2017 in numbers

Last day of the year.

My thought at this very moment is: what a shitty year! And nothing to look forward to in the next year...

Yea, I am in depression, as well as physically sick.

Thought I had received the worst salary increment ever in my career last year, well, this year proved it wrong and set a new low. For the first time in my career I am seriously thinking about leaving the department.

Health is deteriorating. I am getting old, I know.

125 blog entries, no surprise there. This is the 10th year in a row. It's called consistency and discipline.

166 days of commute to ulu place recorded, which covered 16683.7 kilometres, giving an average of 100.5 kilometres per day.

80 petrol filling recorded. My 10.5 years MyVi is doing an average of 15.2 kilometre per litre of petrol, on the low side of the normal range.

37 days of worked till overtime-worthy late. Down from 45 days last year, a healthy trend.

13 days of leave taken.

64 badminton sessions attended, out of 87 that happened. 73.6% attendance rate, much better than last year.

36 tabletop gaming sessions held, up from 20 last year. A combination of 16 board and card games (including expansions) played. The most sessions since the beginning of this tabletop game group. =)

25 novels read, down from 33 last year. 14.6 days for a book, my goodness! I am getting slower and slower every year! =( 

40, 13, 10, 8, for my own reference.

Happy New Year dear reader, wish you a 2018 as you like it!

Other |hyped up heads up| category entries.

行尸走肉

年头一场病开始，年尾也要生病结束，真的是勾叉零蛋三角形！

在忙完了，终于可以享受清闲、好好休息玩乐的时候，就病了。

真的是命贱到…

勾叉零蛋四角形！

昨天看完医生回到家后就像死尸那样瘫痪在床上。

从那时一直到今天早上之间只离开床三次：晚餐，冲凉，宵夜。

头昏脑涨、头重脚轻、全身酸痛，连走下楼都没有把握那种。

真的感觉像废人。

今天还是头昏脑涨，但至少没有全身酸痛了。

可是开始咳嗽，而且一咳嗽就腰背部肌肉疼痛。

真是莫名其妙的啦！怎么咳嗽会和腰背肌肉有关的？

还是大多数时间瘫死在床上，真不明白为何医生会觉得我今天可以上班，坚持只给我昨天一天的病假？

真的，健康最重要，其它都是次要。

除非你很有钱，没有人会二十四小时随传随到服侍照顾你的。

都是好好照顾自己的健康啦！

不要陷入虚弱到需要别人照顾的窘境。

随兴随想 |系列|

身心同一

今天是五天假的最后一天。

很惨。

早上一开手机就收到同事朋友的即时短讯，问我是不是还在病假？

什么病假啦？我拿了两天年假啦！

真是的。

下午，心里开始接受那明天要上班了的残酷事实，超烂的感觉。

身体也随着抗拒反应，开始不舒服。

到了傍晚就病了，感冒喉咙痛，鼻水流个不停。

唉，真的是身心同一。

像我的腹肌一样，很团结。

应该是被那位同事朋友诅咒到咯，讲我生病…

乌鸦嘴，哼！

随兴随想 |系列|

Not the usual break

Fourth day of the five days break.

This is not my usual rest and relax break, it's actually rather happening as the in-laws are here. All of them, including the newly added member since the wedding two days ago, and her family. =)

Many activities planned, with the family photo shoot being the major thing today.

The thing is, with the number of people involved, and with some not as punctual as others, there are slips, delays, waiting and wasted time.

I actually started writing this blog in my room, ten minutes after the initial planned time of arrival at the studio. Yea, arrival time. -_-

There's a slip at the extended family side, so instead of continue to sit and wait like what I was doing forty minutes ago, I booted up my computer and started writing.

Don't get me wrong, my depression and antisocial tendency aside, I love the closeness of my in-laws. Very warm, very 'family'.

I consider myself an organised and punctual person, I like to know what's going to happen so I can plan accordingly. But these few days, to avoid frustration, I need to take things in a very generic, high level kind of way, and leave the details out because those are ever changing.

Like there would be a photo shoot some time today, which started about an hour later than planned. Like there would be a family activity some time yesterday, eventually it's a movie in the evening with part of the family members. Like there would be some people staying over yesterday night in certain room, which I eventually found out at midnight that I didn't have to sleep on the floor as initially planned.

As long as I expect a disruption to the usual routine, and that this is not the usual kind of leave where I rest and relax, it's all good. =P

The rest and relax break will be next weekend. I hope.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

Gimme a break

Hey depression,

it's holiday season.

You are draining me,

can't you just leave me be?

I don't ask for ecstasy,

just don't drown me in lethargy.

I hate you so,

from my heart and soul.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

Cave craving

Perhaps it's year end.

Perhaps it's the recent "bomb".

Perhaps it's the slacker within.

Perhaps it's another bout of depression.

Or perhaps it's a mixture of all that.

Whatever it is, I just feel like staying in my room. My cave.

Feel so drained of energy. Weary. Fatigued.

Don't want to go out, don't want to socialise, and definitey don't feel like working.

Just peace and quiet please. No energy draining demand or interaction.

Let me rest, let me recuperate. Just leave me be.

But life is a bitch, I seldom get what I want.

So still have to get out, to socialise, to work. Wearisome shit.

Mask on, expending the energy that I already lack holding up the facade.

Really, life is a bitch.

Just leave me be in my cave.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

有感而发：徒劳无功

二零一七年十二月十三日。

今天，有像被原子弹击中的感觉。

不方便写出事件，所以只能写我的心情。

现在的心情嘛，就只是想骂粗话那样咯…

勾叉零蛋三角形！

年尾了才投下这样一个炸弹，你是想怎么样？

又这么巧选不能内部调动的时候，所以要实现我那总会幻想丢信讲 “so long, suckers！” 或 “see you, suckers！” 的情节也不行。

真的是没天理。

一时一样的自相矛盾，两边你都讲完了，赢了咯，我还能讲什么？

勾叉零蛋四角形！

一整年做我的强项的那些工作，突然觉得很徒劳无功的感觉。

超沮丧的。

说真的，今年总是有那会离开这份工的预感和念头。不是要离开公司，只是要离开部门。

还留下，就不能再为公司整体的好着想，要很自私的为自己的前途和钱途着想。

还真的希望我离开或不去做后事情会变得很糟糕，到时看他们要怎么样？

要学那些等到事情闹大上头紧张了才工作的同事。

变成那样，不知道我会不会鄙视我自己…

唉，烂透的心情。

*****

人类，真的是很累人。

交际，真的是勾叉零蛋五角形的消耗精神和能量。

又烦又累人。

都是自己静静不交际比较好。

有感而发 |系列|