29 August 2019

Still holding


Many years ago, a young lady let me hold her hand.

And interlocked her fingers with mine.

Our lives are thus entwined.


Many years later, still holding.

Still loving.

May there be many more years to come.



Other |sane side| category entries.



25 August 2019

心的频道:真实


我知道,最近的文章都比较悲观,消沉、负能量满满的。

要明白,这部落格不是为了取悦他人的。

这部落格不是为了观数流量、赚广告费什么的。

这部落格根本没有广告。

也没有只为了吸引人,跟文章没关系的图片。

这部落格鲜少有图片,因为比起画面,我是比较偏于「文字」的人。


这部落格是我的日记,记录我的生活,那些我觉得重要的事与物。

人生很多点点滴滴值得记下来,记忆力不好的我,用文字把那些瞬间凝固。

以便往后我可以回顾人生、重温过去。

那就是这部落格的主要目的。


如果可以让有心去阅读的他人有所领悟或收获什么的,那我觉得何乐不为呢?

毕竟,从他人的经历学习,是比较精明的经验累积。

不必事事都要自生经历才体会领悟的,尤其是失误的冤枉路。


我的人生不是都是彩虹和晴天的。

我是有忧郁症的人,有低落和负面情绪的日子很正常。

负能量是要面对和应付的,不是避忌或绝口不提的。

阴天、雨天也有它们的美,它们的意义。

没有雨天就不会有雨过天晴的那心境、那感慨、那喜悦。


今年八月至今我过得不是很快乐,我低落消沉。

所以我真诚坦白的如实记录。

就是如此而已。



心的频道 |系列


24 August 2019

八月至今


很快,八月就要过去了。

整个八月至今,能记得的好事就那么一宗。

其它的就只有叹息…

说真的,我不是很肯定自己是不是在忧郁症中。

不太像,但又有些相似的症状。


八月至今,是很多的无奈。

事事不如意。

就是安分守己也会飞来横祸。

萦绕着晦气、阴气。

死气沉沉。


累,身和心。

尤其是心,没有了动力。

仿佛迷失了方向。

每天在忙,但不知道自己为何要这么忙,为了什么?

总会觉得生活没什么意义。


我只有,无奈的叹息。



随兴随想 |系列|


19 August 2019

Low batt.


Low battery. Lack of energy.

Drained. More mentally than physically.

Demotivated. Lost of drive.

Smouldered. Burn-out.

A teeny-weeny sense of lost. Feeling bleak.

Tired. Just tired.



Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.


16 August 2019

Ten months and a bang!


Slightly more than ten months ago I fulfilled one of my life's dreams.

Probably the only one out of the three that I can, the other two will most likely follow me to my grave.

*Sigh*...

Sad but true.


Anyway, that's not the topic of this entry.

You know, when we drive we are to be alert of the surrounding, be aware of what's in our peripheral vision, all that.

So we can minimise the chance of mishap and accident since there are just so many idiots on the road that inevitably endangered the other road users by their action and/or inaction.

Idiotic road users are one of my pet peeves but is also not the topic of this entry.


So anyway, I was driving to work in the early hours today, using the same route, driving the same style as I always do. I do consider myself a safe and responsible driver.

Traffic was light and smooth that time of the day, all was going as usual until I was cruising passed a T-junction along Pengkalan Weld.

Nothing triggered me on my peripheral vision, so it's pretty surprising when I heard, rather than felt, a bang from the rear.

Since I didn't really felt any significant impact, it was only when I glanced at my rear view mirror and saw a motorcyclist sprawling on the road that I realised I just had an accident.

Dammit! That motorcyclist hit my new car from the right coming out of the T-junction!

(Okay so it's almost a year old but it's still very dear to me.)

I stopped the car at the road side and headed back towards the motorcyclist, pissed, to be honest. Victim of an accident, angry thinking of the damage done to my dear car and the inconvenience that motorcyclist has caused me.

But I kept my cool, since anger doesn't help and we don't think clearly when we are angry.


What I saw walking back toward the scene was a Malay guy helping to right the motorcycle and the motorcyclist, also Malay, sitting dazed on the road.

No major injury that I can see, some scratches on his left hand and some cuts on the fingers. Helmet had rolled off so he probably didn't wore it properly, or at all.

I went and took photos of the motorcycle, making sure I have the number plate. But I didn't get the road tax since unlike on a car, it's not readily displayed on a motorcycle.

The motorcyclist was either shocked, stoned, or both. He wasn't very lucid and didn't seemed to know what to do even after he was up and walking about.

I actually wasn't surprised when he couldn't produce a driving license, and no, the motorcycle was not insured either.

Guess he knew he is in the wrong since he readily said he would pay for repair. My initial inspection of my car then didn't show any noticeable damage. It's still dark so I was primarily checking if there's any dent.

Don't know why I took pity on him and said will not lodge a police report. He has no insurance to claim anyway, lodging a report would only cause him trouble for driving illegally.

When asked if he had someone he could call, since his left hand was injured and it's not safe to ride his motorcycle home, he said his mobile phone has just been stolen, like, during that accident.

Remember that Malay guy who helped to right the motorcycle? Yea, gone, with the phone most likely.

Human being can be so heinous. One of the reasons I am antisocial.


Anyway, I must have gone soft as I aged, as I went and drove him home after he told me he doesn't remember any number of his family member (that's the problem with relying on phone address book), so couldn't call any of them with my phone.

He was either really tired, or again my suspicion that he was under the influence of some substance, as he dozed off while I drove him home. Getting direction out of him was a challenge as well given his state.

Missed an exit, made a U-turn a lot further down the road, and him confusing left and right (spoken in Malay no less) didn't help.

But eventually I got him home, he woke his mom and I told her what happened. Told her to get his son checked for seriousness of injury and to get the motorcycle back where we left it, the key's with her son.

She thanked me and I left them to go to work, arrived office 40 minutes later than usual.


It's not until I got home, and under a brighter condition, that I noticed the right rear rim has deep scratches. I only noticed the scratches on the right rear end above the wheel earlier.

So I guess the right rear wheel was where the real impact is.

Bollocks, I do mind the scratches on the rim! >_<

My poor car. =(



Other |runaway rants| category entries.


13 August 2019

Books are not written equal


Of course they are not.

There is a reason why some authors are famous and rich while many are just unknowns...

Well, more than one reason but never mind, this is not an entry for that topic.

Suffice it to say that even I have had novels that I simply could not stand finishing, urgh... just urgh.


My latest novel took me longer than my average, more than double the usual time I use to finish a book.

It's not a bad read really, and it's not particularly thick either. 423 pages, fairly common length.

The thing that made it such a drag is the font used in printing. Not sure whether it's the size, spacing, weight or what, but the fonts are just very straining on the eyes, and my eyesight has deteriorated rapidly since early this year.

Really gotta pick the right publisher, would really be a shame to lose reader because of bad printing quality or lousy readability.



Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.