Upgrading evilness

End of the first month of 2016.

Still coughing. Bollocks.

I have realised that an annual list of resolutions almost always end up in failure for me, hence I am tricking myself into a monthly resolution thingy, which seems to have better success rate.

That said, I do have a generic resolution kind of thing going for this year.

In nicer words it's about prioritising my health, both physical and psychological, i.e. mental wellness, happiness, etc., above work; it's about giving time and caring only to those deserving; it's about a careful management of my self-generated energy (introvert); it's about caring even less about what the others said and/or do that is not of my interest, including ignoring all the rumours targeted at me.

In reality all these will probably be perceived as: slack, selfish, anti-social, aloof, take first then only give, and well, evil.

So be it.

So instead of reaching out to just anyone with friendly gesture, I will reserve it to those who are deserving of my energy and time. I don't want to be the initiator anymore, but reciprocator. Prove yourself worthy first, before I will let you into my inner circle reserved for deserving people.

I am going to prioritise things that are conducive to my health and well-being. So yea, the work can wait while I have my lunch first, and yea I will continue tomorrow or later as it's my scheduled exercise or recreation time now, thank you very much.

Had a soulmate once, at least I think I had. Too bad it's gone now. That would have been good for my soul. Someone to talk about just anything and everything, without pretence, without reserve. Someone who reciprocates the need to share.

Oh well, don't get too carried away now.

In short, I see this as a self upgrade for a better life, but to the others it probably means I am eviler than I already am.

*shrug*

  

是非天

今天是非特别多。

我的同事朋友中，有好几位是很… 奇怪的。

查看部门有没有新饼干的回途中碰见一位同事朋友，觉得她晒黑了，便顺口问问。

她说是上回蜜月旅行时晒黑的。哦，也蛮久了嘛，怎么今天才觉得她晒黑了的？

她又追问一句：“我比基尼线还在呢，你要不要看？” 还做状要露肩膀。

我愣了一下，觉得是时候闪人了，匆匆丢下一句：“不要。”

她往我离去的背影再加一句：“我背上也有，你要不要看？”

“不要！”

这小妞结婚过后更加奇怪了，怎么会要秀人比基尼线的？ 我在即时通讯群中投诉。

群中有人问什么是比基尼线？在我还没有解释完已经有两个同事朋友开始很兴奋的写了一大堆他们的情节妄想。

我才不要帮他们散播谣言，总之都是一些坏坏、歪歪、冲着我来要抹黑我的东西就对了啦。

唉，做什么这些人的思想这样奇怪的？脑袋里都是装这样怪怪歪歪的东西的齁？

很无奈的把事情经过讲了一遍，才算平静下来。

之后另一位同事朋友发讯说比基尼线就免了，要秀就秀事业线。呃… 至少他够坦白，而且也没有造谣抹黑别人。

晚间即时通讯群中转了话题，从豆蔻水治咳嗽讲到可口可乐治咳嗽。

倒还真的有听过可口可乐最初是治咳嗽这样的传说，但从来没有去鉴证过。好奇心作祟所以便去维基百科查看。

根据维基百科，可口可乐最初是药没错，但不是治咳嗽哦。想知道是治什么自己去查看，我不要讲了又中招。我刚才就是犯贱要分享刚获得的知识，便把维基百科说的转送在即时通讯群中。

错，错，错，错。

像我一开始讲的那样： 我的同事朋友中，有好几位是很… 奇怪的。

又来了，丰富想象力和超强造谣抹黑能力大爆发。目标：我。

不到十句前才讲了的东西都可以当作没看到，断章取义的造谣抹黑，真的是有够废。也许是真的没看到，有够懒，但不管三七二十一就是要造谣抹黑！

唉… 我放弃，关机。都是不要在即时通讯讲太多。

早上上班途中听 MyFM 说我猴年会有很多是非，有小人惹是非，要多向贵人不要理小人的是非。

但是齁… 还没立春嘞，现在还是羊年嘞，怎么是非已经开始了？ >_<

随兴随想 |系列|

Backlogs #9

This one is dated 22nd of August 2013, it's titled "Prawn Goddess".

