Sad life

Work, eat, sleep, and the necessary bio breaks. Repeat.

That's my life for many days now.

Work days, weekends, public holidays, annual leave, whatever. Regardless, just repeat.

Sad, sad life.

Other |wretched workaholic| category entries.

四十九天

二零二三年七月二日，妈咪过世四十九天。

风俗习惯这些事，以往都是问妈咪的。所以要怎么守孝，根本没有头绪。

我只是觉得，我必须要守孝，所以在网上找了些资料参考。百度百科是这样解释的：尊亲过世后，服满以前，居住在家，断绝娱乐和交际，以示哀思。

一百天在家守孝，除非必须，不要外出旅游、探亲访友等，以免将自身的悲伤气息带给他人。尤其是婚礼、开业、庆祝小宝宝出生等喜事，最好不要参加。

披麻戴孝我就没有跟了。百日内穿白色，百日后穿黑色、蓝色等深色的衣服，忌讳穿红戴绿。

直系亲属去世第一年，春节忌讳贴红对联，不去给别人拜年。

能够做的我都会做，家人支持与否都没有关系，这是我和妈咪的事。

心语细述 |系列|

Survival meal

No, I didn't mean emergency ration.

I survived the involuntary headcount reduction round, so I had a meal to commemorate the occasion.

Since only I myself think it's a big deal, so I am the only one celebrating it.

I treated myself to a McDonald's value meal. Fitting, because that's what I am, the value meal. Not luxury, not fine dining, just bang for the buck value meal.

It's just a nicer way to say I am cheap labour. At work and at home.

So ya, I survived this round of headcount reduction. Hope I can survive the future ones too...

Someone has to be the breadwinner, being valued for it or not.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

一天一天过

我最近怎么样？

嗯，老实说我也不知道自己究竟是怎么样…

这次的忧郁症比较严重，每天都是低能量、低效率。感觉好累，还有就是麻木。

今天公假，我加时工作了三个小时半，但效率很差。明天拿了假，和接着的周末，我应该都会加时工作。

我不好，状况很差，但工还是要做，日子还是要过。

感谢问候和邀约，但我这样的时候不想要见人，希望能够理解。

过几天就是守孝四十九天，或许那过后再开始网上的桌面游戏吧？

嗯，我不好，但日子还是要过。我就是这样一天一天的过…

心语细述 |系列|

Gotta note this down

I went to look for my university books today, pretty much untouched since after I unpacked the shipment from England all those years ago, gathering dust in the home library.

Got the two I was looking for, and read a chapter or two looking for the stuff I need.

Well, not really need, more like looking for a sophisticated way to phrase the technical stuff I am going to share next week.

I already know what to share, and most likely will share in layman's terms so people can actually understand. But to prepare the material, I want something more formal. Gotta keep up the appearances, hehe. =P

And honestly, what's written in the books is sure to put the audience to sleep. Goodness, they just have to make it so hard to grasp, all the big words and technical terms in long sentences.

Wonder how I actually understand them all those years back, must have reread those sentences several times...

Whenever I present something nowadays, I pretty much never read the material I prepared verbatim, I just give the gist of it in as straight forward way as I can.

Anyway, just wanted to record this incident, that I actually read a technical book after graduating from university so many years ago.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

Respite?

Today my manager informed us that for our team, there are no one selected for the involuntary headcount reduction.

For many, that's a relief for months long anxiety.

Don't know the number of headcount lost for my department as a whole. That number has not be announced.

For my immediate team, we lost two. They opted for voluntary separation.

I supposed I felt relieved. Though to be honest, I felt mostly numb and knackered.

It's hard to feel anything when in deep depression, and the prevailing thought is: so, when is the next round of headcount reduction?

Ya, depression and negativity go hand in hand.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

疲累

感觉这一次，连续累了很多很多天。

是比较严重的忧郁症的关系？还是其它原因？

每天都很低的能量，对凡事缺乏兴致。

就是很累。

夜间也常常发梦，那种醒来还能记得自己刚发过梦，连续好几天了。而且总是和家人有关。

我真的好累。

随兴随想 |系列|