驴子

完稿于二零一九年七月七日。

驴子啊驴子，

安守本分吧。

除了赚钱养家，

你什么都不是。

言行举止间散发的讯息，

告诉你你是不必要的伴侣、

可有可无的父亲，

供给钱之外一个莫须有的存在。

你在乎的、需要的、求保持的，

穷你一直重复倾诉告知，

依旧日复一日的被漠视，

被敷衍、被遗弃。

你努力挽留最初的那一切美好，

只是你独自的憧憬。

唯一的改变，

就是离初衷越来越远。

曾经会主动为你准备爱心早餐，

现在一杯饮料都是强其所难。

曾经无话不说的倾心对象，

现在是无话可谈的一道墙。

以前有自己，然后有你，

现在有自己，然后孩子和手机。

不必去无济于事的争辩，

因为心变当然有理由和借口。

绝对肯定是你的错。

是你的自私、你的不体谅、

你的不称职、你的差劲无能、

你过分的要求、你固执的坚守初衷。

什么相爱相守，

什么携手终老的誓言。

童话里果然都是骗人的，

你相信了莫忘初衷，你就自讨苦吃。

连最亲近的人都不能谈心和依靠，

是令人无力的彷徨无助，

是彻底失落的孤独，

是令人质疑为何在一起的负面黑洞。

驴子啊驴子，

除了你的责任，你什么都不要想。

什么梦想、渴望、需求，除了你没人在乎，

已没有以前的你们，只有你独自的执着。

心语细述 |系列|

Revisiting classic Tristram

Elder son is done with his primary school exams, and I thought it's time for him to play some real game instead of all those craps he is playing.

Time for him to play Diablo.

The classic to start with, perhaps Diablo II later, but most likely not Diablo III since that's online only.

first unique item! Though not useful for a sorcerer

While I have a genuine copy of Diablo, the computer he uses is a NUC without a CD player, so I went through the trouble of getting the game to work for him.

Blizzard should really provide some legit solution for playing this classic game on modern computer without CD player, instead of all the third party hacks and tweaks that I need to use.

Oh well.

It's working and he is a happy gamer. =)

first unique monster encountered

Since my World of Warcraft subscription has ended, I decided to indulge myself replaying this classic as well.

So I can answer his barrage of questions better as well, hehe. =P

I am still not impressed

I have always been more inclined towards intelligence and dexterity based character in role playing game instead of strength based, more like the real me I suppose.

So I created a sorcerer and delved right in!

ooh! Useful unique item for a sorcerer!

Love the ambient, the feel, the pace of the game.

Perhaps it's Warcraft for the others, but for me, this is the game that solidified Blizzard position in my heart.

may the spirit of Arkaine protect me

Nostalgia aside, I am really enjoying the game.

Will play through with rogue and warrior as well, and also to play on higher difficulties.

cursed item, keeping in case I want to play a Beyond Naked Mage

So, there are two happy gamers in the house now, hehe!

this unique item's name is the inspiration for my first online RPG alias

Other |geeky gaming| category entries.

Coward

Band-aid instead of solution.

Knowing full well nothing was done to resolve the underlying issue.

No promise. No action.

Just... gave up in a sense.

Opted for the easy way out.

Prepare to be slammed again.

In a twisted and morbid sense hoping that the next reoccurrence I would be sunk so deep, pushed so far that I would end it.

Or myself.

I am weak, such a coward.

Other |sane side| category entries.

Bliss?

Finally got out of bed in the afternoon.

I sure did showed my respect to weekend, by sleeping in.

Though unintentionally.

Just no real motivation to be up really.

Psychology says those who sleep a lot are likely because they are sad.

Usually I would just rebuke and say that sleeping is my hobby, but unfortunately it's true now.

Damn right I am sad.

All these years working my butt off providing for the family amounted to nothing.

Just inadequate, insufficient, way short of her expectation.

I thought we are living the life we wanted, that we have enough.

Not sure since when, she changed, and this is no longer what she wants.

More, a lot more is what she wants now.

So yea, life sucks.

Big time.

Lost my drive, for what's the point?

So let me sleep, or let me lost myself in virtual game world.

Happier place, them.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

Hanging on

When being hung out to dry, it's either hanging on to whatever within grasp, or hanging up.

So thank goodness for computer games and virtual game world.

An escape, a lifeline, a sanctuary.

Better than being in the real world.

For my meaningless life.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

May karma hit you hard

To the soulless jerks and crooks that are responsible for this annual haze, you are oxygen wasting piece of shit.

Those who jeopardise the health and lives of surrounding nations on an annual basis for their own gain are without a doubt without conscience.

Be it the business owners in crime, the government crooks, or other parties that are involved in this atrocity, you are all pinnacle of selfishness and idiocy.

You are a despicable shame to humankind.

I sincerely wish and hope that karma will deal you an extremely horrid one that corresponds to the cumulative sufferance of all living creatures your action caused.

And may it be soon.

Other |runaway rants| category entries.

