Just another working day

To avoid my annual leave being burned, I took today off to keep the total under the limit.

And typically, I turned on my laptop to work first thing after I woke up today.

The only difference is that I did not joined any meeting, which is always an improvement in work efficiency.

Also did not had to answer any instant messages, but usually that isn't too bad, except those who ping near the end of the work day...

So it's just another working day today, my so called annual leave.

Well, actually it's not just another working day, because I am going to continue work after I post this, so it's an annual leave that I worked the normal working hours plus overtime.

Sad.

Other |wretched workaholic| category entries.

颓

昨天星期五是公假，我拿了下星期一的假，凑成四天长周末。

其实也就是不想要血汗换来的有薪假期超额被消掉才拿了假的，但是已经知道这周末会加时工作的了，所以自相矛盾。

唉，我的命就是这么贱…

昨天是带着超忧郁的情况起床的。不知道为什么，但就是那么的糟糕。

结果昨天什么都做不到，根本没有那能量和集中力，就是颓废了一整天。在昏暗低谷里，消沉、低落、黯淡、苟延残喘。

今天也不是真的好到哪里，但逼自己起床后加时工作到午餐。状况很差，所以效率很低，进展很可悲。

感觉整个人废了，唉…

近来，很难。

随兴随想 |系列|

Pickleball, round 4

Played my fourth game of pickleball today with colleagues at company's basketball court self-converted to pickleball court with portable net.

More players today, good. I played two matches and it's time to go.

But due to tomorrow being a public holiday, the traffic was already bad when I left, took me an hour to get home.

Still find pickleball to be fun, only today I was overshadowed with depression and the heaviness in mind and heart.

Hope I will be in a better mood next session.

Pickleball series: | 1st |  | 2nd |  | 3rd |

Other |enjoyable events| category entries.

怨

觉得自己烦躁不安、怨念很重。

周末醒来就开电脑加时工作已经惯已为常，但这几天不同的是那难以释怀的不满、愤慨、无力、不安等一大堆负面情绪和能量。

公司这几年屡次裁员已经搞得人心惶惶，刚过的这一轮还投下了一颗摧毁信心的炸弹，把团队里我认为最厉害、最高职、最能干的那位给砍了。

坦白说我真的觉得连那位高人都能够被裁掉，那团队里其他的团员被裁员也不出奇了。毕竟这公司不是根据实力主义、精英体制的吗？

我不是团队里最厉害那个，但我努力保持在中上。那是我一向用来确保自己还有价值、不会被砍的策略。

如果公司不再是根据精英体制来决定谁去谁留，我不能够靠工作上的实力来保住饭碗，突然间就觉得这工作很没有保障，没有安全感。我可是家里唯一的收入来源，我不能没有工作嘞！

所以我怨念很重，觉得不公，气愤却又无能为力。

感觉自己在黑化，如果有怨气绕身的特效应该就是黑暗的光圈或全身散发黑色火焰那种。

心语细述 |系列|

Sorry state

I am in a depression bout.

Energy level is lower than normal, so stress and negativity handling capabilities are also lower than usual.

Being sick with sore throat and splitting headache does not help.

The short 'dead to the world zombie state' after work yesterday was barely enough to get me through the dinner out.

The splitting headache came back full force when I got home from dinner. Miserable state I was in.

Still am, really. Same crappy state today.

Not the ideal condition to be bombarded with more problems, issues, and stressful stuff.

But of course I am being bombarded by them more than usual these few days. Murphy's law or whatever. Just my luck, my life.

Daily updates of relative's progress towards afterlife. Newly discovered leak in the house that has created a hole in the ceiling. The shocking, worrisome and stressful layoff announcement.

This draining depression and splitting headache.

Sorry state I am in now.

Other |sane side| category entries.

Hello cave (just like that)

Was watching a Korean variety show yesterday night. The show is more a sadistic kind of funny from all the unnecessary hardships due to ridiculously designed accommodation, than a hilarious kind of funny.

And without any trigger that I am aware of, I just suddenly felt the hollowness sank in, that low energy feeling, that familiar heaviness of mind and heart.

Another depression bout has landed.

Just like that, in the middle of watching a variety show, a comedy for goodness sake.

After so many years, I still don't understand depression. I just suffer it whenever it decides to hit me. Whenever it damn well pleases.

