Recovering from Escape

Had group teambuilding event yesterday, we went to Escape theme park.

Full day of outdoor physical challenges and rides, my kind of fun teambuilding.

Definitely not the usual tummybuilding disguised as teambuilding, hehe.

So many things to do, so little time, and so lack of stamina and endurance.

We did the dry park in the morning, then the water park after lunch.

The water park requires proper attire, so I was in my swimming trunk, and forgot about sunscreen...

I never had nice body shape, but at least my muscles used to be more defined and toned, from the photos colleagues shared yesterday, it's clear that I am pretty out of shape.

Flappy, flimsy, saggy. >_<

Oh well, I do feel my age, losing the firmness, losing the endurance.

Anyway, after the physical exertion yesterday, I was expecting a full body ache today, and I am pleasantly surprised to find that I am pretty okay, just a bit sore on my left triceps.

The real pain and discomfort comes from the abrasion on my left collar left by the safety harness, and the sunburn!

I also have two abrasions on my left knuckle, which I have no idea when and how I got them, oh well.

So yea, sunburn! Ouch...

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

Anchor of my life

Twenty two years ago, at the beach in a light drizzle, we held hands and strolled under that purple and white stripes umbrella.

And we acknowledged each other, we acknowledged our relationship.

And our love blossomed.

Thank you, my dearest wifey, for accepting me as I was, and as I am.

And for weathering the storms and sharing the happiness together throughout the years.

We both know that I need you more than you need me, physically and emotionally.

You anchored me to shore, to safe haven.

Centring me on the right path, true direction, without restraining my freedom.

Pulling me back to surface when depression seeks to sink me under.

With your warm and welcoming, uncomplaining hugs.

Embracing my flaws and weaknesses, embracing my true self.

I would be lost without you.

So thank you, my love, let's have many, many more years to come.

Other |sane side| category entries.

有感而发：累

二零一八年八月二十六日。

已经不能记得，最后一次睡得一晚好觉是几时的事了。

烦人的事不断，怎么要过个简单平淡的生活也这么难？

不擅处理压力的我，加上比平时严重的忧郁症来袭，把我搞得很糟糕。

身心疲累。

很烂的心境。

负能量满满的。

对什么都失去兴趣。

总觉得自己的人生只剩十多二十年，怎么还是一事无成，过不到自己想要的生活？

我要求很过分吗？还是就是命中注定坎坷人生？

好累。

真的好累。

可不可以就一睡了之？

生活太累了。

有感而发 |系列|

Shame on me!

Why do I keep falling for the same trick?

Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

And I kept falling for the same thing, again and again, shame on me indeed!

Foolish me, don't be so gullible...

Don't be nice and keep giving people the benefit of the doubt, some people will not change.

If someone kept treating something as an afterthought, as a backup plan, as something to be routinely ignored and only warrants attention when it suits their whim, and casts aside when it's not, then that someone should be treated likewise in reciprocate.

Learn the lesson already, silly me!

Don't sustain the self-centred.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

Home Alone n+1

Can't believe I have to go back to 2013 to find a 'Home Alone' entry, did I miss some in my quick search?

Maybe I just didn't post them with the Home Alone title...

Anyway, home alone again.

This time it's tougher than usual, for I am in a bad depression bout.

I need the hugs. =(

*Sigh*

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

Never ending

I seems like I never recover from one depression when another bout hits.

That, or the normal recovered state is such a short duration that I simply do not notice it anymore.

Whatever, to me, it just feels like one depression after another, never ending.

So low on energy, so disinterest, so lifeless.

Such apathy.

So much negativity.

Come on, give me a break already...

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

Too good to be true

When something is too good to be true, then it has to be some kind of scam or there has to be some catch, right?

I think so, but at the same time I also hope it's just a genuine deal.

We are all susceptible to greed, I suppose.

Maybe just me.

Let's see how it turns out.