何苦？

我现在的薪水的四倍。

那是她要的，认为可以满足她生活需求、未来养老、和让孩子们深造的收入。

当然有赚那么多钱的人，但应该只是少数吧？

其它的大多数，就注定要过得不开心、整天哀怨不满吗？

唉…

我没有那本事满足她的需求，只能说我差。

我拼命工作，还是远远不足。

已经不知道，还有什么值得拼命？

反正那是不实际的目标，为的只是要说服移民。

因为外国就是那么的好，在百货公司打工都可以比现在过得更好，赚更多的钱。

她是真心那么认为的。

不知道何时开始，我们要的生活已经不一样了。

她越来越不满、越来越不开心。

以前家里是笑声满满的、是明亮温暖的。

现在是怨气弥漫的、吵骂不断的，负能量超荷的。

家已不是避风港，而是更多的压力和心酸。

家已变成了另一个让我心烦心累的地方。

这么多年的努力工作养家，都是白费的。

真的，我又何苦？

她那么的讨厌自己的国家，留在这我做什么都无谓。

现在整天看她那脾气模样已够心寒，不走她要的路，我必定痛苦一世人吧？

移民了就算我们过得更糟，她也会变回快乐吧？

是不是，毁了我这些年的功绩也在所不惜？

为何，会变成这样？

两头都是烂。

是不是，只有一个人生活，才能有简单的生活？

心语细述 |系列|

心的频道：分岔路

每个人都是独特的。

我常会开玩笑的说：“你是独特的，就像其他人一样。”

当然，我是用英文说的：“You are unique, just like everyone else.”

比较贴切这文章内容的，应该是独立思想。

因为，这世上还真的有很多盲目跟从羊群效应的人…

两个有独立思想的人在一起，当然有意见不合的时候，那很正常。

在一起生活，当然要互相容忍退让。

不一定要赞同，但要尊重别人的意见。

每个人有自己的观点和立场，对错不是每件事都是黑白分明的。

我爱老婆仔比她爱我多，所以多数时候都是我让着她。

以前的我们，是无所不谈的、是满足快乐的、总是能迁就妥协的。

但这次我们还真的是到了一个没有两全其美的分叉。

成全她，选择那条她认为她会得到满足快乐的路，代价是我认为我会活得压抑不满。

不选择她那条路，就是她每日的劣心情和无言的埋怨，其实也就是我的不快乐。

我想，结婚时承诺给她幸福快乐，我就应该牺牲自己。

再说，每天面对坏心情语气的她，我也一样不快乐。

怎么选择我都是不快乐了，能让她快乐至少还有一方是赢家，对吧？

可是，只是想想她要走的那条路我就已心灰意冷、苦涩厌倦。

一百万个不愿意。

唉，好累。

一把年纪了才来这样。

为什么要简简单单的生活那么难？

真的好累。

心的频道 |系列

"Vacation"'s over

It was a short working week last week, with Monday and Tuesday being replacement holidays for my company.

If I didn't had external training from Wednesday to Friday, I would most likely have taken the three days off as well, since Monday this week is a replacement holiday as well.

Take three days annual leave to enjoy a ten days break, nice deal really.

But I had training, so no ten days break for me.

However, compare training to working, especially since I resolutely refused to work once the training was over, was almost like a vacation.

So I had it easy for ten days, and now it's over.

So sad.

Back to the hectic work life tomorrow.

*Sigh*...

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

Dragon and phoenix

Many, many years ago, I got myself a drake mount in World of Warcraft after some mind-numbing reputation grind.

Got a few more drake mounts since then but of the less 'pretty' version, the one I grinded for has translucent wings and got nice light trail when in flight. =)

Blizzard gotta make money, so to make sure players keep paying the monthly subscription they have many of these tedious and absolutely not fun grinds.

Curse myself for being such a sucker, I recently decided I want to get the rare dragon and phoenix mounts.

Both of those mounts have very low drop chance in raid dungeons, meaning each character can only do it once every week for those not familiar with World of Warcraft.

Raid dungeons are meant for 10 to 25 level appropriate players. But the mounts I am eyeing for are in old content, meaning low level raid dungeons and I have several characters high enough level to be able to handle those raid dungeons solo.

Thus the grind began.

On my eleventh attempt I got the dragon mount, woohoo!

astral dragon mount

Oh ya, not just any normal dragon mount, but the starry translucent type.

Well, it's called the astral cloud serpent in the game but to me this is a dragon, the oriental version.

Still running the raid dungeon solo for the phoenix mount, currently seventeenth attempts.

Hope I can get it soon.

Other |geeky gaming| category entries.

Random behaviour for September 2019

I tried to maintain that 150 minutes exercise, well, walk really, resolution I set in May as a long term thing but eventually I lost it about mid of July, when workload cranked up again.

Did kept doing it for quite a few weeks though, with the following time per week, in minutes: (May) 171, 192, 220, 288, (June) 133, 139, 174, 164, (July) 169, 172, 63, 247, (August) 12, 118, 15.

So I have succeeded in my May resolution. feel good +1

Didn't set any impromptu resolution in June, neither in August. Good thing too, as August turned out to be a bad month, busier than July...

I did had an impromptu resolution for July, which I purposely didn't announce to avoid unnecessary grief.

My July's resolution was to keep my hair without the weekly shave for the whole month, which I succeeded (feel good +1) and learned that I can no longer tolerate my hair being longer than, say, 5 mm.

Goodness that was a hard month, I shaved as soon as the month has ended, even though it's not the weekend.

So I guess it's either bald or wig. =P

It's the last day of the four days long weekend, and since I haven't shaved my facial hair all these days, I am going to just keep them.

So, for September 2019, my impromptu resolution is: to keep my moustache and beard.

Because I can.

Other |flickering fling| category entries.