Just another working day

To avoid my annual leave being burned, I took today off to keep the total under the limit.

And typically, I turned on my laptop to work first thing after I woke up today.

The only difference is that I did not joined any meeting, which is always an improvement in work efficiency.

Also did not had to answer any instant messages, but usually that isn't too bad, except those who ping near the end of the work day...

So it's just another working day today, my so called annual leave.

Well, actually it's not just another working day, because I am going to continue work after I post this, so it's an annual leave that I worked the normal working hours plus overtime.

Sad.

Other |wretched workaholic| category entries.

颓

昨天星期五是公假，我拿了下星期一的假，凑成四天长周末。

其实也就是不想要血汗换来的有薪假期超额被消掉才拿了假的，但是已经知道这周末会加时工作的了，所以自相矛盾。

唉，我的命就是这么贱…

昨天是带着超忧郁的情况起床的。不知道为什么，但就是那么的糟糕。

结果昨天什么都做不到，根本没有那能量和集中力，就是颓废了一整天。在昏暗低谷里，消沉、低落、黯淡、苟延残喘。

今天也不是真的好到哪里，但逼自己起床后加时工作到午餐。状况很差，所以效率很低，进展很可悲。

感觉整个人废了，唉…

近来，很难。

随兴随想 |系列|

Pickleball, round 4

Played my fourth game of pickleball today with colleagues at company's basketball court self-converted to pickleball court with portable net.

More players today, good. I played two matches and it's time to go.

But due to tomorrow being a public holiday, the traffic was already bad when I left, took me an hour to get home.

Still find pickleball to be fun, only today I was overshadowed with depression and the heaviness in mind and heart.

Hope I will be in a better mood next session.

Pickleball series: | 1st |  | 2nd |  | 3rd |

Other |enjoyable events| category entries.

怨

觉得自己烦躁不安、怨念很重。

周末醒来就开电脑加时工作已经惯已为常，但这几天不同的是那难以释怀的不满、愤慨、无力、不安等一大堆负面情绪和能量。

公司这几年屡次裁员已经搞得人心惶惶，刚过的这一轮还投下了一颗摧毁信心的炸弹，把团队里我认为最厉害、最高职、最能干的那位给砍了。

坦白说我真的觉得连那位高人都能够被裁掉，那团队里其他的团员被裁员也不出奇了。毕竟这公司不是根据实力主义、精英体制的吗？

我不是团队里最厉害那个，但我努力保持在中上。那是我一向用来确保自己还有价值、不会被砍的策略。

如果公司不再是根据精英体制来决定谁去谁留，我不能够靠工作上的实力来保住饭碗，突然间就觉得这工作很没有保障，没有安全感。我可是家里唯一的收入来源，我不能没有工作嘞！

所以我怨念很重，觉得不公，气愤却又无能为力。

感觉自己在黑化，如果有怨气绕身的特效应该就是黑暗的光圈或全身散发黑色火焰那种。

心语细述 |系列|

Sorry state

I am in a depression bout.

Energy level is lower than normal, so stress and negativity handling capabilities are also lower than usual.

Being sick with sore throat and splitting headache does not help.

The short 'dead to the world zombie state' after work yesterday was barely enough to get me through the dinner out.

The splitting headache came back full force when I got home from dinner. Miserable state I was in.

Still am, really. Same crappy state today.

Not the ideal condition to be bombarded with more problems, issues, and stressful stuff.

But of course I am being bombarded by them more than usual these few days. Murphy's law or whatever. Just my luck, my life.

Daily updates of relative's progress towards afterlife. Newly discovered leak in the house that has created a hole in the ceiling. The shocking, worrisome and stressful layoff announcement.

This draining depression and splitting headache.

Sorry state I am in now.

Other |sane side| category entries.

Hello cave (just like that)

Was watching a Korean variety show yesterday night. The show is more a sadistic kind of funny from all the unnecessary hardships due to ridiculously designed accommodation, than a hilarious kind of funny.

And without any trigger that I am aware of, I just suddenly felt the hollowness sank in, that low energy feeling, that familiar heaviness of mind and heart.

Another depression bout has landed.

Just like that, in the middle of watching a variety show, a comedy for goodness sake.

After so many years, I still don't understand depression. I just suffer it whenever it decides to hit me. Whenever it damn well pleases.

A bit too frequently lately, too regular.

Other |hyped up heads up| category entries.

Pickleball, round 3

Played my third game of pickleball today with colleagues.

At company's basketball court with our portable net. We are not that pro fussy really. =P

I like to think I suck less now. New players that joined for the first time today definitely helped with that delusion, hehe.

We had enough players to rotate in between matches today. That is good, old geezer like me needed the break in between.

Again, a fun experience, so still looking forward to the next game. =)

Hope I won't be aching all over tomorrow...

Pickleball series: | 1st |  | 2nd |

Other |enjoyable events| category entries.