18 July 2019

Sucker +3


Arrived office car park: 06:39 hours.

Left office car park: 20:49 hours.

Worse than yesterday.

Sucker level three in such short period of time.

Absolutely disgusting, horrible, shameful.

I would say life sucks, but there is currently no life.

For this is not living.



Other |runaway rants| category entries.


17 July 2019

Sucker! Part deux


One week after I wrote that sucker entry, I pulled a thirteen hours work day.

In the office, straight, without leaving since I arrived in the morning.

Closer to fourteen hours than thirteen really but take away my super efficient breakfast and lunch in the cafe it's about right.

Eating alone is very time efficient.


Arrived before sunrise, left when sun was well set.

Bollocks!

All I saw was darkness.

Yes, I meant more than the lack of light.

Dark time indeed.



Other |runaway rants| category entries.


14 July 2019

Heads up WoW players: free game time


I logged on my Battle.net application without any real reason today, just something I do on and off to keep the games up to date, even though I haven't been gaming for a while now.

I have even started thinking that it's about time I set myself a resolution to play game, you know, being a self-proclaimed gamer and all that...

But given the crazy workload lately, I know I will just fail miserably so that resolution is delayed.

Anyway, after I logged on, I got a notice saying I have a free gift so I checked it out, seems like I have three days free World of Warcraft game time, which will expire end of July.

I should be thrilled, free game time!

In a sense I am happy to get this free gift, but I didn't immediately claim it since I know I will probably just manage to get in a few hours of gaming out of the three days and waste the rest.

Guess I am just not in the right condition to make the most of the free game time, with the depression on going, and the amount of workload I have nowadays...

But hey, free game time is free game time, it's a good thing. Thank you Blizzard, please do more of this.

World of Warcraft players on hiatus, this is a public service in case you are not aware, go grab it quick.



Other |hyped up heads up| category entries.


13 July 2019

又一季


刚看完这一季「奔跑吧」的最后一集。

就像看韩国的 Running Man 一样,少了 Gary 后总觉得少了什么的,不再是原来的节目了的那感觉。

同样的,中国版的少了那几位老成员,我对它的喜爱就不如前了。

应该是因为那熟悉的大家庭成员们之间的互动是吸引我的一个重要因素吧?

熟悉的大家庭散了,感觉就不一样了。

当然,还是追看,还是有笑有感动。

就是有那淡淡的若有所失,和那这不再是以前那我喜爱的节目了的感觉。

总之就是不一样了啦,嗯…

怎么都好,又一季完了。

又要等一年了。

显…



随兴随想 |系列|


10 July 2019

Sucker!


Work/life balance in this new department is a joke.

At least for me.

Told myself enough is enough, that I cannot keep using my personal time to work because of unrealistic workload, that it will only make the others think I can still handle the workload and continue to pile it on.

So I stopped staying in the office to work when it's time to go home, and stopped going in to work in the weekend.

But being the sucker that I am, I remotely connect to my workstation to work from home after working hours instead.

Every freaking day, including weekend.

I am such a sucker, I am totally ashamed of myself.

Really have to just fish and duck it and let go.



Other |runaway rants| category entries.


07 July 2019

Dark thoughts


Wrote a sane but heavy entry on my current emotional and psychological state, while brutally real, I don't think posting it would do any good, so I withheld and archived it.

It's a cruel world we live in, what's real and true matters not.

Wanted to write something else, started on another weekend project entry about PC clean up and toilet repair, but ended up writing about all these instead, guess I just couldn't get out of that state.

So be it.

Hopefully this will end up being a much lighter version of what I archived.


My emotional and psychological health is at a very bad place nowadays. I no longer see the use in reaching out because it does nothing, if it would help, it would already happened.

It's not like it's something new, I have been calling out often enough, only to deaf ears and been summarily ignored. Rinse and repeat.

My needs don't matter after all. Actually, could simply because I don't matter.

Oaths and promises have no meaning, no value, people just changed, like it or not.

What was doesn't matter, people don't stay true or consistent. Sad but true.

I suddenly can comprehend and understand why certain things could happen.

When basic wants and needs are continually sidelined and neglected, people either suffer in silence and solitude, or they seek alternative to survive, or to end it.

It could just be a matter of when it reaches the breaking point.

And it makes sense that people have different latitudes and tolerance levels before we break.

Some will break sooner, some later, some might never break but just go on living a sad and unfulfilled life.

Right?



Other |sane side| category entries.

  

04 July 2019

Bad place


Headache in the evening is pretty much a daily thing nowadays.

The poor quality of sleep, coupled with the insane workload.

That sense of "army of one", and not just in regards to work.

And my lousy stress management I suppose.


Physical health has been sliding, feel so unfit.

Mental and psychological health is definitely in a bad place now.

Reached out, but there is nothing to grip, no reciprocation.

Solitude has its price.

Guess I can only go deeper into my cave.



Other |sane side| category entries.