Some colleagues really place work above everything, including meal. Like I said before, don't sacrifice your health for work, it's just not worth it.

Unlike goddesses, mere mortal has to eat.

If you value your lunch, stay away from the prawn goddess!

In this series: |1| |2| |3| |4| |5| |6| |7| |8|

那应该写些东西的感觉

写部落格，真的已经成为习惯。毕竟部落格是我变相的日记。

通常都是生活上有值得记录的点滴或趣事，还是有重要的事发生或特别的情感、感触时我会草草写个纲要，待有闲情时再把它整理成别人也看得懂的文章才上载部落格分享。

当然我也有想创作、纯幻想的时候，但那样的文章超少，也用类别列明，绝大多数的文章都是写实的。

创作型文章超少，不是因为我不喜欢创作，其实我很喜欢，要写故事出书是我的梦想。只是我很懒，有好多故事在我脑中，但要写出来要用很多劲，情节应该怎么接啊、故事应该怎么发展啊，等等。对自己有一定的水准要求，所以它们始终还是只存在我脑中，呵呵。 =P

写实容易多了，就是记叙发生过的事情而已，简单。

只要几天没有写些东西，就会自然而然的有那应该写些东西的感觉。像现在这样。

就是那样一个感觉我就写了这篇文章。哎哟，不错哦！ =P

随兴随想 |系列|

The locked folder

I was clearing one of my oldest private e-mail accounts, something I haven't been doing for many months. Good thing pretty much nobody sends me e-mail to that account anymore.

Mostly just notices from various service providers, game companies, Facebook, Blogger, and of course the inevitable spams.

After clearing the inbox, I moved the e-mails I wanted to keep to my archive folder, and that's when I noticed I have a folder called 'locked'.

Why oh why did I not just log out after clearing the inbox?

Why did I have to click and checked out that folder?

It's really a folder that should remained locked. I read a few e-mails in it and the emotional flood gate just got thrown wide open.

Overwhelmed.

"Some experiences change us forever, we are never the same after." I wrote that, after saying I would have been a much different person if I didn't go through those postgraduate years. For that was the time when I finally could no longer hold on to my belief in 'truth, goodness, and beauty'. That was the time when I lost faith in human beings, and in myself.

Yes, I would have been more like my undergraduate self if it wasn't for those experiences. And yes, I think my undergraduate self is a better me.

The 'locked' folder contains the e-mail exchanges of a person who was a part of those  experiences. I wanted to say 'harrowing experiences', perhaps it's indeed an appropriate adjective, but I guess I am mature or seasoned enough now to also see them as important life lessons.

Reading a few of the e-mails in that folder brought back those memories.

And of all things, the thing that came to my mind was the promise I made about dedication if I ever published a book. The dedication in my first book, if there ever is one.

Dammit, what's wrong with me?!!?!

Attempt #1, failed

I practised the song many days, really I did.

But I suppose I am just not meant to master all kind of songs, it's really the rap part of the song that I couldn't get right.

At least we had the grace to just end the song when it's apparent that we couldn't sing it right, saving from totally ruining a nice song.

Still I am disappointed. Oh well. =(

Despite drinking honey lemon for the whole week, and finished a whole can of that tangerine-lemon herbal candy that's supposed to soothe my throat, I am still coughing.

Meh.

Couldn't finish most songs, just didn't have the breath. Really out of condition today, *sigh*...

But I enjoyed the session, laughter aplenty as usual, despite many people also having throat problem.

Oh, and we didn't skive, it's a replacement holiday for those of us working in Kedah today. Perfect time for a lunch time karaoke session, lower cost and less crowded.

As home finance minister has voiced many times, which I concurred, that the evening/night time karaoke session is simply too expensive, we can't justify the value for money. So I foresee I will not be having many karaoke sessions since it's difficult to get a lunch time session to happen, unless the gang decided to take leave together.

