这次有点重

这次的忧郁症来袭，有点不一样。

不陌生的低落消沉，低能量，和不能持续的好心情。这些很平常，不意外。

只是这次只要一闲下来，整个人就会觉得很沉重，胸口纳闷，有时还会觉得要用更多力气来呼吸。

没有胃口、没有食欲。整个人就是很没有劲。

负能量满满的，凡事都是觉得悲观无奈，人生灰暗。

我有忧郁症，我现在整个人感觉不好，唉…

病了，等待康复。

心语细述 |系列|

Hello cave

Nope, I don't know what triggered it, I just know that familiar feeling, that state of being.

Another depression bout has landed.

It comes and goes as it pleases. No permission or invitation needed.

And decline is not an option.

So like it or not, cave mode it is.

Other |hyped up heads up| category entries.

Slower and slower

I am not a fast reader, I usually need around two weeks for a novel.

Last year I dropped to 18 days on average for a book, not a good trend.

This year thus far, I am getting worse, four months in and I have only read four novels.

This is horrible! One month per book, that's so disappointing.

I still read before I sleep every night, so I am not sure what happened.

The fact is, based on the numbers so far, I have become slower.

=(

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

Diablo Immortal: back to wizard

Ya, still playing Diablo Immortal, despite having Diablo IV.

Diablo Immortal caters better for short game time availability compared to Diablo IV, and I suppose I am less attached to my Diablo Immortal characters compared to my Diablo IV characters.

Perhaps because Diablo IV character development has a definite end game, and requires investment in time that I don't usually have, while I have already accepted the fact that Diablo Immortal is a pay to win (P2W) game with no end game but with continuously increasing level cap so people will keep paying to keep up.

Since I do not support that kind of game business model, I am not spending in Diablo Immortal, so I do not expect to have a fair playing field compared to those who spent, and that somehow created the detachment to my character and the game. It's just a quick fix game for me.

Anyway, I started Diablo Immortal with my favourite wizard class, then I created another character in another server as a monk. The monk was supposed to be the character I play with my family, but none of them wanted to play, so eventually the character was left to gather dust.

I also briefly tried the crusader class, but find playing that class with keyboard and mouse a bit awkward. I guess they design the class with controller in mind.

Then I switched my wizard to barbarian, while it was fun to play melee, the difference in range class versus melee class as a free to play (F2P) player in player versus player (PvP) match was amplified, while I can still play support as a range class in PvP where those P2W just mow down the F2P players, I struggled to contribute as a barbarian. That was before Blizzard group players according to their resonance, truth is they are still not doing a very good job with the resonance grouping now but at least it's slightly better than before.

Resonance is a statistic crucial in PvP, players can only realistically get it high enough with spending a lot of money. At the time of writing this, a decked out P2W player will have around 8000 resonance and a F2P player playing since the launch of the game will have around 1000 to 1500.

Anyway, I soon switched the barbarian to necromancer, then to demon hunter. I was no longer in an active clan while I switched to demon hunter, and no longer actively playing the game. I stayed as demon hunter for quite some time though, so eventually I collected all the essences for the class available to my unlocked difficulties, and that was my cue that it's time to change class.

There is that blood knight class that I have not tried, but blood knight feels too overpowered to me, and I am the kind of player who is not attracted to overpowered class, I prefer player skill to overcome challenges instead of the "I win" button.

So I went back to wizard, and with the new essences collected so far, I am finding new ways to play the class, which is keeping the game interesting for me.

Guess I will still be playing Diablo Immortal for a while, albeit not actively.

Other |geeky gaming| category entries.

