Potato mode on

Public holiday on Monday, took half day off today to make it a 3.5 days long weekend.

Only I worked till 3+pm, albeit with a lunch out with family. Oh well.

It has been a busy week, busy entertaining managers who came to visit. So very little time for actual work, just attending meetings and made several presentations.

And antisocial me went to two dinners on consecutive evenings, primarily because had meetings until 5:30pm so I would be stuck in horrible traffic anyway, so might as well, but also because these are direct managers so I think I should show face.

Anyway, that's over now, and it has been a really tiring week, hence I welcome the break.

So heads up, potato mode is on! Don't contact me for work related matters, and don't contact me if we are not close, I have used all my social quota for several weeks.

Other |hyped up heads up| category entries.

No, thank you

The worse than usual depression. Energy draining.

The elusive cooling solution despite my many attempts. The mounting sense of failure.

The frustration and limitation of the computing resource. Waste of my time and effort. Swear inducing.

The additional work required for a title I do not care about. The dread of even more work and exposure that I could do without if I got the title. Lose-lose.

Ultimatum on elder son's phone addiction. Fall out. As if there is not enough negativity already.

The timesink of preparing for management visit, and bigger timesink for the many meetings to attend. Rather be working.

Dad's biopsy, and then the results. Distressing even at normal time. Now when I can barely stay afloat, it's just...

Argh! The stress!!! Not sure if I can take any more.

So no, thank you. No more, please.

Other |sane side| category entries.

One way or another

As expected, elder son didn't put in any effort whatsoever and exceeded the average screen time limit goal of 4 hours.

In fact his average daily screen time is pretty much his recent usual, between 6 to 7 hours. This is the recent average, as the duration has been increasing over the weeks, he started around 4 hours.

Also as expected, his reaction to the consequence of his action is his usual anger, instead of bearing responsibility. The usual angry words and blaming others to shred accountability.

I knew by his response when I gave him gentle reminders throughout the week that instead of putting in the effort to improve himself, he was trying to cheat the system, thinking to trade smaller amount of penalty with bigger amount of over-usage.

If only he uses his smart on improving himself, because instead of a fixed penalty that he thought, it's actually a reactive system based on his actual screen time, meaning the time he went over the limit will be 'paid' in the following week in the form of days without phone. The numbers will all be derived from his previous week's screen time. So in essence, his action will determine his consequence.

When he finally realised it's a reactive system and not something he can cheat, he went through his usual tantrum. Yes, seventeen years old with tantrum.

Well, it's about time he faces the consequence of his own action.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

Wandering

If I ever not have to worry about finance, if I had enough money for the whole family to live comfortably without needing to work, then I would most likely spend my time writing.

There are several stories in my mind. None of them complete, all half-cooked, and will stay that way unless I actually have long stretch of undisturbed time to start writing them down, to flesh them out, to have uninterrupted train of thought, to evolve into full stories.

I don't have that luxury, I barely manage to go through the week without working overtime and still have deliverables meeting my own standard. The reality is I have to work overtime every so often. Like today, a public holiday, but I need to work to ensure I can get things done, because too many meetings this week that waste my working hours.

So the stories remain in my mind, and every so often some new ideas or story arc will pop up, adding to the stories. My mind has been wandering more the usual these few days, hence this entry, and the piecemeal notes I scribbled down.

Initially wanted to have a short paragraph on the ideas that popped up these few days, but they are too fragmented, and I don't have the time to organise them and flesh them out into something that make sense.

Oh well, perhaps something to do when I retired.

Other |flickering fling| category entries.

Diablo IV fourth season

The fourth season for Diablo IV, named Loot Reborn, has begun a few days ago.

For season three, I managed to reach max character level 100 with my Bone Spirit Necromancer, and completed all chapters of season three journal, albeit not all the quests of all chapters as I gave up on bosses that one shot me.

Unlike the previous three seasons, season four: Loot Reborn is about quality of life improvement. Items are simpler to sort through now, decision is a lot more straight forward as items pretty much only drop with "useful" statistics. Doesn't mean everyone will be the same now though, as customisation is done through the new Tempering and in end game, the Masterworking systems, which let the players choose what they want to add to their items, of course with the usual RNG and limit on number of attempt so players will keep looking for more loot.

Codex of Power is totally reworked, the new system is so much better! Gone are the days where we hoard items with useful or max statistics enchantment, or filled our stash with the extracted version. The best version of any enchantment is saved in Codex of Power now, and can be repeatedly imprinted to our item. This is such a wonderful change!

