心碎

不为自己的言行举止负责任的大瓜，任性的自我。

推卸责任、扭转事实、强词夺理，来狡辩自己导致的后果、来自我感觉良好、来逃脱承担后果。

不为自己的前途做打算，不努力求学，全级最后一班仍旧自以为是的游手好闲。

不为自己的将来努力，要靠奇迹和好运来通过高中的政府考试。不懂得上进的烂泥，和不靠谱的人生计划。

又极端自我，不听别人靠谱的方式，仍旧坚持要用自己失败了四年的方式。自己没有自律管不好自己，反咬说是父母要控制、要约束。

把奖励变成理所当然，自己达不到自己定下的目标拿不到奖励就埋怨发脾气，怪在父母身上。

为了这孩子我竟然哭了，真的是对这孩子绝望了…

心语细述 |系列|

Sanctuary changed

Finally completed the main storyline of Diablo IV in world tier 1, with a level 43 sorcerer using frost spells. Took me long enough to do what others managed in matter of hours, heh. =P

Then again, I am no rusher, and I have limited time for gaming. Sad but true.

Lilith, the main character in the storyline

So many old characters returned, Diablo series has continuity! Then again, so many questions left unanswered...

At the end of Diablo III expansion The Reaper of Souls, all the Prime and Lesser Evils trapped within the black soul stone were presumably released, but we don't get to know what happened to all of them in Diablo IV. And what happened to Tyrael?

that's how my character looks like nearing the end of the main storyline

Guess we will have to wait until Diablo IV expansion.

soul stone with a trapped Prime Evil

Alrighty, the exploration of the whole Diablo IV map begins! And the side quests, and the altar hunt, and the classes, and...

Other |geeky gaming| category entries.

Sad dream

Woke up suddenly in the middle of the night with hammering heartbeat and a profound sense of sadness and frustration.

I don't often got woken up by a dream. Or perhaps I don't often remember being woken up by a dream. But this I do remember.

While there was disorientation with abrupt wakefulness from sleep, I don't consider it a nightmare, the piecemeal fragments of the dream I can still remember are not frightful.

It's a dream with only direct family members, in a house somewhere, where I had endless chores and laborious works, and that sense of dire consequences if I couldn't complete them.

The rest of the family were all doing some leisurely stuff, but none of them would help me, and ignored all my pleas. I was isolated and being totally ignored.

As the nature of dreams, I simply knew that I was just a lowly servant or slave. Also, in dreams, things just changed from one scene to another, one snapshot to another without the interim but somehow still seemed perfectly logical. So the next thing I remembered was feeling the unfairness, the horrible treatment, the pain and frustration.

And then I ran, away from the family, and they pursued. The chase ended with me on a rooftop, shouting and screaming with all my heart: "You all never listen! You all just ignore me!", but no voice came out. The frustration level must be unbearable then because that was when I woke up.

I couldn't really get back to sleep after that, though I can totally relate to that dream.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

Diablo IV has arrived

Diablo IV has officially arrived on 6th of June 2023.

For those with moola aplenty, it arrived a few days earlier. Since I cannot justify the extra cost just to play the game a few days earlier, as the other so called benefits do not interest me in the least, I joined those who only purchased the base package of the game and entered this fourth iteration of the world of Sanctuary on 6th of June.

Diablo I is the game that got me into playing computer game more seriously, so I am a loyal fan of the Diablo game series. Yes, including the disgrace that is Diablo Immortal which I am more than happy to leave behind now that Diablo IV is here.

As I am in for the long haul, I am playing it a lot slower compared to when I had only a few days to play during the beta. Life circumstances are not conducive to gaming recently anyway, busy with work, family issue, depression...

yes I know, I took this screenshot in beta but just had to take another because it's awesome

Really it's only after lunch today (as was working overtime in the morning) that I got some worthy amount of game time in, and finally completed Act 2 of the main storyline. I am leaving the side quests, dungeons, map exploration, Lilith altar hunting, et cetera, to after I have completed the main questline.

Lilith, holding a soulstone, in one of the cut scenes in Act 2

Well, a bit of spoiler here so stop reading if you don't want to see any spoiler regarding the storyline. *SPOILER warning!*

Coming a full circle of soulstone in the head nearing the end of the main questline in Act 2. The cut scenes brought back fond memory of Diablo I.

That's my progress so far, will play on my own pace to complete the main storyline and then see what hits my fancy, be it any of those activities mentioned earlier, starting another class, or going all the way to max level. I am in no rush, I intend to play the game for years to come.

Other |geeky gaming| category entries.

十七年

小天使，今年爸爸特别早就开始想你
因为奶奶也去天国了
爸爸在守孝，悼念奶奶

爸爸现在状况很不好
忧郁症属于比较严重的一次
得不到家人的呵护关爱

家已不是爸爸可以休息充电的避风港
那个令人头疼、烦恼、伤心的大弟弟
不懂事又自以为是，而且越来越没有礼貌，像个流氓

很多东西讲了又讲，讲个寂寞
妈妈也是那样…
所以家里不和谐、不安宁、不温暖

爸爸很累，真的很累
开始有想要放弃的念头
太累了，这样的生活，这样的家庭

你可要在天国好好的哦
保佑你的妈妈和弟弟们
陪陪奶奶

我以后天国和你们相聚。

心语细述 |系列|

Hello cave

Hello cave...

This depression bout is a bad one. For some reason I just know it.

The constant family frictions are just adding to it. That's the sad and helpless part.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

温柔体贴

羡慕那些情人老婆仔用客气有礼、面带笑容、欢喜快乐的语气对话的人。

应该就是我以外的其他全部人吧？也许惹怒她时的大瓜也是例外…

讲了很多次，但我始终还是不配那样的对待，而只有专属给我的烦躁不悦、粗声劣语、不耐烦的语气。

不知道究竟应该怎么做，我才可以获得她对其他人讲话时的态度和语气？

就是不能对我好声好气的吗？为什么总把最差的留给我，最好的给别人？我就只有做出气筒的份吗？

我也需要关怀，和你的温柔体贴的啊…

心语细述 |系列|