群发·私讯

我不是手机傀儡，相比那些整天机不离手甚至沉迷上瘾的低头族，我应该是洞穴人的程度。

去年年中开始有保留每星期用手机时间的资料，看几时有时间整理下写篇文章。到现在为止，我每天用手机的平均时间是少于半个小时，通常是少过二十分钟。

我每晚都会把手机关掉，通常是全部家人都回到家后。如果那晚没有人外出，那晚餐后不久我就会把手机关了。

我也有凌晨十二点后就给朋友发生日祝福的习惯，今天凌晨就是这样。看来这习惯我的朋友也知道。

晚上关手机到凌晨后又开回手机期间，生日的那位朋友先给我发了个即时通讯，叫我不要在群里发那生日祝福。

也忘了自己是几时开始叫那几位记得我的生日的同事朋友不要再群发给我的生日祝福，也是那时开始我也不再群发别人的生日祝福，我换成用私讯。

但中学朋友群中我们还是群发的，毕竟是那么多年的老朋友了，而且人数也比较少。所以收到那请求，我有点意外，但同时又不是很意外。

是不是到了一定的岁数，或经过了一定的岁月洗礼后，人就会变成把别人的生日祝福看成亏欠的人情、一种不必要的负担？还是只是我自己是这样而已？

随兴随想 |系列|

原动力缺乏

昨天做好更改热流模型的准备，提前告知同事们需要他们提供的部分，然后暂停那跑着的一系列敏感分析的模拟，把电脑空了出来。

今天刚要开始更新热流模型，建那新的主板，就收到了换了几次日期和时间的项目会议通知。

最后那个会议通知里，加注了项目方向的一句，总之就是说那新的主板已经不是项目要朝的方向了。

还没有开始就已经结束。我又再次告知同事，昨天委托的事不需要了。

真是的，一直在变的项目方向，搞得我很纳闷抑郁。可不可以不要这样浪费我们的时间和精力？

越做越茫然低落，越来越没有原动力。

浪费了我一晚的模拟时间，我下班前重新设好那敏感分析的模拟，电脑资源和模拟时间很宝贵的啊！

随兴随想 |系列|

纳闷

五天休息天就这样过去了，唉～

也不能说是欢乐的时间，但原来不是欢乐的时间也是可以过得特别快的。

是比平时迟起床，但其实也没有比平时睡得更多，就是赖床而已。

不谢了，比农历新年还多的炮竹声、比平时更长的烦人祈祷噪音、究竟还要热多久的天气、还有老了的我。

真是的，连可以睡到太阳晒屁股的乐趣都要剥夺，人就是不要老…

太多不顺心顺意的事，所以特别纳闷。

还有，明天要开工了，不要不要不要！

唉～

心语细述 |系列|

Random thoughts

You cannot help someone who doesn't want to help him or herself.

-----

Specially reserved for me, the anger, harsh tone, and bad mood.

-----

As time goes by, the band-aid actions and promises fade away.

-----

Good thing we have the younger son as a reality anchor, or else we would have faulted ourselves for the faults of the elder son.

-----

I have not been dealt a good life. Accept it.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.

Potato mode on

Checking my annual leave count is a monthly recurring task, so that I can take one or more days off to make sure none of the annual leave gets burned.

Happy to say that this month I have enough buffer, so I don't have to take any annual leave for the sole purpose of not having any being forfeited. Happy because this month I don't have that 'forced to take leave' feel.

But I am taking this Friday off anyway, because Wednesday and Thursday are public holidays, so I am making it a five days break.

Do I need the break? Not really. To be honest I am currently in the mood to get worthwhile things done job wise, as I feel that I have not been productive recently. So it's actually a bit ironic I am having a break.

Oh well. Just have to indulge my whim occasionally, I guess.

So heads up, potato mode is on! Don't contact me for work related matters.

Actually, just don't contact me, unless we are really close. =P

Other |hyped up heads up| category entries.

重振

二零二四年过去了四分之一，感觉自己今年至今没有什么成就。

外国老板来了也走了，希望明天开始可以回到正常的工作状况和效率。

真的需要好好投资些时间来搞专利有关的事，去年失败了，希望今年可以获得一个。

当然不在乎获得几个，但我不贪心，有一个就已经满足。

今年工作至今也好像没有什么特别出众或出色的成绩，没有一个亮点或辉煌的成就。我觉得太对不起自己了，我不应该是这样的程度。

真的，要好好努力下，达到自我水准的要求。

为自己加油！

随兴随想 |系列|

04042024

Whole day in office today, attending many meetings that didn't left useful periods in between. Work efficiency plummetted big time.

The many meetings for the manager who doesn't really know us until his first ever visit to our site today.

Hope it's an eye-opener for the manager, something that put us in his radar and something that will benefit us in the future. Goodness know I have spent way too much time preparing for these meetings.

Still more meetings tomorrow, just have to get through it and hopefully work life will go back to normal after that, and I can resume getting more worthwhile stuff done.

So much to do, and am actively avoiding working overtime, thank you very much.

Other |temperamental thoughts| category entries.