四十九天

二零二三年七月二日，妈咪过世四十九天。

风俗习惯这些事，以往都是问妈咪的。所以要怎么守孝，根本没有头绪。

我只是觉得，我必须要守孝，所以在网上找了些资料参考。百度百科是这样解释的：尊亲过世后，服满以前，居住在家，断绝娱乐和交际，以示哀思。

一百天在家守孝，除非必须，不要外出旅游、探亲访友等，以免将自身的悲伤气息带给他人。尤其是婚礼、开业、庆祝小宝宝出生等喜事，最好不要参加。

披麻戴孝我就没有跟了。百日内穿白色，百日后穿黑色、蓝色等深色的衣服，忌讳穿红戴绿。

直系亲属去世第一年，春节忌讳贴红对联，不去给别人拜年。

能够做的我都会做，家人支持与否都没有关系，这是我和妈咪的事。

心语细述 |系列|

Survival meal

No, I didn't mean emergency ration.

I survived the involuntary headcount reduction round, so I had a meal to commemorate the occasion.

Since only I myself think it's a big deal, so I am the only one celebrating it.

I treated myself to a McDonald's value meal. Fitting, because that's what I am, the value meal. Not luxury, not fine dining, just bang for the buck value meal.

It's just a nicer way to say I am cheap labour. At work and at home.

So ya, I survived this round of headcount reduction. Hope I can survive the future ones too...

Someone has to be the breadwinner, being valued for it or not.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

一天一天过

我最近怎么样？

嗯，老实说我也不知道自己究竟是怎么样…

这次的忧郁症比较严重，每天都是低能量、低效率。感觉好累，还有就是麻木。

今天公假，我加时工作了三个小时半，但效率很差。明天拿了假，和接着的周末，我应该都会加时工作。

我不好，状况很差，但工还是要做，日子还是要过。

感谢问候和邀约，但我这样的时候不想要见人，希望能够理解。

过几天就是守孝四十九天，或许那过后再开始网上的桌面游戏吧？

嗯，我不好，但日子还是要过。我就是这样一天一天的过…

心语细述 |系列|

Gotta note this down

I went to look for my university books today, pretty much untouched since after I unpacked the shipment from England all those years ago, gathering dust in the home library.

Got the two I was looking for, and read a chapter or two looking for the stuff I need.

Well, not really need, more like looking for a sophisticated way to phrase the technical stuff I am going to share next week.

I already know what to share, and most likely will share in layman's terms so people can actually understand. But to prepare the material, I want something more formal. Gotta keep up the appearances, hehe. =P

And honestly, what's written in the books is sure to put the audience to sleep. Goodness, they just have to make it so hard to grasp, all the big words and technical terms in long sentences.

Wonder how I actually understand them all those years back, must have reread those sentences several times...

Whenever I present something nowadays, I pretty much never read the material I prepared verbatim, I just give the gist of it in as straight forward way as I can.

Anyway, just wanted to record this incident, that I actually read a technical book after graduating from university so many years ago.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

Respite?

Today my manager informed us that for our team, there are no one selected for the involuntary headcount reduction.

For many, that's a relief for months long anxiety.

Don't know the number of headcount lost for my department as a whole. That number has not be announced.

For my immediate team, we lost two. They opted for voluntary separation.

I supposed I felt relieved. Though to be honest, I felt mostly numb and knackered.

It's hard to feel anything when in deep depression, and the prevailing thought is: so, when is the next round of headcount reduction?

Ya, depression and negativity go hand in hand.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

疲累

感觉这一次，连续累了很多很多天。

是比较严重的忧郁症的关系？还是其它原因？

每天都很低的能量，对凡事缺乏兴致。

就是很累。

夜间也常常发梦，那种醒来还能记得自己刚发过梦，连续好几天了。而且总是和家人有关。

我真的好累。

随兴随想 |系列|

这样的人

本故事纯属虚构，只求表述人的态度本质。扩展我对婴儿或年幼的孩子解释要从错误学习不要重犯，和从别人的经验学习就可以省掉自己走冤枉路和避免伤痛的热水壶例子。

“天气鬼这样冷，都不知道是什么世界来的！” 儿子一贯的凡事埋怨。

“嗯，那你要不要喝些热的饮料暖一暖身？” 母亲温馨建议。

“哦，好主意，我要喝热可可。”

“你自己去冲泡你的热可可，刚刚烧开了水，小心水壶还很热。”

“靠！水壶这么热烫到手了啦，妈的XXXXXX（删掉其它的粗话）！”

“怎么会烫到的？水壶把手有那么烫吗？”

“什么鬼把手啦，当然是水壶本身啦，拿水壶当然是双手握着水壶的身体的啦！”

“多数的人是用把手的，已经证实不会烫手，可以轻易移动水壶的，你试试看。”

“妈的，你整天就是要控制我！为什么就不能让我用自己的方式？你越要控制我，我就越叛逆，越不要跟你的方式做！”

“就是给你个建议，一个证实了可行的方式。你已经试了你的方式十多次，每次都一样的结果，为什么还要继续用行不通的方式呢？难道就没有其他办法了吗？不要用把手，或许可以戴隔热手套？”

“你看！就是整天逼我用你的方式，不给我自由！妈的这是什么家来的，好像监牢那样。”

“唉，既然壶身很烫手，你又不要用我建议的方式，那你要用什么办法冲泡你的热可可呢？”

“我根本都没有要喝热可可，是你逼我那样讲的，不然你就会一直问一直问！”

“你为什么要扭曲事实？明明就是你自己说要喝热可可的，我就是想让你冷天里暖身而已。”

“我不用你管！我的方法是对的，总有一次我会幸运的不被烫到的。再说，热可可是什么烂东西！我等到水壶冷了就可以用我的方式来冲泡可可了。”

“你就是要靠运气吗？冷可可怎么暖身呢？”

“妈的！你就是不能够支持我，听我讲的。我告诉你，整个世界会变成喝冷可可来暖身的！”

随兴随想 |系列|