*Fingers crossed*

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

有感而发：人言可畏

二零一八年八月十日。

星期一早上，不认识的同事发给我一个即时短讯，问我是否有空通讯？

我一贯的以早安为开头回答可以，以为是常常会有的，有关热流或控制温度的问题。

对方问可不可以通话，我想可以免得打那么多字，就答应了。

结果，不是有问题求解决方案的询问，而是部门有空缺要请人的询问。

我是蛮意外的，但那时也觉得没差，就一个听听看是什么行情的心态。

我那心态没什么不对，知道自己有什么选择绝不是坏事。

坏是坏在，我那时是在办公室里，四周都是同事。

而且还是那些会没鉴证，就凭听到的半边对话开始传流言蜚语的同事。

办公室流言传开的速度真的不是开玩笑的…

不知道这星期是怎么搞的啦，星期二竟然又有另一个部门的同事找我说他部门有空缺要请人。

之前部门刚换上线老板时我就真的是在找看有没有出路换工，心灰了接受了做着的废工的一年后，根本就没有在找时就来这样，玩嘢啊？

真的，知道自己有什么选择绝不是坏事。

但是，那些流言蜚语绝对是坏事！

给老板听到了，我是老板也不会再给（他误以为）要离开了的下属好的工作表现评估啦！

我有不祥的预感。

可能，最后会变成是被逼着要离开的。

到时，那些同事是否还是当做全是个玩笑，一笑而过？

人言可畏。

有感而发 |系列|

That's a year ago

After the many "Please help, I have never logged in to any University services since I just learned of my username and don't know what my password is" emails, which got things moving towards getting my degree certificate but ironically still doesn't get me my password, I have finally handed in my form to graduate in absentia.

So if all goes smoothly, I should get my Master of Philosophy certificate in October. ^_^

But this entry is not about that long journey.

This is just one of the reasons for me to update my curriculum vitae, the other being the sudden interest in people contacting me for their job opening this week. Two in two days.

Hmm... why?

To be honest I am veli the blur about all this since last when I actually went seeking and asking about job opening, was more than a year ago, and after that I just assume it's the end of it.

With a lot of help from various colleague friends, I eventually figured some of it out though, that one of them is indeed from the contact a year ago, but the other is just out of the blue. I wonder how they found out? I have not been asking around lately, that's for sure.

Regardless, I am open to it, no harm finding out my options. Current job role and workload on the sucky side after all.

I hope the hiring side knows this selection process is mutual.

Anyway, I went and updated my CV, and only then I realised it's a year plus a month ago, July of 2017, when I last updated it.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

That's okay

There will be times when we need to put up a facade at work, masking the turmoil we are going through, because we are responsible adult, because of professionalism.

As I have said many times, some colleagues are just colleagues, some colleagues are also friends. And even among friends, there are different levels of closeness and kinship. Given my limited energy, I zealously guard who I spend it with.

We view and interact with others based on our own principles and beliefs, our own perception of good and bad, right and wrong. At times, our perceptions and opinions will be at odd with other's. That's okay, we are all unique.

We are all unique, just like everyone else. Sorry, I couldn't resist. =)

Anyway, those who want to understand the other's viewpoint will listen with an open heart, those who only want to push through their own view will loudly harp on regardless of what the others are saying.

Sometimes, there simply is no point to continue the conversation.

That's okay, we cannot force understanding. We have to believe that those who really do care, will try their best to understand, as for those who don't, why should we care whether they understand or not?

I am an introvert, I am antisocial, and I frequently suffer from depression. Social interaction is a drain of energy to me, and any observant person will notice that I am pretty low on energy lately.

So ya, social gathering with colleagues does not interest me in the least. Unlike those who feel relax at such occasion, it's actually a chore for me, where I have to expend energy that I already severely lack.

I do not believe in self-poisoning, and I do not find alcohol-addled mind and behaviour amusing. Also, regardless of who is paying the bill, a restaurant that inflates the price of a Coke six times over offends my sensibility. I am sure there will be people who still find the value in that, but I am not one of them, and I don't want to be one who supports this kind of business ethics.

Anyway, whatever, I don't expect most to understand, and that's okay.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

Random behaviour for August 2018

Like I said a few days after starting my July's impromptu resolution, the real challenge comes from weathering the ridicules and jibes about wearing the beret.

So predictable, human nature.

Anyway, I soldiered on through the month, I even included the times when I went out in the weekends instead of just to work. So ya, I aced it. feel good +1

This month's impromptu resolution is really an impromptu idea. I was actually contemplating another idea about doing something about my rising nastiness when it just popped into my mind and I decided this is it there and then.

Before I write about the resolution this month, let me just touch on that nastiness thing a bit. I am not bad, I am just evil. I am offended if you say I am bad, and I thank you for calling me evil. I am just like that.

But being nasty doesn't sit well with me. I am evil, but I am not nasty. Or I should say, I don't want to be nasty, so I gotta do something about that unhealthy trend.

Probably next month's resolution...

So, for August 2018, starting tomorrow even though I did it today as well, my impromptu resolution is: every working day, share in WhatsApp group an interesting thing (or more) regarding member of that group that I observed or learned in that day.

Because I can.

Other |flickering fling| category entries.