28 July 2019

随兴随想


(一) 不一样的感觉

上星期五参与了公司回馈社会的活动,到一间中学帮忙整理打扫什么的。

选择了些粗重的的劳工,让很久没好好运动的身体动一动,流些汗。

也是部门的团队建设活动所以之后也有个自助餐。

自助餐后活动就结束了,是应该回到公司去工作的。

我原本打算餐后就走人的,回家冲个凉然后在家里工作。

但应该是最近工作忙得有点厌倦,感觉非常叛逆,那天一点也不想再做工了。

所以我这反社会的人竟然丧心病狂式的跟一群同事去唱歌。

不是很熟悉的同事嘞,我真的是疯了…

还没开声的第一首歌就成全了我折磨他们耳朵的承诺,呵呵!

发现他们比较偏向独唱,比较少合唱。

跟那班我常常一起唱歌的神经病们(昵称)很不同咯…

感觉不一样。

是因为还不熟呢?还是就是每组人各有风格?

怎么都好,如果下次还和这班同事去唱歌的话,一定要好好练过才行,别再这样临时决定,什么都没准备的。

他们每个独唱到那么好,搞到我就是去折磨他们也很不好意思咯…

-----

(二) 小庆幸

原本今天要洗车的。

但早上看天阴阴的,想起上次洗车的经验,和中午需要开车出去的打算,想必老天爷又要「玩野」。

所以放弃没洗。

结果一整个早上雨都没下。

午餐时也没下。

就在我吃完午餐上了车,才启动引擎,雨点就来了。

你看,我就知道!

还是那种不大不小必定弄脏车的雨。

真的,就是这样「衰款」的!

嗯,我们要有感恩的心,所以…

虽然车真的是蛮脏了,但我感觉庆幸没有像上次那样前工尽废。

虽然淋了那样的雨也没什么影响,我也庆幸是我上了车雨才开始下。

感恩。



随兴随想 |系列|


25 July 2019

心的频道:原则


一年多前就起了这初稿,一直都没有好好整理和上载。

原因很简单:不想敏感的人误会,引起不必要反应、不必要困扰。

因为有些人可以很小气、有些人可以很长气。

有些人很自以为是、自认清高,有如我,呵呵!

但今天我感觉邪恶,所以决定上载这文章。

这篇文章只是我个人的观点。

(呃… 整个部落格都是我个人的观点!)


原则,我们言行举止的准则、做人处事的底线。

有社会群体普遍的共识,也有因人而异的定义。

因人而异,因为每个人的层次不同、境界不同。

我们不一样。


原则,当然有打破的时候,因为我们不是圣人或神仙。

(至少我不相信圣人或神仙会看到这篇文章…)

每个人承受的能力、意志的强度、坚持的韧性不同。

重要的是,有竭尽所能的去遵守你的原则先吗?还是一遇到困难、阻拦、诱惑就放弃?

很真诚的告诉自己,打破了原则,心里是煎熬难受,还是舒服庆幸?


如果你的原则随着处境而改变,基本上,对旁人来说你是没有原则的。

因为旁人不知道你的底线几时又会改变,你几时又会为了让自己好过而改变原则。

要知道有时候我们遵守原则,是会让生活变糟糕的,但心里我们是舒畅的,因为没有违背了自己的准则和良心。

如果你违背了原则心里不是煎熬难受的,我想,那根本就不是你的原则。

可能它只是你为了社会群体中的关系而强行遵守的约束而已。


改变是唯一的不变,改变是必然的。

但我们改变也要衷于我们的原则。

求的是改变情况处境来符合我们的原则,而不是改变原则来符合问题处境。

因为后者,其实就是没有原则。



心的频道 |系列


23 July 2019

Spark?


Finally, after trying in vain for five days straight, including the weekend as the unfortunate norm lately, a spark of hope.

All the failures, stress and frustration prior to this. All the time and effort.

Final-freaking-ly, a model that works.

Not saying I have the solution as yet, but at least my tool is ready.

Now at last I can move on to finding the solution, for of course the original design is far from meeting the requirements.

Of course it is problematic, else that would be too easy.

I have learned from experience that it's almost always anything but easy.

Yea, work...

Dare I hope that this is the spark that prefaces a change for the better?

Goodness knows I could use one.



Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.


20 July 2019

心的频道:尖酸刻薄


我有低俗廉价的品味,不会欣赏最近突然被炒得轰轰烈烈的珍珠奶茶。

珍珠奶茶已经存在那么多年了啦,这些人是怎么了?

也不只是珍珠奶茶啦,很多那些引起羊群效应的东西,我都不能理喻。

好像前阵子新开的那一个家俱分店那样…

老实说还真有点自认清高的鄙视那些随波逐流、从众跟风心理的人。

对我来说,都是新厕所效应,那些怕输爱显,深怕不跟风就会落伍的羊群涌着去打卡,然后上载社交媒体告诉全世界他们很潮、很 in、很跟得上时尚潮流。

对不起啦,我就是那么 out 和那么 low,呵呵!

每个人有自己的价值观,对我来说一杯奶茶是两块钱以下才物有所值的,加上一些“珍珠”也该是四块钱以下吧?

毕竟自己是低俗廉价的,不能理喻那些高尚富裕的人的思维。

通常我都冷眼旁观,心里暗笑讽刺,如此而已。

但今天我真的是特别尖酸刻薄,自己都觉得自己的讥讽指数超标了啦!

