Ball curse

I think I am cursed.

As far as I can remember, whenever I play a hand ball sports, for example, basketball, volleyball, captain ball, dodgeball, any ball sports that uses the hands in direct contact with the ball, my finger or fingers would get hurt.

Without fail. Like clockwork.

>_<

What kind of curse is this?

Even though I found out just how unfit I am nowadays, and my left pinky is like a bloated sausage now, I thoroughly enjoyed the captain ball game today. ^_^

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

命

为什么，一直都只追求简单的生活、简单的快乐，但生活却偏偏变复杂、烦恼重重？

唉，我这命…

随兴随想 |系列|

Diablo Immortal, eleven weeks in

Have been playing Diablo Immortal since it arrived for Asia Pacific, slightly more than eleven weeks ago.

Many call it a 'pay to win' game, I have no dispute there. It's just that I belatedly realised it's not simply 'pay to win', because it's more like 'pay to get a chance to win'.

It's still down to random number generator, so it's luck. It's gamble.

Those who sunk a lot of money in do get to see the power gap between them and those who choose to play free. It's a whitewash most apparent in PvP content.

So in other words, it sucks for those who choose 'free to play' in those content, because skill matters little. Them 'pay to win' whales will just steamroll the 'free to play' players.

I was about to stop playing my first character and be done with the dull daily grind that achieve very little in progression when I was recruited into an active clan that eventually became the Immortal. That brought some new contents for me to experience and kept me playing the last few weeks.

But eventually the novelty wore off and it's the crappy grind all over again. I am not surprise at all that so many people quit, it's very apparent from the clan membership.

I have started another character simply because I like to play all the classes from scratch, but I am not sure if I can bear the dreadful grind over and over again.

Game with this kind of business model is not for me.

Comparatively, Diablo III season 27 has started and even though I pretty much only play Diablo III once or twice in the weekend, I have made meaningful and tangible progress on the season journal. I am already more than half way through! That kind of grind is a lot more satisfying and fulfilling.

Other |geeky gaming| category entries.

Rubber duck squeak

The previous hamster, Snowball, was deaf, so while not dumb, it seldom made any sound. Can count with one hand the number of times I heard it made any sound.

The current hamster, Cocoa, is neither deaf nor dumb, but it is rather quiet. It does squeak, just not often.

Still cannot tell whether it's a happy sound or a frustrated, angry sound when it squeaks. I am still amazed that tiny body can make such a sound.

It's not exactly like, but the first thing that comes to my mind every time Cocoa squeaks is the rubber duck sound.

Don't really know how else to describe it.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

Win?

I didn't worked during the four days break, which usually is a win in my book.

Perhaps I should say I didn't do any actual productive work during the break, because I did turned on the laptop and tried to get some work done. I just didn't managed to get any actual work done.

Tried the first two days, but I lack the energy and the mood, the depression is hitting hard this round. I didn't even bothered trying on the last two days.

I know I will be stressed when I resume work, I will not be able to deliver since not having anything done in the four days break, but I am just... down.

The sense of lethargy, the lack of energy and enthusiasm, the constant low mood.

I am definitely not feeling well.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

Drama

My elder son is an egocentric person. The world is supposed to revolve around him and everyone and everything should follow and bend to his wants and whims. He is a drama king as well, exaggerates and magnifies things out of proportion.

Unfortunately, his sense of responsibility and time management skill need a lot of improvement, but being egocentric, he thinks he is perfect so there is no real effort to change.

He has rather short fuse too, and lacks anger management. In anger, he can say seriously nasty and hurtful things. And he shouts a lot.

My wifey loves to watch drama, primarily Korean and Chinese dramas lately, she can go through them incredibly fast. Being a mother, naturally she cares about her children, and their shortcomings grated her. Her fuse is not very long and her voice volume is not low.

The attitude and behaviour of my elder son often causes blood to boil, resulting in heated drama between him and his mother. To be honest, I often feel like slapping some sense into him.