So yea, failed in our first attempt, would really like to try again, but I don't know when the second attempt will be.

心的频道：感情筹码

初稿于二零一五年十月十日。

我有一群较好的同事朋友，工作以外还有互动的那种。

很熟了，所以讲话都不转弯抹角的单刀直入。

这样坦白直接的交流真的很爽，耶！ ^_^

那天去午餐途中有位直接跟我要求生日礼物，要我唱歌给他。

不知道他们最近发什么神精总要我唱歌做生日礼物… -_-

我也很直接的回答说感情不够好、不够深，筹码不够不能要求，我不会答应或在乎的。

他问我要怎样增加感情筹码，我倒也愣了下。

要问就已经失败了，不是吗？

感情怎样变得更好应该是互相栽培，要互相投资的吧？

我自己的原则很简单：要别人怎么对你，就怎么对别人。

虽然别人不一定会用同样的方式回应对待，但我们还是要坚持做好自己的本分。

我也是这样告诉孩子们的。

心的频道 |系列|

生活点滴：因为美（二）

大哥离开大马时留了些没吃完的宵夜食物，其中有撒了糖的烤面包。

几天前我吃了一块，有点漏风不软不脆，韧韧的。

昨晚见老婆仔要吃另一块，我便告诉她我的经验。

她一口咬下去，很干脆的声音。

“咦，怎么你这一块这样脆的？我那块那么韧的？”

“因为我美咯。” 老婆仔又那样回我。

“你可不可以分点美给我啊？”

“那样是没有效的。”

生活点滴 |系列|

Random behaviour for January 2016

Succeeded in my December's impromptu resolution.

Maintained the daily routine of doing push-ups as well as incorporated the abdominal muscles related exercise, only missed on the last day of December, when I fell sick. I have just restarted the daily routine yesterday, taking it easy since my body has just recovered.

For January 2016, starting after I post this, my impromptu resolution is: to not post on Facebook regarding new blog entry.

Because I can.

生活点滴：因为美

几天前老婆仔在政府的一间诊疗所拔了智慧牙。

今天那牙医竟然打了通电话问近况。

我有点惊讶，因为给很多钱去私人诊疗所做都没有这样的客户服务。

“情人，政府医生的服务这样好的啊？”

“因为我美咯。” 老婆仔想都不用想的回我。

“哦，这个我明白。”

生活点滴 |系列|

Shattered

At the time of writing this, I am fever-free for about 16 hours straight.

For six days and six nights I had been down with fever. It's due to a bacterial infection at the throat, which might have been a follow on after a viral infection. At least that's what the doctor interpreted based on some blood test indicators. The blood test was mainly to determine if I got dengue, which I don't, phew.

Anyway, I don't function well when my body temperature is above 38 Celsius and I take medicine when it hits 39 Celsius or above. I took medicine for fever 16 times in the first five days. In the sixth day, the temperature never broke 38 Celsius so I let the body handled it.

The fourth day night was a horrible night. I don't know whether I was delirious, hallucinating, or whatever. I couldn't sleep and I kept seeing things that I have never seen before, pictures, places, faces, stuff that kept flashing by whenever I closed my eyes.

They were not terrible or horrible things really, and probably I would even appreciate them if I was not so sick and just wanted to sleep, but they kept appearing and flashing by nonstop they unsettled me.

They seemed and felt so real I kept having to open my eyes to reassure myself that I was still in my bed, but as soon as I close my eyes they returned. I felt like I was going crazy.

That was a horrible, horrible night.

Around 16:00 hours on the sixth day was when I felt more like a human again, still had fever but nothing more than 38 Celsius. As I said in the beginning, I am about 16 hours since anything above 37.5 Celsius, I am hoping the fever part is done and all I have to do now is to finish the antibiotic course and put myself together again.

Wrecked and shattered, that's how I feel now. I need some time to really recover from this.

What a way to end and start a year...