哈哈哈!


温馨忠告:

不要在乎别人怎么想、怎么讲,要有独自的思维和价值观。

觉得有价值就去做,觉得没价值就别去做,不要被旁人左右。

我们要为自己而活,不是为了别人而活。

这篇文章只是我个人的观点。



心的频道 |系列


18 July 2019

Sucker +3


Arrived office car park: 06:39 hours.

Left office car park: 20:49 hours.

Worse than yesterday.

Sucker level three in such short period of time.

Absolutely disgusting, horrible, shameful.

I would say life sucks, but there is currently no life.

For this is not living.



Other |runaway rants| category entries.


17 July 2019

Sucker! Part deux


One week after I wrote that sucker entry, I pulled a thirteen hours work day.

In the office, straight, without leaving since I arrived in the morning.

Closer to fourteen hours than thirteen really but take away my super efficient breakfast and lunch in the cafe it's about right.

Eating alone is very time efficient.


Arrived before sunrise, left when sun was well set.

Bollocks!

All I saw was darkness.

Yes, I meant more than the lack of light.

Dark time indeed.



Other |runaway rants| category entries.


14 July 2019

Heads up WoW players: free game time


I logged on my Battle.net application without any real reason today, just something I do on and off to keep the games up to date, even though I haven't been gaming for a while now.

I have even started thinking that it's about time I set myself a resolution to play game, you know, being a self-proclaimed gamer and all that...

But given the crazy workload lately, I know I will just fail miserably so that resolution is delayed.

Anyway, after I logged on, I got a notice saying I have a free gift so I checked it out, seems like I have three days free World of Warcraft game time, which will expire end of July.

I should be thrilled, free game time!

In a sense I am happy to get this free gift, but I didn't immediately claim it since I know I will probably just manage to get in a few hours of gaming out of the three days and waste the rest.

Guess I am just not in the right condition to make the most of the free game time, with the depression on going, and the amount of workload I have nowadays...

But hey, free game time is free game time, it's a good thing. Thank you Blizzard, please do more of this.

World of Warcraft players on hiatus, this is a public service in case you are not aware, go grab it quick.



Other |hyped up heads up| category entries.


13 July 2019

又一季


刚看完这一季「奔跑吧」的最后一集。

就像看韩国的 Running Man 一样,少了 Gary 后总觉得少了什么的,不再是原来的节目了的那感觉。

同样的,中国版的少了那几位老成员,我对它的喜爱就不如前了。

应该是因为那熟悉的大家庭成员们之间的互动是吸引我的一个重要因素吧?

熟悉的大家庭散了,感觉就不一样了。

当然,还是追看,还是有笑有感动。

就是有那淡淡的若有所失,和那这不再是以前那我喜爱的节目了的感觉。

总之就是不一样了啦,嗯…

怎么都好,又一季完了。

又要等一年了。

显…



随兴随想 |系列|


10 July 2019

Sucker!


Work/life balance in this new department is a joke.

At least for me.

Told myself enough is enough, that I cannot keep using my personal time to work because of unrealistic workload, that it will only make the others think I can still handle the workload and continue to pile it on.

So I stopped staying in the office to work when it's time to go home, and stopped going in to work in the weekend.

But being the sucker that I am, I remotely connect to my workstation to work from home after working hours instead.

Every freaking day, including weekend.

I am such a sucker, I am totally ashamed of myself.

Really have to just fish and duck it and let go.



Other |runaway rants| category entries.


07 July 2019

Dark thoughts


Wrote a sane but heavy entry on my current emotional and psychological state, while brutally real, I don't think posting it would do any good, so I withheld and archived it.

It's a cruel world we live in, what's real and true matters not.

Wanted to write something else, started on another weekend project entry about PC clean up and toilet repair, but ended up writing about all these instead, guess I just couldn't get out of that state.

So be it.

Hopefully this will end up being a much lighter version of what I archived.


My emotional and psychological health is at a very bad place nowadays. I no longer see the use in reaching out because it does nothing, if it would help, it would already happened.

It's not like it's something new, I have been calling out often enough, only to deaf ears and been summarily ignored. Rinse and repeat.

My needs don't matter after all. Actually, could simply because I don't matter.

Oaths and promises have no meaning, no value, people just changed, like it or not.

What was doesn't matter, people don't stay true or consistent. Sad but true.

I suddenly can comprehend and understand why certain things could happen.

When basic wants and needs are continually sidelined and neglected, people either suffer in silence and solitude, or they seek alternative to survive, or to end it.

It could just be a matter of when it reaches the breaking point.

And it makes sense that people have different latitudes and tolerance levels before we break.

Some will break sooner, some later, some might never break but just go on living a sad and unfulfilled life.

Right?



Other |sane side| category entries.

  

04 July 2019

Bad place


Headache in the evening is pretty much a daily thing nowadays.

The poor quality of sleep, coupled with the insane workload.

That sense of "army of one", and not just in regards to work.

And my lousy stress management I suppose.


Physical health has been sliding, feel so unfit.

Mental and psychological health is definitely in a bad place now.

Reached out, but there is nothing to grip, no reciprocation.

Solitude has its price.

Guess I can only go deeper into my cave.



Other |sane side| category entries.