Anyway, I was woken up by the shouting match downstairs this morning. Another drama, one of the many reoccurrences. At times it feels like it's a daily thing, often it's a few dramas in a day.

This will not change until someone changes, either the son starts to behave, or we no longer care about him.

So my simple, quiet and peaceful life is ever eluding. Instead, I get these dramas.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

累

这几天，生活只有累。

就是累。

身躯、精神、心灵、思维，由内到外都是累。

低能量、低情绪、低睡眠素质、低精力。

整个人都感觉不好，唉…

好累。

心语细述 |系列|

Hello cave

Hello cave, it has been a while.

Almost think that I am done with depression, but you come knocking again. Oh well.

It's interesting to note that I am pretty sure I know what triggered this bout. I never really know what triggered the previous depression bouts, but I am fairly certain I know for this time.

So it seems like the sense of hopelessness and helplessness can be a trigger for depression, and not just as an effect of depression.

Sorry mommi, I am not a good son. I cannot handle it.

It breaks me.

Other |sane side| category entries.

心的频道：第四加一个

两天前收到电邮，告知公司觉得我和其他同事呈上的一个发明概念很有价值，所以会给我们一笔奖励金。

我们是希望公司会申请专利的，但公司觉得不让其他竞争对手知道有这个发明会对公司比较有利，所以不申请专利，而是把它列为商业机密。

虽然给的奖励金和给专利的是一样的数额，但其实我比较在乎的是那专利才有的牌匾。商业机密就没有牌匾了，唉…

钱花了就没有了，牌匾是很好的记念嘛。我这金鱼记忆的人觉得这些帮助记忆的东西很有意思和价值。

欸，我第一个专利的牌匾到现在都还没有发给我，都快两年了，真是的。

第四个专利是两个月前的事，老实说我没有期望今年会再获得专利的了，毕竟最近都忙着在做同时进行的两个项目，没有时间做发明。这刚得的商业机密，是前阵子帮助其他部门的同事解决他们遇到的一些难题后，他们把那解决方式呈上去的。不是我的发明概念，我就只是帮忙验证和优化而已。

当然，我的确是没有得到新的专利，我还是只有四个专利，只是现在多了一个商业机密。

怎么都好，我是感恩的，谢谢把我也加入的同事。

心的频道 |系列|

Top student?

One of the closest buddies from the high school gang who married another very close friend in the gang came back to town for vacation.

Two close friends known back in high school time. Warms my now antisocial heart seeing the familiar faces.

They brought their triplets over to play in the swimming pool. Since I was not on vacation, I was working when they came over and didn't joined them.

We did had dinner together though. It's good to catch up.

I think we were talking about how I decided history is not my cup of tea, since my goldfish memory is definitely not a strength, nor is it conducive to history subject.

I actually made a conscious decision to let go of the history subject in the last two years of my high school, and put my effort in the other subjects that do not rely on memory.

Back then history was not a compulsory subject that needs a passing credit for further tertiary education. I didn't failed the subject anyway, despite not putting in any real effort, guess I was lucky.

Anyway, it's when we were on this topic that the lady friend mentioned I was a top student. For which I was quite taken aback.

I have never been a top student. I have been above average, managed to stay within the top 20% of my bacth throughout the high school years. The best I managed was 6%, for a single year only, the rest of the years I was within the 10% to 17% range.

So no, I have never considered myself a top student. There were many very smart people in my batch. If the school put us in classes by straight ranking, then I would have been in the second class. Well, maybe except that one year when I was in the 6%.

A surprising revelation for me, never thought there is this perception of me being top student.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

To be or not to be

That's the question.

Really just want a simple, peaceful and quiet life.

Work to live, I don't live to work.

I am grateful that my job is giving me satisfaction, that's icing on the cake. Still doesn't change the fact that I work for the salary to maintain my family, not because I love to work.

It's not that I am ungrateful for the recommendation and opportunity. It's just that I know myself, my sense of responsibility, and that damnable perfectionist.

I already have severe lack of work/life balance as it is, do I really want to make it worse? Is it worth it?

Do I want to go down that path?

Other |sane side| category entries.