Random behaviour for December 2016, half way mark

Initially this was a comment for this month's impromptu resolution that I was composing on 16th of December.

When the comment got longer and longer I realised I should make this into an entry instead. So here I am, finishing the draft I started two nights ago.

Half way through the month, and I am already regretting this idea.

"To connect". I deliberately made it vague, but I know exactly what the resolution is about. It's about the emotional bank account.

And it's because of that face to face talk earlier in the month when a friend confided in me that triggered this resolution. It awakened something inside.

Probably also because I have been away from my usual colleague friends for many months, and I feel disconnected.

So I tasked myself to reach out, to show care and concern, to take the initiative to communicate, to connect. Trying to be like my good old self all those years ago...

And it's just so darn exhausting.

I don't remember how I did it way back then, where did I get all the energy? Where did I get all that capacity?

Or has that incident snapped something inside? Hardened? Frozen?

For I find I am no longer as tolerating as I was towards some of the friends I tried to reach out to. Those who take it for granted, those who do not appreciate. Me in the past would have stuck with it, but now I choose not to spend my time and effort on these people instead. Save myself the heartburn, the frustration.

So much easier being evil, being selfish with my time and effort.

Friends, quality over quantity for me.

I must be very used to being antisocial, all these reaching out and initiating communication is draining me. So exhausting.

I hope this will turn out being worthwhile.

Other |flickering fling| category entries.