Shame on me

I woke up around eight in the morning on a Sunday thinking about work. The unease persisted and it bothered me so much that I couldn't get back to sleep.

So I got up and worked. Both simulation cases had diverged, basically failed. Not surprised really, that has been the recent trend. And a big source of stress to me.

The lack of results lately, coupled with my sense of responsibility and the perfectionist within is absolutely not conducive to my wellbeing. Wonder if I have atelophobia?

Already engaged the technical support of the software provider, not making much progress on that front since the technical support is... well, let's just say I have reservation on the quality and competency of the support. None of the things the tech support suggested I try have been successful thus far.

So I am still trying to solve it myself mainly. For goodness sake I am the software user, not the software developer, I don't know the intricate details of how the software work! I can only do it trial and error and hope I hit gold.

Well, shame on me nevertheless! Waking up early on a weekend, thinking about work some more. Such disrespect!

I have dishonoured the slacker extraordinaire I claimed to be, I am devastatingly ashamed of myself.

Other |wretched workaholic| category entries.

怨气很重

工作和生活上有太多不顺心顺利的事在交接的时间点连续的发生。

无法保持好心情，我坠落沦陷。现在的我，负能量爆棚。

我想，如果有电影效果的话，我现在是被浓浓黑黑的气势围绕着的。

而且是有股寒冷的力量由我为中心点往外扩散，让人无法靠近、让周围的人不由自主地颤抖和难受的。

现在的我，怨气很重。

随兴随想 |系列|

Tipped

I have not been doing overtime since last Friday.

Well, more or less. Still did some work after I woke up in the weekend, but just for a relatively short duration and once I found out that the simulation cases had error I just quit instead of trying to resolve them. Left them till the weekday, the normal work hours.

And these few days I ended my work day at dinner time, more or less on time. Even if I turned on my laptop after dinner it's just something quick so comparatively that doesn't count as overtime.

At least that's what I am trying to convince myself.

I am done with working day and night and through weekend. I am done working overtime. Enough is enough.

Never ending changes and demands, the more I do the more I am asked to do.

It has reached the tipping point and was hovering there while I continued to burn myself out for the insane workload and due dates. Then it tipped over last Friday.

So ya, I am done. No more.

I will work on a more sensible pace and duration now, my wellbeing matters. At least the high level leaders seem to say so.

This is my current resolution. I am trying my best to stay true to it.

Other |wretched workaholic| category entries.

When the planets aligned

Or perhaps I should say, when the ten realms aligned...

... usually luckless person on Midgard would get a sliver of luck for a change.

A bit of background is in order. I think the background story will be the lengthy part of this entry, so just take it as the main content, hehe.

My room gets dusty frequently. The sea breeze brings with it dust from the multi-years land reclaimation project happening off the shoreline where I stay.

After I was done with comparatively short work hours (since my heart was not in it) this morning, I tidied and cleaned my work table. Basically wiped everything down with a moist cloth.

Even though I haven't had much time for gaming, I still called myself a gamer, and my preferred gaming platform is the computer, with keyboard and mouse as the favoured input device.

Any self-respecting computer gamer will have a gaming mouse, mine is a Logitech G5 bought many years ago. Before that I had the MX518.

Despite the once in a while cleaning, the inner circumference of the scroll wheel on my G5 has accumulated grime over the years.

When I tried to rub off the grime with moist cloth, the plastic or rubber scroll wheel turned soft, gluey and sticky, I didn't noticed it at first, it's when, to my horror, part of the wheel started to deform and broke off that I realised. Oh my goodness!

Why oh why a cleaning activity ended up ruining my mouse?!?!! I now have a wonky scroll wheel with chunk missing, if it's any consolation, at least it's not that sticky any more with grime stuck to it... >_<

Out of curiosity I looked up what's the successor for Logitech G5, and currently it seems to be the G502 Hero, which Logitech official site has it priced at RM399.

Okay, can't justify that kind of expense so I asked wifey if there is any offer since businessmen like to have these same day and month number sales and today happened to be the 12/12. Didn't expect it to be within budget even if it's on sales so I asked her to also check if there were any G5 still available.

It appears that the planets were aligned at that particular moment, because Logitech had a flash sales on that exact model, for RM209. It's still not cheap but it's just too good to pass.

Wifey has some other mojo that further reduced the price so she bought me the G502 Hero at less than half the official listed price.

To be honest I still can't believe the luck and timing. Imagine the profit margin the company must be making to offer such discount. But I am looking forward to recieving and using the mouse. Yes I am. ^_^

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

徒劳无功

“人生本来就有很多事是徒劳无功的。”

才不管之前有谁讲过，总之我只记得电影「那些年」沈佳宜的版本，呵呵！

几天前一句 “this workload is not conducive to my wellbeing” 老板马上就一对一网上会议。

其实我就只是实话实说，根本没有什么其它目的。没日没夜没周末没私人时间的忙，事实就是不健康的，没有可能、如果、但是、什么的。

那一对一的会议，也是让他可以交差，名正言顺说有关注、有即时反应。

毕竟我没有要为难任何人，因为我早知道是我自己命贱，那要命的责任感和完美主义的执念。

现实就是做越多的人，就会被老板给更多的工作。说好听点是能者多劳，说俗气点就是水鱼。

是我命贱。我劳碌命。我认命。

今天一整天和顾客的会议，得到的是那卖命忙碌了这么长的时间所换来的是那徒劳无功的感觉。

又要从头开始做起，唉～

真的，工作、生活、人生里很多事情是徒劳无功的。

随兴随想 |系列|

有感而发：活着，就好了

二零二零年十二月六日。

因为疫情，有些人说，二零二零年就这样废了。有些人说，二零二零年白活了。

也许疫情和行动管制令对我这宅男的影响不大，生活和平时没有什么大差异，所以我由衷认为，二零二零年，活着，就好了。

一直想尽办法要让孩子们懂得感恩，而不是总是抱怨的我，在没日没夜的忙得精疲力竭的时候，也是这样告诉自己的。

要感恩我还有工作，还能养家糊口。很多人因为疫情失去了工作，生活成了问题。

要感恩我还活着，家人都还安康。世上很多很多的人因为这新冠肺炎失去了生命。

真的，健康活着，已经很好了。至少，我是这样让自己撑下去的。

疫情不能受控，完全是人的态度和自律的问题。

就是有那些侥幸心态的人，那些无视或违反控制疫情蔓延恶化而制定的规则的人，那些就只是根据自己的需要好恶来行事的自私自我的人。

唉，人类，很累人。

有感而发 |系列|

小小心愿

二零二零年最后一个月了。

可不可以，不要让我这么累？

心语细述 |系列|