Sentiments

Kok Hoong and Man Yee are such lovely couple I am honoured to be invited to their wedding. It warms my heart knowing about relationship that worked out.

Anyway, I don't intend to write about the wedding lunch. It's what happened after that that I want to share.

I left the lunch deeply sentimental. This is nothing new, I tend to be sentimental after a gathering, especially a joyous one. Probably only my wife knows about this since she is the only one who is with me after everyone has gone their seperate ways.

But my wife is not with me today, so no one to talk me out of that sentimental state, and my mind wandered. Unfortunately, when I am left alone in this state of mind with no one to talk to, I have the tendency to turn melancholy.

I had such desire to talk to someone, there are a lot of feelings I want to express, or perhaps unburden is a more appropriate word.

I tried to think of someone who I could call up and unload all these sentiments, who wouldn't mind me babbling away and yet understand and could empathise.

I thought about my wife, knowing she was probably watching Transformer 2 at that very moment, and would be occupied by His Royal Highness King Baby Hsiang until late evening. Besides, I am not sure if she could still resonate with me, Hsiang is taking up all her time and energy.

I tried to find a candidate within my colleagues, some of whom I consider my friends. After all, I was just among many of them a while ago. However, I couldn't think of anyone that I could just call and talk without constraints. No, none of my colleagues truely knows me. Sad, but true.

I searched in my mind among my old friends, while one or two of them used to be close enough and understood me enough for me to do so, we have distanced since I went overseas. This saddens me.

This feeling of... emptiness? Something missing? This void, is also the reason I named the first site where I expressed and shared online as Solitude.

I am surrounded by people, yet I feel so alone.