Facial hair

It has been a long while since I last clean-shaved my facial hair.

I kept my facial hair throughout the 100 days after mommi passed away, as my show or respect and mourning.

But before that I have already been keeping my facial hair, so it has really been a long while since I was last clean-shaven.

While wifey prefers me to be clean-shaven, I don't really have a preference. To me it's more to do with mood.

For months I have kept the trimmed facial hair look. To me that look better reflects my life: not smooth, but I am trying to make the best of it, to keep it somewhat under control.

Now that the 100 days are over, and wishing for a change to the better in September, I clean-shaved this morning.

To me it's a very obvious difference in my look, but as usual, none of the family members noticed. No mystery there, just my insignificance at home.

Other |hyped up heads up| category entries.

心的频道：牵动情感

忘了是怎么偶然看到《换乘恋爱》这韩国恋爱综艺节目，但好奇点看了第一季的第一集后就无法自拔。

连续每天都在看的看完了两季，这几天休假更是每天看好几集。应该是我这一生追剧追的最严重的一次了。

虽然被我逼着看了少少片段的情人老婆仔说是节目效果，但我还是相信是真情流露，不是演戏。

我怎么那么容易共感共情的？总是会被出演者的情感感染，可以深深感受那些情怀感受，仿佛身历其境似的。

看恋爱综艺也能够有这么深、这么多的情感起伏，是节目做得很好，还是我感情太丰富，还是感情太缺，缺爱？

由衷希望选择在一起的情侣会幸福快乐。

如果有第三季我是绝对不会错过的，期待着…

心的频道 |系列|

二十七

情人老婆仔，二十七周年拍拖纪念日快乐！

感谢这么多年的不离不弃。

记得莫忘初衷，继续经营爱情，不要理所当然。

爱你哟！

心语细述 |系列|

Potato mode on

Next Thursday is National Day. I am taking next Monday to Wednesday off to make a six days break, including the weekend.

Goodness knows I needed a break, honestly think I could just drop dead at any moment. Sudden death from the physical and mental exhaustion.

And the emotional exhaustion.

Thing is, even on leave, I don't think I can properly rest. Life is shitty now, very draining, crushing.

Not that I have good quality sleep normally, but last few days had been worse than normal. Feel so empty, hollow. Numb.

Anyway, potato mode is on, don't contact me for any work related stuff. I have been pushed into a cave, and in there I shall stay.

Other |hyped up heads up| category entries.

一百天

二零二三年八月二十二日，妈咪突然离世后的第一百天。

想做些什么，但又不知道应该做些什么。网上找到的，都不是给骨灰撒海去漂游世界的习俗仪式。

原本想去庙里拜一拜，但一早出门去办公室，没七点就开工，午间和几百个人参与了部门最大的老板的会议后赶回家继续开那些开不完的会，终于可以下班时已经是傍晚六点半。

没有去到庙，没有烧香拜拜。

妈咪，知道你去了没有病痛的地方，应该也和我的小天使相聚了，但遗憾没有机会好好说再见…

现在的我特别怀念你无条件的呵护爱戴，我生活好累，心好累。

由衷感谢你给的一切，希望你在天国一切美好。

心语细述 |系列|

Change

The only constant is change. Change is inevitable.

As we grow, as we age, we change.

How does promise factor into the equation then?

To me, a promise is a promise, it should always be kept and upheld, else it defeats the purpose of making a promise.

A promise shouldn't be something we discard or alter at whim just because it becomes inconvenient. It is exactly when things become tough or inconvenient that the strength to uphold a promise becomes paramount.

A relationship will only work if both sides uphold their promises, treat each other with respect, and not take the other for granted.

Repeated broken promises and disregard of the other feelings and needs will poison the relationship, turning it toxic.

Change in a relationship should be mutual, not individual. Unless of course, nurturing the relationship has never been part of the equation. My way or the highway. It's your issue if you don't like the changed me, there is no turning back, it's the new norm so get used to it.

When we are in an adverse situation, we try to change it. If we cannot change it, we try to change ourselves to accept it. If we cannot accept it because it simply adversely affects our wellbeing, making our life miserable, we leave.

Other |sane side| category entries.

又一宗

住的公寓今早又一宗坠楼身亡事件。这是我所知道的，近年来的第三宗。

父亲告诉我这事件时，我第一个思维就是 “又一宗”，怀着冷淡、漠不关心的心态。

我紧接下来的第二个思维，也是那淡漠的心态，是 “下一个会不会是我？”

然后我想明天或等新闻报出来后，同事朋友应该会询问吧？

然后我就继续忙工作。

我的心境应该是有问题吧？但其实我现在记叙这件事，还是一样的心态…

我有忧郁症，但我没有自杀的念头。至少我是这样认为。生命很宝贵，我明白。

所以那思维就那样自然而然地浮现，我又没有觉得有任何违和感，任何恐惧或不安，是不是表示我其实是有自杀的念头呢？

或许也是可以理喻的，毕竟我的人生现在只有无奈、失望，和那无止尽的心疲累。

午餐时间应该也完了，回去工作。

心语细述 |系列|