blogging band wagon. Blog, according to Wikipedia, is the fusion of web log.

New kid on the blog, only this "new kid" is 30 years old on the dot and has been maintaining a hand coded website since sometime around June 2002, using no fancy editor but the trusty Notepad. As for blogging, well, I have been sharing my write-ups since 2002 on the net, the term "blog" was still largely unknown back then.

My website is working perfectly fine, I just felt like doing something impulsive when I turned 30, and I happened to be reading a blog when the clock ticked midnight. So... the rest is history.

I am still feeling out the Blogger, see if there is any chemistry. While I do just fine with the trusty Notepad coupled with copious use of ctrl+c and ctrl+v, I am getting lazier busier, so a tool that simplifies the writing to posting process is a great boon.

Coding html, while easy and straight forward, takes time. I enjoy the writing and the sharing, the coding however, is just a necessity to publish my write-ups on the net to torture readers and make their eyes bleed share with whoever stumbled upon my site.

Let's see how it goes.