A bit too frequently lately, too regular.

Other |hyped up heads up| category entries.

Pickleball, round 3

Played my third game of pickleball today with colleagues.

At company's basketball court with our portable net. We are not that pro fussy really. =P

I like to think I suck less now. New players that joined for the first time today definitely helped with that delusion, hehe.

We had enough players to rotate in between matches today. That is good, old geezer like me needed the break in between.

Again, a fun experience, so still looking forward to the next game. =)

Hope I won't be aching all over tomorrow...

Pickleball series: | 1st |  | 2nd |

Other |enjoyable events| category entries.

心的频道：第五个

上一个我和同事呈上，然后公司觉得有价值，要申请专利的发明概念，已经是三年前的事了。

那一年还有个公司觉得很有价值，但不申请专利的商业机密。

过后虽然偶尔还是有呈上一些发明概念，但公司都不觉得有价值，没有要申请专利权。

这几年的专利空窗期让我承受自己为自己挖的坑，真是哭笑不得。

不久前突然被同事拉进一个他们一堆人在做着的发明概念，我是因为他们有散热的疑问而被拉进去的。我提供了我的想法，也帮忙跑了几组热流模拟来提供数据，还真的为他们原本的概念大大增了值，所以名正言顺、问心无愧的列入这发明概念的团员名单里。

我后来才知道，原来这堆人是同时在做着两个（也许更多？）发明概念的。我被拉入的只是一半的人在做的概念，还有另一半的人在做着另一个概念。赶着在截止日期前呈上。

我不知道另一个概念是什么，另一组人也不知道我做的这概念是什么，应该是只有那一、两位带头的才完全知道吧？

我是靠近截止日期时，带头的说两个发明概念都会用全两组人的名单呈上时我才知道这一回事，然后一直到筛选成绩出炉后我才第一次看了另一个发明概念的文档。

我做的那个概念落选了，是另一组做的概念被公司选中去申请专利，所以我有那躺赢的感觉。

老实说虽然不是不开心，但总觉得怪怪的。毕竟我完全对那另一个发明概念没有任何的贡献，感觉好像寄生虫那样…

是的，这将会是我第五个专利。一个让我感觉不太对的专利。

心的频道 |系列|

不想

三天长周末就这样过去了。

很成功，因为我克制了自己，完全没有加时工作。

应该，但不想工作。

连明天要开工了也非常不想工作…

随兴随想 |系列|

十九年

小天使，爸爸没有忘记
你和奶奶在天国怎么样？
有没有不时看看世间的我们？

你那令人操心的大弟弟中学考了个很不理想的成绩
全国有太多比他考得好很多、很多、很多的同届同学
全A生就有十三千那么多，相对下他那成绩完全没有竞争力

那样的成绩就不用想要进国大了，唯有掏腰包申请私人学院
那怕他考多一个A就有些学院会开始给奖学金或学费折扣了
坦白说交全学费不是大问题，至少暂时不是
问题是他依旧同样的态度在过日子
同样的态度去面对大学先修班，就只会得到和中学同样差的结果，唉…
不知道他几时才会清醒？

就是那么令人心累的孩子，唉～
如今将住在他州的宿舍，圆了他总是吵着要离开“不知道什么鬼的家”的梦
让他去吃苦吧，希望他会终于懂事长大

爸爸也在烦着呢
公司这几年不断裁员
最新的这一轮迟迟还不公布
就这样悬着，令人不安
这几年太多次了
真的已经非常厌倦

生活很累
向往天国
到时见吧，小天使

心语细述 |系列|

New era

A new era has begun.

Aptly, with the beginning of June.

If all goes as planned, then this will be for four years span.

The era of peace and quiet in the house has come.

No more harmony-ruining shouting matches because of inappropriate behaviours, actions or inactions due to defective attitude and the lack of self-discipline.

No more empty promises and insincere apologies without rectifying actions.

No more swearing and cursing disregarding the discomfort of other family members and neighbours.

No more slob leaving things everywhere for others to pick up and clean up.

No more revolting dirty dishes from perfunctory washing to stain the other clean dishes and induce food poisoning.

No more waiting for the forever slowest and last one out.

Here's hoping the era or peace, harmony and positive energy will be the new norm.

Other |sane side| category entries.