有感而发：生日·快乐

二零一五年十一月四日

部落格八岁了！

依旧每年的风俗习惯，记录下部落格被观阅的数目。今年的数据是在十时三十分左右记录下的。

2008: 4746

2009: 13300

2010: 23226

2011: 31677

2012: 37412

2013: 42469

2014: 46926

2015: 50532

逐年减少的读者，嗯… 或许应该考虑什么时候我该停止上载了吧？

我还是喜欢写和分享的，但没有人要看或许我应该就写了当自己的日记好了，不要上载浪费空间。

嗯…

*****

我，三十八。不三八，只是不快乐。

昨晚老婆仔再次破灭我的女儿梦想。

都已经很多很多次了，怎么昨晚我特别伤心失望？

或许是因为她想也不想就不以为然的同意领养位女儿？

还是我正患着忧郁症加上中年危机？

是什么都好，那伤心和失望是很真，很深的。

人没了梦想，做咸鱼好了。

*****

生日和独自用餐好像已经是连在一起了。

多年前从澳洲旅游后赶回家，想要在家里度过生日，却沦落为独自在外用晚餐那次起。

工作天我几乎都是独自吃晚餐的，因为回到家孩子们和妻子都已经吃饱了。打球天，孩子们甚至已经睡了。

今早做完「开会工程师」后已接近中午，想到今天放工后回到家一定是独自用餐了，所以想和家人共用午餐。

手机不带身上的老婆仔，和接都不接就盖我电话的儿子组合，成全了我生日独自用餐的传统。

唉…

*****

午餐，独自在我小时住的地方的巴刹里吃。

去哪儿，因为靠近今天要去的工厂，和要在哪补鞋。

徒劳无功，因为补鞋佬今天休假，唉…

选了比较僻静的角落，叫油菜鸡饭吃。

小贩们大多是熟悉的脸孔。那油菜鸡饭的老板刚开始营业时才是二三十岁的年轻人，现在已老态龙钟。

见了他后默默进食时沉思许久，感触良多。

我也不年轻了。

无法实现的梦想。

中年危机。

*****

朋友、同事的生日祝福。

由衷感激，谢谢。

不是我不要，只是我现在快乐不起来，无法保持、延续快乐。

但是，是感激的，真的。

谢谢。

有感而发 |系列|

Friends

Our perspective changes as we proceed through different stages in life.

I am happily married and I am way past the stage of life when I was looking for a lady evaluating whether she is a potential partner.

It's all about friendship now. You know, making new friends to have fun together, and all the other things friends do.

Friendship without romance is perfectly natural and normal for me, I don't understand why some people cannot accept that, and insist that there is always something more than friendship between a guy and a lady.

Someone who is still single may see things differently, someone who hasn't settled down in their relationship may see things differently, or someone who is insecure or disloyal in nature may see things differently.

It's okay, different stages in life, and differences in human nature. Everybody has their own believe and characteristics, and I am secure in mine.

I am direct and straight forward, I have little use or patience for those who play lofty or go in circles. When I invite someone to join for lunch, it's simply to have lunch. When I invite someone to join the badminton session, it's simply to play badminton.

If we were to become closer friends, then it would happen through natural progression. I believe the key to any relationship is communication, and it makes perfect sense that with more interaction we can get to know each other better.

The others can make it as complicated as they want. For me, it's very simple and straight forward.

That's me, I am just like that.

Blank

Wanted to post an entry yesterday night, but ended up working on the thesis.

Told myself I really should post something tonight, but my mind drew a blank while I was thinking about something to write.

Didn't want to sort through the photos for a few entries I have in mind that require those photos, e.g. the Koh Samui trip, the making of the most recent LEGO robot.

Too much work. =P

Perhaps just post an interesting photo or image then?

A quick browse through my Pictures folder ended up with plenty screenshots suitable for the Backlogs series, but since I had just posted one a few days ago I decided not to.

Still drawing a blank while I was showering, that's like the last straw because I wanted to work on my thesis after the shower.

So I am writing this as it is, an entry about my struggle to write this entry, the thought process and the blank state of my mind.

生活点滴：我的画展

修改论文期间为了找些旧资料而无意间翻起了好些往事和记忆。

我还真忘了，我曾经有过个画展。

在二零零五年二月中至三月中，香港的一间书店里。

香港，除了那些在机场里红眼漫长的转机等待以外，我没去过。

所以那个画展，我也不在场。

是在大学做研究那几年认识的朋友的母亲办的。

是一个诗刊的推销展览，那期诗刊用了我的照片。

那时还是菲林时代，数码相机才刚刚兴起，又贵又没有现在手机里相机的品质好。

那些照片全是菲林冲洗后再用扫描器数码化的。

那就是我至今唯一的画展。

一个我没去的，我的画展。

生活点滴 |系列|

Backlogs #7

This one is dated 20th of June 2014, titled "praise me".

It's a sad fact of my work life that pretty much every morning in a working day, we become meeting engineers.

Real work doesn't get done until the afternoon, unless, of course, some full time meeting people call for more meetings.

Them full time meeting people really need to know that us engineers are practical and hands on, and that work doesn't get done just by talking about it. Come to the lab or the floor for first hand information and see things get done, pfft!

Anyway I better stop here before this becomes a full blown rant.

I don't know what my praise is worth, but apparently it meant something to someone.

Erm, yea... I have colleagues who are like little kids.

In this series:  |1| |2| |3| |4| |5| |6|

心的频道：造谣者

初稿于二零一五年八月十八日。

造谣者是不在乎事实的，所以也没有必要解释。

要懂得任由他人去讲，他们开心就好，反正我不疼不痒也没差。

当日行一善布施点欢乐给那些无聊的造谣者就好了。

心的频道 |系列|

Released

After two and a half years, I guess it has finally come to an end.

I was asked to either pick up a role that I hadn't a clue of, or to throw my badge, in April two years ago.

To be honest I probably still haven't got much clue of the role after all these years, I just resisted it so much that I only did enough instead of trying to excel.

I did, however, showed them how good the thermal side of a project can be if I handled it. The thermal aspect for all four packages of that particular project, handled by yours truly, and I kicked arse if I say so myself.

But anyway, it has probably come to an end now.

I said probably since after all I have done, right at the very end of the last of the four packages, they phased me out. I am no longer notified or copied.

Guess it's probably time to take credit so I am conveniently forgotten. Only they screwed up when they list me as support for any future issue.

Work politics.

Oh well.

For thirty months, I kept my promise to myself: I will keep my facial hair as my form of silent protest as long as I am still in that role.

I take this as it's over.

I am now so used to having beard and moustache though, probably will take me some time to get used to being clean-shaven again.