10 July 2019

Sucker!


Work/life balance in this new department is a joke.

At least for me.

Told myself enough is enough, that I cannot keep using my personal time to work because of unrealistic workload, that it will only make the others think I can still handle the workload and continue to pile it on.

So I stopped staying in the office to work when it's time to go home, and stopped going in to work in the weekend.

But being the sucker that I am, I remotely connect to my workstation to work from home after working hours instead.

Every freaking day, including weekend.

I am such a sucker, I am totally ashamed of myself.

Really have to just fish and duck it and let go.



Other |runaway rants| category entries.


07 July 2019

Dark thoughts


Wrote a sane but heavy entry on my current emotional and psychological state, while brutally real, I don't think posting it would do any good, so I withheld and archived it.

It's a cruel world we live in, what's real and true matters not.

Wanted to write something else, started on another weekend project entry about PC clean up and toilet repair, but ended up writing about all these instead, guess I just couldn't get out of that state.

So be it.

Hopefully this will end up being a much lighter version of what I archived.


My emotional and psychological health is at a very bad place nowadays. I no longer see the use in reaching out because it does nothing, if it would help, it would already happened.

It's not like it's something new, I have been calling out often enough, only to deaf ears and been summarily ignored. Rinse and repeat.

My needs don't matter after all. Actually, could simply because I don't matter.

Oaths and promises have no meaning, no value, people just changed, like it or not.

What was doesn't matter, people don't stay true or consistent. Sad but true.

I suddenly can comprehend and understand why certain things could happen.

When basic wants and needs are continually sidelined and neglected, people either suffer in silence and solitude, or they seek alternative to survive, or to end it.

It could just be a matter of when it reaches the breaking point.

And it makes sense that people have different latitudes and tolerance levels before we break.

Some will break sooner, some later, some might never break but just go on living a sad and unfulfilled life.

Right?



Other |sane side| category entries.

  

04 July 2019

Bad place


Headache in the evening is pretty much a daily thing nowadays.

The poor quality of sleep, coupled with the insane workload.

That sense of "army of one", and not just in regards to work.

And my lousy stress management I suppose.


Physical health has been sliding, feel so unfit.

Mental and psychological health is definitely in a bad place now.

Reached out, but there is nothing to grip, no reciprocation.

Solitude has its price.

Guess I can only go deeper into my cave.



Other |sane side| category entries.


30 June 2019

Weekend project: chair repair


Ever since I changed department, I no longer have my regular twice weekly badminton sessions.

I got progressively unfit until my chair couldn't stand my weight any more and gave up on me.

At least that's what I think happened to my chair...

chair couldn't take my weight no more!

Anyway, I couldn't stand my own state of unfitness as well, so I started to set myself some resolutions, hopefully to get myself back into shape.

As in, that good old flat rectangular shape instead of the rectangular with a lumpy spare tyre shape. =P


When I do my after dinner walks around my condominium compound, I passed by the area where the residents disposed of their unwanted furniture.

I have been keeping an eye out for a suitable chair seat replacement, which I finally spotted one yesterday.

reusing the parts except the seat, which I found a solid wood replacement

So, today I got busy repairing my broken chair. =)

Took me a couple of hours and some extra efforts due to bad planning and additional idea.

I cracked that good, I am heavyweight! =P

Didn't plan to reuse the cushion initially, was just going to buy some cushion to put on top of the seat.

But then why not? So ended up cutting open the old seat to get the sponge inside, and wifey put it inside an old t-shirt and tada! New cushion for my repaired seat.

homemade cushion

After a lot of sweat and elbow grease, got myself a backache and a fixed chair.

done!

Satisfied with my work, but I told wifey that if this one breaks, I am going to throw it away and get a new one instead of repairing.



Other |flickering fling| category entries.

  

28 June 2019

质疑人生


忙了好久好久的感觉。

上个周五过了个比较闲懒的工作日,其实也不过是午餐久了点,和五点后没有再加班而已啦…

这个星期就每天早上七点做到晚上十一点多十二点。

加上那深埋的忧郁症,一直隐隐消耗我已不足的能量。

唉,除了累还是累。

真的,没能有泪,就只有累。

身、心、思。

一切。


我甚至开始质疑我的人生。

这样日复一日从早忙到晚的生活,到底有什么意义?

这么累,究竟是为了什么?

为了什么?

我只能深深的叹气…


不知道为何,脑中想起「梦醒时分」的那一段歌词。

“你说你感到万分沮丧,甚至开始怀疑人生”

其实,就只是那一句,那首歌根本就不是我现今的意境。

怎么都好,今晚,我叛逆。

今晚,我不加工!



随兴随想 |系列|


24 June 2019

Favourite girl


This entry was drafted many years ago, 26th of March 2015 to be exact. Time for it to see the light.


Probably doesn't put myself in a good light saying the following since my previous entry (in Mandarin) was about finding my favourite girl...

...but I have found another favourite girl!

This one is super adorable and brings me much joy and laughter. Definitely my favourite girl trumping the previous one. ^_^

My lovely three years old niece, such a cutie.



Other |hyped up heads up| category entries.


22 June 2019

Digi prepaid credit losing


If you were like me...

...who doesn't live by being glued to the mobile phone with internet access all day long;

...who doesn't need a data plan because not connected to the net while driving, eating, or meeting friends et cetera is of no concern;

...who can handle any waiting time without relying on a mobile phone, a not so ergonomic form factor device;

...who simply doesn't need to be connected to the internet when out and about really;

...who is either a caveman or an elite, a smart or crazy person depending on perspective.


Or simply if you are using Digi prepaid without any data plan, here's a public service to raise awareness based on my own experience.

A few days ago, I noticed I was losing my prepaid credit even though I didn't made calls or sent SMS, so I started tracking it, gather data and making screenshots of my call, SMS, and mobile data usage logs.

When I have enough proofs that something fishy was going on, that I was losing RM0.50 daily with no call, no SMS, and as default with my mobile data, GPS and Bluetooth off, a call to the Digi Customer Helpline exposed the culprit.

For some reason that the Digi person could not give me a satisfactory answer to, Digi turned on what they called an old internet option called the "internet payu", which cost RM0.50 per day.

Digi has since refunded my credit, but still could not give me a satisfactory answer as to why this internet plan was activated and my direct question of how to ensure this will never happen again.

So do be mindful if you are a Digi prepaid user without internet or data plan, that Digi might sneakily activate something, hoping you don't notice it, and hence used up your credit so you will have to reload more frequently.

Yea, until they give me a satisfactory answer, I am just going to assume it's their dirty trick.


On a related note, there are many Digi prepaid data plan options, I am not advertising for Digi since they didn't pay me and I am not too happy about them right now, so let me just said that Digi prepaid users can have data plan whenever you need it, with different quota and duration to suit your need.

So don't feel that you need to subscribe to a monthly data plan scheme for the "just in case" moments.

I hope this will be useful to someone, but I also hope that it will never happen to you.



Other |hyped up heads up| category entries.