Helltide is available in all world tiers in this new season, with changes made to it that made it more fun and a fantastic place to power-level. We can jump straight in at level 1. Also there is the Iron Wolves questline that is tied to Helltide.

Mount can be spurred to run faster in towns now as well. No idea why they didn't allowed it in the first place.

I am having fun thus far with my Barbarian. As usual, hope I have sufficient game time to complete the season journal, and experience the new end game.

Other |geeky gaming| category entries.

忌日

一点点的心意。对不起。谢谢你。想念你。

心语细述 |系列|

Resistance is futile

Manager set up a 1:1 meeting yesterday, initially I thought it was our monthly meet up, but it wasn't.

Let me put it up front that I sincerely appreciate my manager's acknowledgement of my worth, and her persistence in advancing my career path even when I am indifferent. She is a wonderful manager.

The meeting was her attempt to convince me to go for a career advancement, something she had tried and I had turned down since a couple of years ago.

Honestly I am just not into this kind of thing, I don't derive job satisfaction from title or grade. It will only give me more responsibilities which for someone who wants a simple life, is not really appealing.

I am just 'soggy mud' without high aspiration, perfectly fine with working in the background contributing to the best of my capability. I am not fond of networking, I don't really want more responsibilities, because knowing my personality, I would burn out myself to fulfill tasks until they meet my own standard. And I am getting too old for that.

But I said yes. Well, yes for her to put my name in her nomination list.

The way I figured is that my manager will probably keep asking me every year, so I may as well go through the process once and be done with it, one way or another. After all, there is no guarantee that I will pass the selection.

Guess I will cross that bridge when I come to it, whichever bridge that is.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

泪

看着《哥吉拉-1.0》，也不是什么悲伤的情节时段，但就是突然鼻子一酸，眼泪涌了出来。

真的不知道为什么会这样，根本和剧情无关，但就是不能制止那情绪和鼻酸。

心里突然很委屈难过，压抑的忧郁悲伤一瞬间就随着眼泪爆发了出来，让我在房里独自哽咽。

还真的欢迎那情绪的释放，心里仿佛有好过一些些。

我不是常流泪的人，偶尔我还会怀疑自己到底还会不会流泪？因为就连母亲火化那天，心里那么的悲伤，眼泪却怎么都流不出来。

这次忧郁症把我整个人都搞得很不对劲了。

心语细述 |系列|

又一周

又到星期五。

不是工作狂，也不是不喜欢周末，只是感觉要做的工作很多，进展很慢，工作的时间不够用。

非常抗拒加时工作，所以尽量不加班。但就是有那么多要做的工…

幻想复制多几个自己来并行工作，同时建不同的热流模型和分析完成的模拟来决定应该跑的下一个模拟。但也会联想到都没有那电脑设施和资源，好像复制了也帮助不大。

无济于事的空想。

自己最近的状况也不好，这次的忧郁症比较严重。效率有受影响，整个人一直感觉不好、不对劲就是了。

也开始想下星期母亲的忌日想要做点什么，又不是很懂应该做些什么。

也会想到这星期天是母情节，这将是我第一个没有祝贺母亲的母亲节。

都是些沉闷压抑，令我忧郁的思维。

随兴随想 |系列|

Concentrated negativity

Imagine an indistinguishable, dense shadow with dark aura that is constantly diffusing to the surrounding.

And despite the apparent diffusion, the dark aura doesn't reduce the density of the shadow. The core remains bleak and foreboding.

Any light is swiftly extinguished when it comes into contact with the shadow core, being engulfed and devoured.

At the core resides despair, despondency, concentrated negativity. A blackhole that sucks away all the joy, happiness, and anything good. Often leaving only a hollow husk.

If I were to describe how depression is like for me, that would probably be it.

Other |sane side| category entries.

心灰意冷

烂泥扶不上墙。帮不了自以为是、自我放弃的人。

要学会放开，才能活得顺心。

不能完全不见，只好努力视而不见。反正他早已经当我没到，我只需要同样对之而已。

不用妄想他懂得敬老尊贤，只求他不要满嘴脏话和流氓态度。就是做人的基本礼貌而已，没有什么过分要求。

早已经不存期望，只求他能够自力更生，不要成为累赘。对社会没有贡献也没关系，只求他不犯法、不要成为社会的问题。

为了我自己的健康，我需要放弃这自我放弃、不听忠言的孩子。

心语细述 |系列|